im fugin herb cookie

First we have Carrot Cookie! A farmer who loves money-

Carrot: Pah, who cares about your silly introductions?! This is a battle between me and PURPLE MAN, yes?

Uhh… well, not a physical battle-

Purple Yam: DARN IT!!!

Just a little popularity poll!

C: I see! Is there a cash prize?

Nope!

C: WHAT THE FUG!!! Whatever, I can at LEAST beat THIS guy!!! I don’t like him, and you voters shouldn’t either!

Ah yes, Carrot and Yam once journeyed to Dark Enchantress’s land together, along with their buddies, Milk and Beet! These two pairs joined forces because Beet and Carrot were monster hunting and Milk and Yam were hunting evil! Evil and monsters tend to overlap, so they decided to work together, but…

PY: IT DIDN’T GO WELL because THOSE TWO were INCREDIBLY VIOLENT and NOSY!!!

Purple Yam Cookie? Calling someone incredibly violent? Aren’t you?

PY: To my ENEMIES! But WE were working TOGETHER! Do not let my ENDLESS RAGE fool you, I fight on the side of GOOD!

C: Good, evil, who cares?! I fight on the side of MONEY! And you… you’re hiding something from us… if I find out we could’ve hunted your buddy Milk for a pretty penny, I’m gonna be steaming mad!!!

PY: I’M steaming mad just HEARING you SAY THAT!!!

C: You’re lucky Beet is so careful not to kill innocent cookies! If I were her, I would’ve struck down Milk the moment I saw his eyes!!

PY: THAT IS NOT SOMETHING TO BE PROUD OF!!! WHAT the FUG is WRONG with YOU???

Ehem… this is a lot of arguing for your friends’ honors, but this competition is about you two! So, why not talk about what sets you apart from your partners?

Both: everything.

Um… well, elaborate! What are your lives like?

C: I do a lotta farming and selling! I work hard every day to survive, and so does Beet! Unlike MOST cookies on this blog who seem so LAZY-

(I’ll say this since Carrot doesn’t realize it… you see the scar over her eye? She got that from Herb Cookie, when both were young! She’s been hoping Beet will hunt him down some day, and doesn’t realize he’s here! Another connection she’s unaware of, her brother, Cinnamon, is around! When they were young, Cinnamon did a magic trick that got Carrot lost in the woods, forcing her to survive on her own! That’s why she’s the way she is nowadays! Will these tragic siblings ever reunite?)

PY: WHO are you WHISPERING TO? It’s MY TURN now. I’ve mostly been hanging around SPARKLING. We’re FRIENDS and I even BABYSAT his little SQUIBLING once, which I’m only MENTIONING because THAT post got a LOT OF ATTENTION for some REASON!

I guess despite your rough exterior, you’re really friendly, huh?

PY: NOT REALLY. I’m just not BAD. And… somehow BETTER at interacting with people than MILK… WAIT, WHY aren’t we fighting EVIL?! MILK!!! WE NEED TO RAID DARK ENCHANTRESS COOKIE’S CASTLE!!!

Hey, now’s not the time for that!! Also you’re SO not prepared-

First, we have Cherry Cookie! She says she’s a vampire, but her older sister, Cherry Blossom, says that she’s lying to seem cool!

Cherry: CB’s no fun like that! She’s always doing boring picnics instead of SCARING cookies like I do! That’s why I always hang out with Vampire Cookie, hehe!

Cherry hasn’t appeared on the blog much… hey, wait, Herb babysits Sparkling’s squibling sometimes, and he’s friends with Cherry Blossom, why does she never ask Herb to babysit Cherry?

C: uh, because VAMPIRE is a COOLER babysitter and HERB COOKIE seems LAME he just enjoys having TEA with Cherry Blossom and NO COOL OR INTERESTING MONSTER STUFF!!!

…Next is Moonlight Cookie! The legendary-

Moonlight: ZZZZZ WHO THE FUG WOKE ME UP

…legendary protector of the City of Wizards-

M: WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE WHERE ARE MY KIDS

C: what

M: THAT’S NOT MY BABY!!!

Um. So Moonlight Cookie is a bit strange! Highly aggressive, very little understanding of what’s going on at any given moment! She’s… not usually so family oriented… unless you count grounding Wizard and Cinnamon from everything as being “family oriented”

M: I need to tell Cinnamon that he’s UNGROUNDED from DOING 360s ON THE BED

Did… something happen…?

M: YEAH BUT IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE BED

…Right. Well-

First up, we have Vampire Cookie! Brother of Alchemist Cookie, babysitter of Cherry Cookie, and visitor of Sparkling Cookie’s bar!

