It’s been a hellish year for me and the everyday battle I’m facing and consistently pushing through is wearing me down. Therapy… isn’t changing something that requires mental fortitude to push through the unknown. You know the scene in Hercules where the three women in the underworld cut the string and it’s all over… Well my situation feels like my life is hanging by that thread and I can feel that it’s all about to end… Now, some of you will be like but Shelby that’s depression… and sure you’re not wrong but it’s situational. I only feel this way because of what’s happening, if I wasn’t dealing with everything I wouldn’t be scared or sad all the time. My life is hanging in someone else’s hands and it genuinely feels like there’s nothing I can do to save me. Not without money which I don’t have.
My character is being warped into this “dangerous” person.
I have met dangerous people… I could never be them,
And all I have ever tried to do is lead with love in my heart
I’m tired and I don’t think people understand that statement.
My soul is tired.
I hold my breath for as long as I can sometimes because it’s the only thing I feel in control of…
I don’t want to die, but I don’t want to live
Have I made mistakes YES
Did I learn from them YES
But that’s life
Heavy is the hand that grips at my throat
And lately it feels like life just wants to watch me choke
