Surprise! You're Dead

1 like = 1 prayer for the huge cheese to turn around and eat the government

wokka wokka wokka wokka

there is so much energy in this image

He’s got his toast in the napkin holder :/

sir that’s my emotional support gardener

how am i supposed to make creative funny text posts when nothing happens in my life at all

you just use a story from sims and pretend it really happened to you

one time i was swimming but the pool ladders disappeared so i couldn’t get out of the pool and i swam for 10 hours then died

classic

finger remover 9000

concept: all normal checkouts are replaced with self-checkouts but instead of losing their jobs the cashiers now get to sit on top of lifeguard chairs and periodically throw wine glasses at me like dracula while i buy my goods

what is a customer? a miserable little pile of coupons

I love that this post is here to dunk on logan paul and the flat earth society

assert your dominance by calling your friends by their student ID number

i sent the bee movie script over imessage to my friend who lives overseas but it didn’t send as an imessage and sent as 315 text messages instead and i’m gonna be charged for international texting for all of them

#karma is real and god always protects the good

my favorite sport is jousting. except without the pole because thats too dangerous. just riding my horse angrily towards another guy riding a horse angrily, that is my passion

book legolas is pretty cool but film legolas reminds me of one of those incredibly beautiful, incredibly stupid long haired pedigree dogs that you sometimes see in grooming parlours having their claws painted purple. like you could just pick him up and look into his eyes and there would be nothing going on behind them. film legolas has the elvish version of elevator music playing in his head at all times and i honestly love it

If any of u are vegetarian send me some recipes or something

lettuce

Which episode of Black Mirror is this?