Vampire: yup, that’s me. It’s been a while since I’ve gotten to enjoy Sparkling’s bar, though… I always show up when it’s closed!

…That’s not often. He’s there a lot!

V: yeah, he’s always there to tell me it’s closed.

It’s… only closed when he’s NOT there though…

V: …What?

Squid Ink: oh… OH… no…

V: Ohh, I believe I’ve seen you before! You’re uh… you have some sort of relation to Sparkling, yeah?

Squid Ink Cookie is Sparkling’s little squibling! AKA Squid Sibling! They enjoy being in the ocean, hanging out with their friends in the City of Wizards, and HATE the dark!

SI: Vampire… scary… please leave…

V: aw, what? Don’t worry, I won’t bite! Ink probably isn’t that tasty anyways…

SI: don’t bite my brother…!

V: Ah, he doesn’t mind…! I miss him… do you know when his bar opens, by chance?

SI: nooo… waahhh…

First up, we have Wizard Cookie! A young teen who lives in the City Of Wizards with Moonlight and Cinnamon!

Wizard: Cinnamon barely counts. He’s always with that dang knight nowadays. Cinnamon’s a magician anyways, not a real wizard… also, don’t forget Blueberry Pie!

Right! She’s a newer addition to Wizard’s family…

W: They’re not my family. I know we were together for family day, and I live with them, and Moonlight sometimes THINKS she’s our mom, but we are NOT a family.

Are you saying this because all of you are horrible to each other?

W: …

Wizard’s quite the angsty cookie! Don’t expect him to say anything nicer than “I tolerate you”! Still, he has a best friend, Gumball Cookie!

W: BEST FRIEND?! Nuh-uh. I barely consider him a friend at all. He’s like… a less annoying Cinnamon.

Well seeing how friendless you are, I guess that makes him your best friend by default! Speaking of friends, Gumball is actually friends with both you AND your opponent!

Space Donut: ahahdjfhfbn!!!

That’s right! Space Donut, a fellow resident of the City of Wizards, lives in an alleyway with Gumball Cookie! The two of them like to hang out with Squid Ink Cookie as well!

SD: jgngngn

W: yeah, I remember hanging out with you that one time…

SD: hththshfb

W: …I don’t… understand

Space Donut can be hard to understand, but they seem to be a very fun and nice friend!

An alien with a mysterious past, no memories… how cool!

SD: BFJTN DNSMSKFNFB???

First we have Wind Archer Cookie! The legendary-

Knight: who are you?

…Ahem. The legendary protector of Millennial Tree’s Forest! Known for hunting down evil spirits and purifying them! Not many cookies ever see him…

Most are surprised to find out he’s actually a child! I wonder where the idea that he existed for longer comes from…?

K: THE LEGENDARY PROTECTOR IS A CHILD??

WA: …

Wind Archer is a select mute and is only known to talk to Devil Cookie. He seems to get easily overwhelmed, unless there’s evil spirits involved! That’s when he really locks in and OBLITERATES them!!! I-I mean purifies them!!!

Unfortunately he hasn’t appeared much on this blog, probably due to his shyness! And the… general evil of this blog… *cough*

K: the what? Also he’s friends with a devil cookie?

Knight Cookie won’t SHUT UP so I guess it’s his turn now!!! He’s a Royal Knight who has dedicated his life to protecting Princess Cookie… except she’s WAYY stronger than him now!!!

K: I sense RUDENESS here. I-I’m still doing my job as a royal knight!!!

Are you sure…? You spend a LOTT of time with Cinnamon Cookie, who isn’t royalty…

K: Wh- oh come on!! Can you blame me?? He would probably crumble without- wait…

Cinnamon: KNIGHT COOKIE THERE YOU ARE!!!

Cinnamon!!! It’s not your turn yet!! Your round is like 5 rounds away!!

C: my what???

WA: *starts shooting evil spirits that no one else can see*

This has fallen apart very quickly…

First up, we have Dark Enchantress! The most evil cookie in the world, and Herb’s aunt!

DE: why did you need to say that

Well, this is Herb’s blog, we need to show how you’re relevant!

DE: so I’m only relevant when HE shows up?? …Kind of true, I’m pretty bored and uninspired usually but HE is interesting…

CB: oh, I know Herb Cookie! He’s a good friend, we love having picnics by my tree and-

IT’S NOT YOUR TURN-

DE: you have your own TREE? EWWW

CB: yeah, I’m always sitting under- WHAT DO YOU MEAN “EW”??

DE: I hate trees- OH GOD IS THAT IT RIGHT THERE???

CB: …the tree we’re standing under. Yes. That’s my tree.

