i've been running through the jungle

@kovumbyaba: That doesn't even sound enjoyable. My poor lil nostrils are too sensitive for that ish. I'd much prefer just having Natasha Bedingfield pop in to sing her 2004 hit song 'Unwritten' and call it a night.

@brontehatterdesigns: https://i.pinimg.com/originals/74/98/d8/7498d85e75c7119af0b631f3b0712354.jpg

@brontehatterdesigns: bye bye Walt, hello FIT !!!! I'M SUCH A MANHATTAN ASS BITCH I CAN'T WAIT.

Hey, me not taking credit for someone else’s genius is just me being the honest, reliable guy I am. It’s never my goal to be legendary for ruining anyone’s fun – I’d rather go down in history for breaking down the stupid high school systems that we’re subjected to daily. For example – hall passes. Real life doesn’t hand you a hall pass, so we should be free to come and go as we please. The old me would have freed our science class frogs as an act of symbolism. But the me that wants to graduate can only talk about it, now. 

You actually wait around for a hall pass? Wow, you really are soft. I just get up and go, and I glare at my teachers and dare them to get mad about it. And if I come back and they’re pissed? I always can find a few choice words for them to make them feel like they’re the bad guy in this situation. I’d offer to take you under my wing, but damn, really doesn’t sound like you’d be able to keep up. Too bad. 

Now that I’ve been officially cleared of my non-involvement in last year’s prom stink bomb, Walt High owes me for a loss of my final sophomore semester. What are we thinking I should finesse from this wrongful expulsion? I’m thinking a locker with a view, or free tickets to the sporting event of my choice. Any other ideas? 

Wow, you were so much cooler when I thought you were actually a badass. You should have just stayed gone and remained a legend instead of come back as some weird weiner who cares about locker placement.

@kovumbaya: So........this prom thing. If teen dramas are any indicator, I need to prepare for two girls wearing the same dress, a stabbing, an active shooter, or a special celebrity guest showing up to drive me there. And tbh, I can't wait.

“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.”

“Wow, and I thought I was morbid.” 

“Oh come on, there’s not a single person in this town that you think deserves to die at least a little bit?”

“Learning the choreography for the sword fights is awesome. But what’s not awesome is that I kill my literal favorite person in the world and then get stabbed by one of the few people that I like.” 

“A fake death? Big whoop. Where’s the real death around here, huh? In Riverdale there was a real actual murder during a school musical, and we’ve got nothing!”

Contrary to popular belief, but I actually really hate tea. There. I said it.  I know, I’m going to hell. 

And the award for biggest drama queen goes toooooo....

Well yeah, but close enough. Of course I pick Shray! Have you paid any attention to him? He’s the most mature and evolved boy in our entire grade, who else would I even want to pick! I’m not going to be embarrassed when Shray realizes that we’re meant for each other, but I’ll be sure to pretend to be or something on your behalf if I see you looking!

I mean... I’d maybe fuck around with him if I could get access to his mom’s wand out of it. I don’t need it, but it might be fun to see if FG’s magic is as cool as mine is or not. But other than that... yikes. You and the Peanut Head, I’ll believe it when I see it.

A mean streak sounds lame to me, so at least we’re on the same page? Yeah, but it’d kill my mood if I got kicked out of the dance at any point. I’m probably going to be matched with my one true love, Shray and I can’t really risk ruining our first date.

Same page in different books, maybe, but sure. Seriously? You get one true love and of all the people in all the world you pick... Shray? Oh, honey. Getting you kicked out of this dance would be a mercy, it would save you from a lot of embarrassment. But I don’t do mercy, so I can’t wait to stand around and laugh at your epic failure.

It’s not a mean streak, you seem fine with having a cast. If anything, it’s a helpful streak! Getting to be a human pinata and then getting black and silver cast would be so nice for you! Let’s do it!

That sounds lamer, but sure, whatever. Can you be sure to fuck me up right in the middle of the dance? It would be such a great moodkiller, I’d love it.

Actually nope! The cast sort of hurt but what I picked instead super didn’t! So thanks for the offer but I kinda prefer not being injured. We can get you into a cast though, if you like them so much! I got mine because I tried back flipping off the swings, but if you don’t want to do that we could always think of other stuff! Ooh! Like a baseball bat!

Wow, a mean streak, I wasn’t expecting that. I like it! Sure, if you wanna use  me as a human pinata, go ahead and try. Let’s just make sure my cast ends up black like my soul. And go for my right arm, so I can doodle on it in silver Sharpie with my left.

How exciting is it that my cast came off just in time for the Valentine’s ball! When I fell off the swings and broke my arm, I was so worried that I was going to have to list my identity thingy as the most boring give away in the history of ever but now I get to say it’s something fun like my Hermes rip off Adidas!

I’m sure a cast was probably better than whatever you came up with instead, actually, but sure, bummer. If you change your mind, though, I’d be happy to help you break something else instead.

@perfectlypari: THAT'S. SO. MEAN. You out here breakin legs ma'am????

@perfectlypari: idek what my kind of evil streak would be. I'd like....post an embarrassing photo of someone dancing on my snap story to get back at them or something.