i saw a bee drown in honey, and then i understood

“Let me tell you, this generation coming up — unselfish, altruistic, creative, patriotic — I’ve seen you in every corner of the country. You believe in a fair, and just, and inclusive America; you know that constant change has been America’s hallmark, that it’s not something to fear but something to embrace, you are willing to carry this hard work of democracy forward. You’ll soon outnumber any of us, and I believe as a result the future is in good hands.

my heart is a car crash one in which i am the sole survivor and the guilt chews me up spits me out and i can’t look away. my heart is the child running full speed at the shiniest object and my brain is the cautious parent holding it by a lead saying no, not too fast no, not without a plan no, not without a defence. my heart wants to stay never knows the meaning of ‘too much’ says, i will love you years after the last time i have told you. my brain is the first person to leave the party tells the same old story of broken glass and beer and the kissing that happens because we are tired. // my mouth is a pandora box of places my feet are too afraid to go. in it lives the wall that cuts through my motherland, the pacific coast highway of california, prague. my brain wills my feet to stay says, this is all you know and you are safe here. my heart tells my mouth secrets and it can’t stop talking  spilling them to strangers in bars. brain says, stay. feet says, okay. brain says, good. heart says, no run while you can. mouth says, okay. heart says, not you.

How much can you change and get away with it, before you turn into someone else, before it’s some kind of murder?