DE: EWWW OH EWWW I HAVE to corrupt this tree-

CB: WAIT- NONONO!!! DON’T YOU DARE!!! I DON’T CARE THAT YOU’RE THE GREATEST EVIL IN ALL THE LANDS, I WILL FIGHT YOU!!!

DE: OH YOU WILL, HUH? WITH WHAT? YOUR TREE?

…oh my.

So first, we have Mint Choco Cookie! Or… Mint Choco Spirit?

Pomegranate: cease this tournament at once!

We can’t do that Pommy! Look, if it makes you feel better, Beet won’t hear any of his propaganda!

Pomegranate: I would like if Mint Choco was eliminated immediately from the competition so that we no longer need to worry about him being discovered.

Alright, then you can do the Beet propaganda! But let’s finish Mint Choco’s first…

P: what-

Mint Choco was Dark Choco’s brother, but he died a long time ago! Pomegranate here searched for his evil spirit, hoping to transform him into a servant for Dark Enchantress! She struggled for a while to keep him under control, but with some of her mirror magic and finally allowing Dark Choco to see him, things have been looking better!

P: better… but not great- wait, I don’t want to discuss my problems!!

Mint Choco enjoys hanging out with Dark Choco, eating, and sharing food with Dark Choco! He really cares about his brother… what a kind soul!

P: he’s an evil soul.

“Canon” Mint Choco is quite different from fugin mint choco, so perhaps we should explain why he’s an evil spirit… though, how much of that lore has been uncovered?

Blueberry Pie: He used a lot of dark magic while he was alive, and relied on it so much it consumed him and he died, transforming into a Tier 4 evil spirit.

Pomegranate: what are YOU doing here…? And you know Mint Choco…?

BP: yes. It was because of him that-

GUYS NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR A LORE DROP!!!

P: WHY IS SHE HERE THO

BP: my opponent is here, why can’t I be?

PLEASE, WE NEED BEET TIME! EVERYONE SHUSH!!!

Beet: …um.

Alright, Pomegranate! You wanted Beet to win this round, so give everyone the reasons she should win!

Pomegranate: …ugh… um… Beet is… a monster hunter. She… lives with… Carrot Cookie…?

Beet: Do I know you?

P: you tried to break in once.

B: break in… your house…?

P: *sigh*… Beet seems to take her job of hunting monsters very seriously. Nothing gets past her without a crossbow to the throat.

B: I mean… I guess this description is accurate enough…

P: …Do you have anything you’d like to add? I don’t.. really know you.

B: Ah, um… well, I arrived on this blog in my constant search for monsters to hunt. Yes, I arrived with Carrot Cookie. She showed me that I could earn money for my efforts, and in exchange for sharing our riches, she helps me scout out potential monsters, as well as providing farming and marketing…

This is about you, not Carrot! Share some of your best moments from this blog!!!

B: um… all I do is watch from the shadows… looking for signs that someone isn’t a regular cookie as they seem… there was that run-in with that strange Milk Cookie, with those cursed eyes… I’m still keeping an eye on him.

Herb: also, WHY do you two keep making events on MY blog all the time?! Are you two even IN this tournament?

Nope! We need it to be fair and hosted by unbiased parties!

Hero: So… you two aren’t biased towards anyone?

Heheh… totally not!! It’s not like I’m friends with any specific cookie on this blog ahahaha…

Hero: …I swear Sparkling’s talked about you-

ANYWAYS! First we have Herb, the face of the blog, the main character! Born from dark magic-

Herb: AHEM I can introduce mySELF!!! And I shouldn’t HAVE TO because it’s MY BLOG!!!

Well… it’s been 6 years Herb, people probably forgot all of your lore.

Herb: ugh, fine! Yes I’m made from dark magic, but I’m chill! It’s actually thanks to Hero that I’m so chill. So I’m DEVASTATED that I have to ELIMINATE HIM ROUND 1!

Hero: so… you’ll give me a pity win?

Herb: FUG NO if I lose a popularity contest on MY OWN BLOG I wouldn’t forgive myself.

Hero: eh, that’s fair. I appreciate you anyways, Herb Cookie.

Herb: thank you!! It is so nice that we are childhood friends and you know almost all of my secrets and yet nobody ever interacts with you on this blog!!!

Hero: well, I can’t blame them, everyone in this place is so strange and interesting, meanwhile I’m just a regular guy. The most interesting thing I do is… hang out with interesting cookies, I guess.

Sparkling: and be a fugin nerd.

Herb: SPARKLING?? You’re here?!

Sparkling: yeah they let me in.

Hero: and this ISN’T biased hosting…?

