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People are dicks, for the first time in close to 2 years I open myself up to someone, and they slam the door in my face, not only that, they then bad mouth me to every girl in the group, some of these I counted among my friends. Some of this I had coming, and I admitted I acted poorly, I apologized for this, and I thought everything was cool. Apparently not.

What hurts the most, isn't the fact that I no longer have a friendship with this person. I knew that was coming to an end, and I had intended on ending it myself. It is the fact that her 'venting' to her friends, will/has had a negative impact on how people in my group see me, I can already sense the distance this has created in my friendship with the women of the group. They have changed their behavior around me. This is just wrong, I am getting less and less interested in hanging out with these people. they are becoming smaller and smaller in my rear-view mirror, there is almost no reason to continue to see these people.

I have tried to get to know the majority of females in the group, I have been searching for someone in particular, someone I know to exist. I am becoming increasingly sure they do not exist in my current friendship circle, there was a possibility a few years ago, however due to me putting her happiness and success above my own, I lost her, maybe forever. I am sure she is out there and I will stop at nothing to try and find her, I am even considering going overseas. I am doing it under the guise of work, but really I am doing it to get away from these people. They claim to be good people, and to an extent, they are good, as long as they can get something from you, but otherwise, they are nothing but deceitful, annoying people.

The new people in my life who i thought i could trust and would be there for me as I am there for them, i can feel are slowly leaving me. I am trying to keep them close and in my life, however they are making it difficult to do so with one word answers and just a general crappy effort in the friendship. I am making very effort to talk to them and to keep them talking to me, but I sense that at least for now, it is a lost cause. They only involve me when something goes wrong or they need something, what sort of people are these. I get it, I’m not your closest friend, however I expect that people show me the same respect that I show them, but alas this is just a pipe dream. For these apparent ‘friends’ of mine, do nothing but tolerate my existence and keep me on the fringes of their friendship.

There is nothing I wouldn't do for the ones I care about, a good attribute to have in a friend, at least I always thought so......

the moment of sadness when you refuse to give up on someone, but know there is no chance of getting them.