Fatten Me Up

okay, piggy. prove it. drink this shake every day for the next few weeks and watch what it does to your body.

ingredients:

Base:

2 cups (16oz) heavy cream 800 cals

1 cup of whole milk (add more or less depending on your desired thickness) 150 cals

A pint of melted ice cream (must be "premium" ice cream like Häagen-Dazs or Ben & Jerry's) 1,000 cals

2 servings of Mass Gainer powder (Cals are for the Dymatize Super Mass Gainer Rich Chocolate, but use whatever brand you can get your hands on) 2,500 cals

Half a can (7oz) of sweetened condensed milk 910 cals

Add-ons:

1/3 cup of chocolate syrup and/or caramel sauce 300 cals

4 tbsp of peanut butter or hazelnut spread 380 cals

1 cup of mini chocolate chips 800 cals

1/2 cup of marshmallow fluff 165 calories

Whipped Cream (for topping)

note: these are very approximate calorie estimates based off of some very basic google searches, so they could be totally off. i'm a slut, not a scientist, so make your own calculations if you please.

Throw together your base of heavy cream, whole milk, melted ice cream, mass gainer, and condensed milk into a blender.

Then add your chocolate and/or caramel syrup, peanut butter and/or nutella, marshmallow fluff, etc.

You should skip the chocolate chips and choose an ice cream flavor without a ton of chunks/big pieces if you're planning on using a funnel.

Blend everything together, top with an obscene amount of whipped cream, and then drink up every drop like the greedy piggy you are.

This shouldn't be something that you have to choke down; substitute and add whatever sickeningly sweet toppings and add-ons that you like until you become addicted to the taste. Play with the recipe, try adding maltodextrin or melted butter or a box of cake mix. Do anything and everything to make this shake as easy to add into your daily routine as possible.

Just the base of this shake alone without any add-ons should add up to be over 5,200 calories. Do you have any idea how fat you're going to get if you're adding an extra 5000+ calories on top of your already unhealthy/high calorie diet? Imagine if you blended in a couple of those add-ons. You'll be exploding with fat in no time.