Ummmm…

Vote whoever you want to win!

Hero: why… am I “the nerd”…

Herb: why am I “the plant”?? Why are these here they aren’t in the other polls??

I kind of liked how the previous round they started doing their own propaganda, so go on Fire Spirit, tell everyone about yourself!

FS: Okay… anon, I… have feelings for you… and I have for a long time-

Nevermind!!! So… Fire Spirit is Rockstar’s best friend, they do everything together!

FS: I’m honestly surprised you didn’t count us as one cookie for the tournament.

You two are different! You’re a lot sillier than he is, and way more flirty! Not to mention openly gay-

FS: I’m only gay for anon

Right… Fire Spirit’s most notable actions on this blog are causing problems such as kidnapping Cinnamon that one time, bothering Knight, and well, he’s in love with the anons…

Cool trait: he has cat mouth! Boring trait: his eyes are normal!! Isn’t the whole point of this blog cookies with weird eyes??

FS: no its fugin herb cookie. Which I have yet to do.

Licorice: AHEMMMMM AHEMMMM MY TURN!!!!! This guy is a real WEIRDO!!!!!!

Right! Licorice! How about you try introducing yourself?

Licorice: …wait, me? RIGHT!! I’m Licorice Cookie, Dark Enchantress’s most LOYAL most AMAZING most COOLEST most POWERFUL most PERFECT SERVANT EVER!!!!!!!

Not true! I guess we have to introduce him after all! Licorice is Herb’s cousin, Dark Enchantress Cookie’s son that she abandoned at age 5 because he was such a BAD servant!

Licorice: … I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I FUGIN HATE YOU !!!

Licorice hates Herb with a passion because Dark Enchantress modeled him after Herb and gave up on him because he couldn’t ever compare to Herb’s greatness!

Licorice: WHAT THE FUG !!!

Ever since being undisowned on his birthday, he’s been trying to earn his mother’s love and failing miserably! She doesn’t even see him as a cookie!

Licorice: WELL- BECAUSE I’M NOT!! I’M A SUPER AMAZING SERVANT!! I AM NOT FAILING BTW SHE LOOKED AT ME TODAY!!

FS: oh my gosh your life is so sad… LOLLLL

Licorice: SHUT UUUPPP GRRRR HISSS BARK BARK SNARL GRRRR ARF ARF HISSS-

Vote whoever you want to win!

First up, we have Blueberry Pie Cookie! A mysterious cookie who was freed from a basement in the City of Wizards, and hasn’t gotten much screen time since then!

BP: What? Are we introducing ourselves? Yes, that is me. It was MOONLIGHT COOKIE who locked me in there with the forbidden books for YEARS-

Hey, aren’t we supposed to give the summa-

BP: I’m not sure what you mean by “screen time”, but since I was freed I have been living in the castle. It is very frustrating how Moonlight refuses to talk about what happened. A young boy named Wizard Cookie (one of the cookies who freed me) lives there, too, and though he is rather anti-social (as am I), we talk a bit. He reminds me of-

Erm… anyways… Pomegranate Cookie! How about YOU introduce yourself!

P: I do not believe I need any introduction. These FOOLS who ask on this blog LOVE to mess with me and ruin any schemes. The times they do try to help me, they are quite terrible at it.

Don’t be so rude, they’re the ones who are voting!

P: I don’t care for the anons votes. If this is a tournament, my master is the one who should win anyways. Vote for Dark Enchantress Cookie!

…DE’s round is 1-8. This is 1-4.

P: Then hurry up and get to 1-8 and have everyone vote for her.

BP: …Oh there is a lot of evil in the world. I guess everything was for nothing…

Princess: I’m not little… I got really big and strong…

MT: To me, ALL cookies are little! For I am taller than any other tree in the world!

First up, we have Millennial Tree Cookie! Despite Princess’s worries, he may be at a disadvantage for he hasn’t appeared on the blog much.

MT: Oh, I remember! The anons! How I miss them! And throwing them!!

Mostly spoken of negatively, for this blog mostly shows cookies who are on Dark Enchantress’s side, and the two are mortal enemies!

MT: …what.

And we also have Princess here! She ran away from her kingdom, abandoning all of her subjects without notice, to train in the jungle and become super buff!

Princess: …we already talked about this…

She loves to show off her muscles, and give Knight Cookie a crisis!

Princess: that’s not my fault!! I don’t LOVE doing that!! I do love showing off my muscles tho… VOTE ME BECAUSE OF MY LARGE MUSCLES!

MT: technically, mine are larger! You could fit INSIDE of my arm, haha!

Vote whoever you want to win!