wuff

im jus tired and i wanna go back to where it was safe i wanna go home not my home but i jus wanna go home im scared and i want my mom

theres too much pressure to do things perfectly being the perfect person, friend, partner, sibling, etc its even more difficult when youre mentally ill people have too many expectations im sort of just rambling, so ignore me but i am starting to get convinced i truly am broken and unable to be healed maybe its too soon to say that, but im getting really tired of trying its probably only because its 11 pm , but really it just feels like all of my bubbled emotions are only able to come up during the night im not sure why that is i dont know if therapy is working i switch between being hopeful and completely hopeless, thinking "everything is worth while", and thinking "none of this is worth my time or energy" i dont know why i never feel much nowadays i dont really care about things the way i used to id be fine if i went in my sleep i have no problem with the thought im not worried about myself, im only worried about what my loved ones would do if i was gone i wish they wouldnt grieve i dont go out of my way to do anything, but i feel like i dont know if i can do any more things that are meaningful to me with the time left that i have

im hopelessly addicted to my phone and keep bending over backwards for everyone , or i feel like im never doing enough i cant make sense of how i feel in the end it doesnt really matter all that much im far better at following along and turning off my emotions and opinions i give up for now