Oh my emotions these days by Eloise Klein Healy

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@frings
Oh my emotions these days by Eloise Klein Healy

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unfortunately i have free will so im about to make art that is going to appeal to basically 4 people. let us hope those 4 people follow me.
"who do you self insert as when you read?"
This is me when I read:
"adults should never be friends with children" im going to put you into a Box and shake you. Are we stupid.
the only reason i have never been groomed online is because when i was 10 i befriended 17 year olds who taught me how to interact with older people online safely.
yall have got to stop being scared of children online and start actually teaching them the ropes. because if you are not up there with them then they're going to be completely alone with the creeps and have 0 metric for what is and is not an appropriate relationship. this also applies offline.

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like the betrayalβs always going to be worse if they cared about you and it didnβt matter. someone discards you because they didnβt give a shit, then you can be angry about that, you can feel vindicated in that, you can get over it. but if they can look you in the eyes and say βI love you. I would make the same choice again.β You will never sleep peacefully again, is all.
βI thought they cared about me, but they were lying this whole time.β <- tired. boring. removes all the nuance of this relationship to make it easier to move on from.
βI thought they cared about me, and I was right, and every minute they were there for me, every time they said they were proud, every laugh we shared leaning against each other bruised and breathless, all of it was real. and they still left me behind. They could put their love aside. I couldnβt.β <- insane. will never leave you alone. reminds you that even the worst people are still people and can still care about even the ones they hurt the most and that undoes neither the harm nor the love.
they should invent a body that feels normal to be inside of
I keep thinking about that attempt I made to characterize people I get along with, a few days ago. Β Thereβs a specific thingΒ there but Iβm just not sure how to phrase it.
Itβs like a sort of β¦ feeling that the world is bigger than you, and very complicated, and filled with things youβd never expect. Β Itβs not exactly βskepticism,β and not exactly βhumility.β Β Itβs compatible with having a high view of oneself or oneβs intellect, though not with certain versionsΒ of those things. Β Itβs compatible with strong and numerous opinions, too, though not with certain waysΒ of having strong and numerous opinions.
Itβs having your most instinctive response to the world beΒ βthis is billions of distinct things; this is jeweled chaos; this is a buzzing, blooming confusion.β Β And then you make models and concepts to try to make someΒ sense of it. Β Sometimes you become quite attached to them. Β Sometimes maybe tooΒ attached. Β But if you become too attached itβs not because you think your concepts are reality. Β Itβs because you feel youβll be so terribly lost without them.
When I try to think of the oppositeΒ of this temperament I think of those sorts of political or culture bloggers who are never surprised by anything, who always respond to every news story withΒ βoh, look, more of the thing I know about, doing the things I know it does.β Β Itβs not that these people are too political, or too certain. Β Itβs that their politics and certainty doesnβt feel like a lifeboat theyβre clinging to in a vast roiling ocean. Β They give off the impression of not seeing the ocean.
And lots of things follow from this. Β You have to find ways of living with this ever-present sense β sometimes dulled, but never gone β that reality is too large, grotesquely large, that youβll never find your way in it. Β So you learn to revel in it a bit, to become an eclectic, an amateur, collecting and admiring little bits of jeweled chaos. Β You collect #quotes. Β You learn to laugh when you see something you donβt understand, so that you donβt instead despair.
You feel wary about systems, you feel wary about things that are top-down and a priori. Β You like data. Β But not in the sense ofΒ βthe data is inβ; not in the sense that we have measured, so now we know, and now no one can ever question again. Β But you are always worrying that you are missing the forest for the trees, because there are so many trees, too many, too many. Β You distrust the single event, the dramatic example, because you know that reality has room for everything, because you have enough such specimens pinned and mounted in your collection to prove any claim or its negation. Β You want the species, not the specimen β but you feel deep down that that has to be hubris, because all you see are specimens, and the great whirling confusion laughs at your taxonomies.
You come to observation, to experimentation, to something like science, even to something like positivism, not out of a zeal for the general but because you know the particular will wash over you and crush you. Β When the concepts are stripped away everything is laughter and awe and horror and you bring the concepts back, not to perfect life, but simply to bear it. Β And you tend to your collection.
on participatory art:
