josephine

Current weight: 82.7kg

Since I last checked in. My last post was February 3rd. To sum it up I took a complete break from all the dieting stuff and honestly I think it did me a lot of good. I now realise that I had become so obsessive over my food and weight and I needed to take a step back. I stopped tracking my calories, I stopped weighing myself and I stopped forcing myself to do fitness I didnt want to do. I have been completely intuitive with my eating and fitness and it’s been such a relief. It has also shown me that I do have control when I take away the calorie counting. I haven’t been perfect but I guess that is the point of intuitive eating. 

The last time I updated tumblr on my weight I was 79.9kg. I was obsessively counting my calories, working out everyday in an attempt to hit 75kg but I had hit a plateau and my weight would not budge under this number. I weighed in the other day at 83.2kg. Honestly I was surprised as I thought it would be more. I knew I would have gained weight but I really am not bothered about it. It’s been a really nice couple of months without thinking about the scale or my calories. 

current weight: 79.7kg. 

This time last week I was feeling really frustrated at myself for messing up that weekend. However I feel like I’ve managed to turn things around and I am feeling a lot better about things now. I have created my own fitness plan for february including a mix of walking, dancing, and other cardio. I have also told myself and my friend that I am not drinking until I’ve hit 77kg. I need to set myself some short term goals and I also really want to push past the 79 mark for good. 

weight: i did not weigh myself today.

Honestly I am frustrated at myself. I feel like I am stuck. Since August I have been stuck around 80kg and I am constantly in a cycle of being good and then a weekend ruining it. I have not made consistent progress in ages. Last saturday I weighed in at 79.6kg. Sunday I had drinks with some friends and this led to me completely ruining everything because Monday and Tuesday I literally lay in my bed watching tv and eating absolute crap. I’m so frustrated that I can’t seem to just have one night of fun without it influencing the days after. I am frustrated that I’ve been stuck at this weight for the past half a year. I’m frustrated at myself because I managed to lose 30kg but now 5kg seems impossible? I know they say the last bit of the weightloss is the hardest but this is getting ridiculous and I know it is all my fault. 

Weight: 80.2kg

Starting weight: 111kg (244lbs)

Current weight: 79.9kg (176lbs)

Total loss: 31.1kg (68lbs)

Goal to hit before summer: 75kg (165lbs)

Weight left to lose: 4.9kg (10lbs)

Every wednesday I am going to record my weight here. I will write reminders on my phone to make sure I do it. I also need to do it even when progress is slow or not happening. I have found recently that I only post if I am feeling motivated but I really want to be open and honest about my struggles. 

On that note, I had a binge last week. It sucks and I was mad at myself for it, but I am trying to get over it and move on. I am back on track now and feeling more motivated. 

I know its now trendy to hate on people for having new years resolutions and goals but I personally think it’s just a good time to reflect on the past year and think about what you want for the next one. This is a safe space for people who want to make resolutions. I do not judge!!

On that note. Despite 2020 obviously being kinda shit for everyone. I am happy with aspects of it for myself. Specificially the health and fitness aspect. I definitely was not perfect but I think I have really managed to form a healthier relationship to losing weight and getting fit. 

My Christmas and New years was good. I did not weigh myself, and still haven’t. I kept up my fitness which I am super proud of, but also let myself relax about counting calories, eating certain foods etc. 

Now that the new year has started I am really ready to get back to actively losing weight again. I still have certain goals I wanna hit in terms of fitness and weight loss. I want to hit that 75kg that I set myself at the beginning of my journey. I also want to pick up jogging again because I have began to miss it. The indoor bike we have is good but I definitely do not get the same adrenaline rush as I do when I go outside and jog. 

So there are my two goals:

Hit 75kg

Start jogging again

I’m not going to make a huge list of goals for the year because I find having less goals means I will be more focused on them. I find setting myself goals throughout the year, instead of just the start really means my goals are more attainable and also more relevant to whatever I am doing at that moment. 

I have also stopped meticulously counting calories. Mostly because I know how much I should be eating and also because I want to just try eating more intuitively and not just obsess over everything I eat.

Yesterday my sisters were baking and at the end of it I ended up having a biscuit. In that moment I was slightly worried that it would trigger bingeing thoughts but nothing happened. I ate it and carried on as usual. Which is a pretty good sign that I'm getting better around more triggering foods like sugary treats.

I am currently with my family getting ready to celebrate christmas. I have no idea what my weight is because I am not weighing myself at the moment. I've decided I need to really focus on my health and eating away from the scale for a little while. I am still doing keto and have started cycling on my parents indoor bike. Just focusing on doing what feels good for my body and not how it effects the scale.

The past few weeks I've realised I definitely still have issues with eating and I feel it's best to really tackle them instead of just only focusing on hitting a goal. I will probably weigh myself at the beginning of 2021 when I probably transition my focus back to proper weight loss.

weight update: 79.5kg

I have two weeks and four days until Christmas day. My goal is to hit 77kg by that time. I realise that I probably will not be hitting my goal of 75kg by the end of the year but that just means I have a goal to hit in 2021. I am feeling really motivated at the moment. The lockdown here in Germany has probably helped me stay on track as I have few distractions to derail my progress. I will be doing weight updates the next two mondays before christmas. 

I was doing so well at the beginning of November but after I handed in my dissertation I think I started telling myself that I needed a break from dieting and work. So the past few weeks have been kinda bad in terms of dieting. I didn’t go overboard and binge which is great but I’ve just been slowly eating more and more things I typically would not eat.