Yanaichi playlist reflection pt.1
crush is a cliche choice for a shipping playlist. i really like it starting with it though because it really captures that exciting and fun feeling of developing a crush where everything feels really fun and beautiful. the kind of crush you can go home and kick your feet about and yearn for but it feels good to freshly yearn
2. Silly Girl - Chloe Moriondo
continuing with that new crush feeling but totally idolizing your crush. on top of that, doubt and a feeling of inferiority that nothing will actually come from your crush. But it still has a hopeful feeling to it. the beginning ache of a crush that hurts but still kind of feels good that something makes you ache that way
we move from the feeling of inferiority and shift into questioning whether anything will come from this crush. it's become totally consuming and all he can think about where maybe it doesn't matter and he's still going to try?
4. Do I Wanna Know - Arctic Monkeys
this song is wholly unnecessary on this playlist but its one of MY favorite songs so it stays. more all consuming thoughts of a crush but even more pathetic. and being okay with being pathetic. the yearning is HAPPENING
5. Campus - Vampire Weekend
this one's more vibes based. because it has that student feeling. i think the song is actually about seeing your ex around and trying to be okay about it but i like the feeling of being around your love interest at school and having to behave very normally about it. either distancing to deal with it or just pretending really hard that things are okay. but again, this one is more for that student feeling for the playlist
6. Like or Like Like - Miniature Tigers
Ichimatsu has developed a genuine friendship with Yanagida. They're close and friendly and he's one of the guys. But things feel more ambiguous. He has this crush and doesn't know how to pursue it or deal with it and doesn't want to ruin what he has unless he knows the feelings could be reciprocated. So it's just that feeling of being stuck in this does he or doesn't he limbo.
ichimatsu feeling like he's not good enough and he desperately wants more from yanagida but doesn't feel like he can compete for his attention.
8. Best Friend - Rex Orange County
ichimatsu is starting to feel hopeless with the crush. it's just not going to happen... and maybe if he can't make a romance work at the very least he can be his best friend and be satisfied with that even if deep down he still hopes for more.
9. Francis Forever - Mitski
ohhhh my god i know this is another extremely cliche song to add to a shipping playlist but mitski does SUCH a good job at putting the feeling of unrequited love and desperation into a song. Which is why the lyrics i put right there is the damn chorus. BUT another song where ichimatsu is desperate for yanagida's attention. he doesn't care if he's good enough for anything else he doesn't care if he deserves it but he just needs to bask in the light of yanagida's gaze to exist and he'll be okay.
another typical unrequited crush on a friend song. but this one i like specifically for the feeling of KNOWING your crush likes someone else and having to deal with it. i really love the idea of ichi watching as yanagida gets attention from girls or even gets a girlfriend (because surely he's a handsome and popular guy) and it's hurting ichi to be around it. i especially like thinking of the magic angel magi lunatic ichi and the dark place she goes into when seeing other girls pursue her crush. obviously ichi wouldn't... actually get violent..... but he's still our ichimatsu he grows into and i do like to think even hs ichi gets scary from time to time. just you know...... when no ones looking and he can let his mask slip. and when no one can hear his thoughts.
11. Wish You Were Gay - Billie Eilish
i looooooove this song and it fits well for obvious reasons but.. ichimatsu's feelings for yanagida are starting to hurt. it's not just that his crush is unrequited, he knows it's only wishful thinking that he ever could like him back. because he isn't gay... right? ichimatsu's the one ruining their friendship by being gay and being in love. it hurts and it makes him sick and there's nothing he can do about it. he wish he wasn't he wish he didn't. he wish things could be easier. he wishes yanagida was gay
dude things are not going well. the crush is there but he's feeling so hopeless. his friendship feels hopeless. ichimatsu is starting to be too drained to exist around his friends. depression is hitting him, fatigue is hitting him, and he can't tell if the people around him even like him. he doesn't have the energy to go on. he's still holding onto yanagida like a lifeline though.
13. Are You Bored Yet? - Wallows ft Clairo
ichimatsu's mental health is getting bad. just like with the previous song, he is starting to feel hopeless and like no one actually really likes him. he doesn't know why anyone bothers to keep him around but he's not brave enough to say the quiet thing out loud. he's also not brave enough to isolate from his friends too. so he's there, still grasping at straws.
14. First Love / Late Spring - Mitski
he needs this. he needs yanagida to give him SOMETHING. even if it's just rejection so he can move on. it hurts! loving him hurts! he can't do it anymore! he's going to keep doing it forever! it's all too much and he can't take it anymore!!!!!!!!!!
more ichimatsu stuck being horribly depressed and horribly exhausted from masking. he's not even sure if he still feels the way he did for yanagida. he's not sure he feels much at all these days. he's going through the motions he thinks he's supposed to. to be happy. to be normal. to fit in. he still wants but doesn't believe he gets. Ichimatsu laughs when the rest of his friends laugh. He smiles and nods as another tells a story and waits for the cues to agree happily or shake his head in shared dismay. He makes sure to make enough eye contact and to look away when it's appropriate. A simulacrum of a normal teenage boy.
16. Stress Relief - Late Night Drive Home
ichimatsu's given up. he's made a choice and it's to give up on his feelings for yanagida or even his friendships in general. he's just a shell.
an all encapsulating song about the fact ichimatsu thought his time in school with his friends and his love was going to be the best time of his life. but with his newly encroaching depression and general isolation, his false persona and imposter syndrome, it's only lead to him being absolutely miserable with nothing to show for it.
18. I Don't Wanna Be Funny Anymore - Lucy Dacus
one more song where ichimatsu is done! he's dooooone he's done. he's given up on the whole damn thing!!!!!!!! he doesn't want to be his persona anymore but there's no other role for him to fill other than the funny sextuplet they keep around.
titsay
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izzy806
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