Fuck Yeah Sammy J

Then there's the Future Tipping Competition, in which Sammy goes head-to-head with Charlie Pickering in trying to predict what the next five years will hold. Last time around they brought a pregnant woman up from the audience and tried to guess the baby's sex, name and first words. This year the youngster will be making an appearance to reveal the results.

Other sections include the 50 Year Soap Opera, the 50 Year Joke, and Sammy J's favourite, the 50 Year Dancers, who were five years old when the project began and will soon reprise their routine as 10-year-olds. But while Sammy J is optimistic about this performance, he suspects the dancers will take a bit more convincing when they hit 15.

It's this focus on the long view that makes The 50 Year Show an anomaly in the world of live entertainment. "Normally during a comedy show, you're as good as your last joke. You've got to make people laugh for an hour and then they leave and that's it," Sammy says. "This was something that finished with everyone in the room looking forward and thinking to the next event and wondering what will change."

When Sammy J embarked on his 50-year experiment he was 25. In only five years, he's married, bought a house and had a baby. He (and all of his fellow performers) have had career highs and lows. The 50 Year Show is predicated on change, and there's every chance that over the decades, this will include that ultimate transformation in circumstances that medical science has so far failed to remedy.

As the first instalment of The 50 Year Show ended, Sammy surveyed the crowd he'd shared it with. "I looked out and had my parents there in the audience and they won't mind me saying this but they're not going to be there for the final show. There was a real moment: while this started as a comedy show, it really is going to span a lifetime for everyone, to the point where I might not even be there."

But like, perhaps, all acts of creation, Sammy J's project could also be seen as a way of sticking the finger to the inevitability of endings. "We view time as a straight line on a page," the comic says, "but the world is actually the piece of paper that it's being drawn on. I'm fighting against time in this show. I'm trying to take time by the head and ruffle its hair a bit."

Keep it clean, What does that mean, You mean I can’t say ‘fuck’, ‘Cause ‘fuck’ is obscene. According to who? According to you. But what about me? Do I get to be offended too, At a word of my choosing, And stop you from using it, When I’m around. And I guess you’ll say, that it’s not about you, It’s society’s view, the word shouldn’t be said, Well, fuck me dead, that’s just passing the fuck-butt, People like me and you are society too. And every time we don’t say ‘fuck’, We pump that fucker up, ‘Til it’s fucking huge, But everyone thinks the word ‘fuck’ is rude. It’s just like the royal family, This linguistic monarchy. Words that are born into privilege. And raised from the cot, To be taught that they’re not, Like the other words in the playground. But the poor word ‘fuck’ must look around sometimes, And say, ‘what the fuck, I tried,’ ‘To be a normal word, and I don’t know how this occurred.’ But 500 years ago, some fat fuck in England, Preferred I wasn’t heard, So he referred the word, Up to the Board of Civility, Whose recent decisions included provisions, For tax offsets when keeping slaves. So their moral compass could clearly be trusted, And as a result the word ‘fuck’ got adjusted, To one not befitting virtuous lives, Then they went home and bashed their multiple wives. And I guess you’ll say there’s a time and a place, And some people don’t like the word ‘fuck’ in their face. And I get that, I know, I’m just trying to show it’s unfair. ‘Cause I don’t like the word ‘moist’ (moist). It offends me, it makes me feel ill, But everyone uses it still. If it were up to me, I’d outlaw ‘moist’ and set ‘fuck’ free. And there are other words as well, That have it far to easy, Like ‘sluice’ and ‘yeast’ and ‘kumquat’, ‘gluten’, ‘smegma’, ‘womb’ and ‘queasy’.  And every time we don’t say ‘fuck’ (fuck this!), We pump that fucker up (fuck that!), And we justify the fucking fucks who still deny the fact (fuck them!), That everyone says ‘fuck’ (fuck me!), I do and so do you (fuck you!), And sometimes when I’m speaking (fuck him!), Only a ‘fuck’ will do (fuck who!?). It’s fucking earnt it’s place (fuck yeah!), And fucking saying ‘fuck’ is fun. The world has lots of fucking problems, But the word ‘fuck’ isn’t one.