🐢

the type of man that builds ikea furniture

i don’t know why i moved to liking expressive art and fauvism but i can’t bring myself to make something realistic and isn’t colorful and expressive without feeling like i’m peeling the skin off my body

i don’t know what the consensus on this is but i really don’t think trans people should be doing anything that could land them in prison. prison sentences are a 100x worse for trans people, especially for trans women with the practice of v coding. it’s not about blaming anyone for being incarcerated but i wouldn’t encourage any trans person to go to a protest and i’m definitely never going to one. we can do other things like fundraising for human rights causes. let cis people do the risky stuff. we are such small percentage of the population our attendance doesn’t make much of a difference anyways.

it’s kind of interesting how when you start making art and dont use color theory it looks like crap but once you learn and practice color theory you realize it doesn’t matter and for some reason you’re good with color after that

i don’t know if my mood shifts are obvious on this account but i have a mood disorder that causes extreme mood swings which affect my thoughts. just for context.

i used to be bummed i wasn’t intellectually gifted like my friends growing up but later found out that my cognitive ability is almost high enough to max out for artistic ability and it’s like. wow. sometimes you don’t realize how lucky you actually are until you find out.

i am so grateful to all the people who support and love me. it really is a gift.

just found the reverse psychology hack of my life. i am usually under the pressure of knowing i should be making art at every second of my waking life and it makes me procrastinate and avoid painting like the plague. but today i said i don’t have to make art to take a break from all that. and then i wanted and was motivated to paint. wow.

the last few days i’ve only spent money on a plant and art publications. living in line with my goals or something.

was told yesterday that i’m everything that a man should be 😌

currently feeling like i am really a beautiful person inside and out 🌞

sometimes i think about how hard it would be to be a trans man in the renaissance or medieval period. shit would be stressful and there’s no economic ladder so i have no idea how you could make that work without getting thrown into the pit.

i don’t know if i feel such a connection with gay male aesthetics because i’m trans and therefore a queer man or if it’s because i’m unknowingly gay. or maybe gay male aesthetics are just a vibe.

detransition “what if i’m not really trans” fears have come and gone every once in a while since i started transitioning 10+ years ago. and i think i finally dunked them into the trash can when i was talking to a friend last night i told her that if i ever chose or had to detransition i would keep my mustache. i can’t lose the mustache.

i love campy masculinity