there is something within me that i would like removed

"oooh processed meats are the same level of carcinogen as cigarettes now you need to stop eating hot dogs and spam" shut the fuck up bitch I'll smoke a cigarette right now too

you can tell the economy is doing awesome when every ad is like “play our slot machines—they’re weirdly addictive!” “no money? try loan shark!” “sports betting: the cooler way to be a man” and i swear to god i’m barely paraphrasing the copy of several ads i just saw i swear to jesus christ

losing dog but no one bets on me because i Don’t even lose well enougj

there are too many things happening this summer that i'm thinking we are going to need an extra 6-12 months of june and possibly another 3-4 months of july. probably no extra august as the problem should hopefully sort itself out by then. we are also looking into extending the day night cycle to 55 hours and extending the human lifespan to 10000 years.

What jobs even exist

*puts my cigarettes out on you*

*wuickly smokes it all before you can reach me*

oh a wise guy huh? *rolls up my sleeves* why I oughta…

*wuickly rolls your sleeves back down before you can hit me*

im the person they keep adding gratuitous & unnecessary violence & sex in movies for. im running every studio executive ragged asking for even more cock & gore in cinema they simply cant keep up

i dont wanna play the game in the mobile ad but i guess it's not about what i want