a future candidate

Where: Sex fair podium

What: A few words

Rachel had seen the podium placed by Miss Holiday all week, and she’d resisted the urge to make a “confession” because honestly, while she was all for sex education and healthy sexual practices, she found this whole thing a bit reductive and pedantic. But a part of her couldn’t resist saying something.

She walked over and cleared her throat. “While I applaud the idea of a sex fair, sex positivity, and sexual education, I feel I must point out that, in 2020, if you don’t know how to pleasure a woman, you are woefully behind, and women, I’m including you in that. A healthy relationship masturbation is not only helpful for stress-relief and lowering cortisol levels, but it can go a long way in teaching you how to tell your sexual partners what pleases you. Let’s take sex positivity to the next level, ladies. I recommend patronizing the local sex shop in town. It allows you to take your sexuality into you own hands, and you’ll also be supporting local business. Thank you.”

Rachel sighed loudly as she walked down the hall towards the library. She was getting nowhere with the deans of the departments. She was starting to suspect that they were getting kickbacks or commissions from the textbook manufacturers, and if that was the case, well, she’d just have to expose them for the criminals that they were. She’d just have to do a little research first, and the library was the best place to start. She heard a person groaning weirdly behind her, and she turned around, noticing a guy that had been in her freshman composition class coming towards her. She frowned as he stumbled a bit, still groaning as he seemed to be headed right towards her. She felt the urge to run starting to build within her, but she stayed rooted in place for a moment, trying to figure out what was going on. “Are you okay?” she asked, her frown deepening. He opened his mouth, and he started coming even closer. She shrieked loudly and went running down the hall.