Beethovenβs βHammerklavierβ sonata, first published over two hundreds years ago, is notoriously considered one of the most difficult-to-play piano pieces of all time.
In particular, when Beethoven sent it to his publisher in 1818, he allegedly said, βNow you have a sonata that will keep the pianists busy when it is played 50 years hence!β, and much has been made of the fact that it wasnβt publicly performed in its entirety until eighteen years later, by Franz Liszt himself.
Except thatβs a bit of a deceptive statistic. See, when Beethoven published Hammerklavier, public solo piano recitals/concerts werenβt really a thing yet. Symphonies, sure; concertos, definitely. But sonatas were βparlorβ musicβa thing played by amateurs, often skilled amateurs, but amateurs nonetheless, in little sitting-rooms for a bit of entertainment after dinner, or at private salons with a guest list in the low dozens. (And mostly they were meant to be sight-read! The culture of obsessively polishing a piece to make it βperformance-readyβ wasnβt as much of a thing, back then.) People bought these things the way they bought novels, and, just as someone might buy a copy of Joyceβs Ulysses today and enjoy puzzling over the thing, even if they never read the whole thing or feel like they fully βgetβ it, wellβ¦ some folks would enjoy sonatas the same way.
So yeah, Hammerklavier didnβt have its first public performance until Liszt played it in the Salle Γrard. But also, Liszt basically invented the format of βstar virtuoso pianist hogging the stage for two hoursβ in order to get a public audience at all.
But in the meantimeβI think about how wonderful it mustβve been, tooling around on the piano during that 18-year-span where there was no evidence that thing even was playable, or that, if playable, that the thing even made sense. Beethoven was nearly totally deaf by this point, after all, a fact that was publicly knownβhad he totally lost it? people had to wonder. And the only way to find out would beβ¦ well, trying it out yourself!
It has the sound of a gimmick. And Iβll bet it was, at least a little bitβbut just because somethingβs more interesting to play than listen to doesnβt mean itβs failing in its goal. (Though fwiw it is very interesting to listen to.)
It also has the sound of, like, Dark Souls, to be honest. Proto-video game culture. A new game drops and people are asking each other: can anyone beat this boss? can you beat this boss? do you still consider your time on the game well-spent even if you never 100% it?
Biographies generally agree that Beethovenβs metronome markings (which only appear in his later work, and only *some* of his later work) are preposterousβoften borderline-unplayable, and certainly not very musical. I couldnβt find a recording of anyone trying to play Hammerklavier at the marked 138bpm tempo, so I got a computer to do itβand burst out laughing at the result because, yeah, 138bpm is fucking NUTS. But whether intentional or accidental, I love the audacity of its being there, like a taunt: I dare you to do more. I dare you to do better. I dare you to try.
Much has been made of how difficultyβs a way of keeping people outβbut itβs also a way of inviting people in, I think. It says: do this hard thing and you will be rewarded. You will be rewarded in the trying. Because the trying is the thing that makes the music live; there is no music without you.
Hereβs an old bit from an interview with the game designer Porpentine:
βThe purpose of a puzzle [in a game] is to provide resistance. For me, that resistance doesnβt need to be coercive or challenging, just interesting and aesthetic. My mechanics are to be touched. Games are perhaps the most intimate art because the player must remain touching at all times. They must touch or the game does not exist.β
So it goes with these sonatas, too.
u/Fine-Dog-9874

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cats in dollhouses
[ID: Several different pictures of cats in or interacting with doll houses. End ID]
"why is the character like that" >look inside character >it's the author's subconscious attempt to love themself
this is meant positively by the way. sometimes you love the character so much you end up putting a piece of yourself in it to learn how it is to love yourself without realising and thats ok.
Truly, I believe this.
Ragebaiting my fat dog? More like master baiting my fat hog!!!!!!!!
βοΈGreat Hog is displeased by this.
The kingly pig looks taken aback by this statement. "You claim to be 'baiting' our kind?.. A master of it, no less - after all the trust we hsve placed in you?"
- Your relationship with the Hog Society π is now Unfavourable.
I think one of the gentlest things in the world is when a friend just gets your weird little brain. like you say half a sentence and they finish it. you reference something incredibly niche from seven years ago and theyβre already nodding. they understand your strange vocabulary for emotions that donβt have real words yet. itβs being seen and known and still loved. maybe especially because youβre known. god. what a gift.
writing tip #4156:
if you have to use ai, make sure you... wait a second. why do you have to use ai? what possible situation means you cannot write it yourself? is there a gun to your head? 'have to' use ai. that's a good one. fuck off

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what was your original fandom. like not the one you first started with on tumblr. the first bit of media that you made content for
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