☆BBYGIRL ☆

Dear Me,

Right now, you are stepping off the treadmill of everyone else’s expectations—

taking time for yourself, something you’ve rarely allowed.

You are sitting with your thoughts,

listening to your heart,

and giving yourself the gift of guidance through counseling, weekly.

You are choosing celibacy.

You are surrounding yourself with those who reflect your truth,

those who hold mirrors to your soul without breaking it.

By the end of this journey,

you will walk closer to God,

stand taller with your parents,

and finally understand the weight and wings of self-love.

Not everyone is meant to be a confidant,

and that is not a failure—it is freedom.

Some will stay.

Some will drift.

Some will shine a light and leave.

None of that changes your worth. 💘

You are worthy of being seen at your lowest,

and celebrated at your highest.

You are worthy of the people who lift you,

and the people who reflect your truth back to you.

Keep choosing you.

Keep honoring your heart.

Keep walking toward the light you are only beginning to see.

With love,

What does it really mean to be a “successful lady”?

Is it having the big house with the white fence, or the kids who play sports while you cheer from the sidelines? Is it the amount of money we save over the years, or how our bodies look in the mirror? If we hit the gym and look good, are we successful? Or do we still need the big house, the family, and the perfect “life” to claim that title?

I recently graduated from college with my BSW. It was a big goal, something I worked hard for, and something I’m proud of. But somehow, I still don’t feel like a “successful lady.” I feel like I’ve accomplished something, yes, but successful? I’m not so sure.

Maybe success is bigger than a degree, but smaller than a house with a fence. Maybe it’s how we show up for ourselves every day, even when we’re tired. Maybe it’s how we choose to love people and let ourselves be loved, or how we heal from what we’ve been through and keep going. Maybe it’s having the courage to rest, to dream, to try again when we fall.

Right now, I’m trying to navigate what would help me feel more successful—not what looks successful to others, but what feels aligned with me. I don’t have all the answers, but I’m learning that success doesn’t always look like a Pinterest board. Sometimes it’s quiet. Sometimes it’s messy. Sometimes it’s simply getting up and choosing to keep going.

April 28th 2025 <3

Sometimes I wonder—could it be me?

Am I so unaware of myself that I don’t even notice how I treat the people around me? Maybe I think I’m being kind or thoughtful, but in reality, I come off as distant. Or selfish. Or maybe I just don’t know how to be a good friend at all.

I don’t have many friends. And lately, I’ve been asking myself why. Is it bad luck? Or is it me? I want to believe it’s not entirely my fault, but if I’m honest, the answer is probably yes. It is me.

The truth is, I wish I had a good friend—someone patient enough to show me how to be better, how to care in ways that people feel. But I know that as an adult, that kind of grace is rare. No one is going to love my presence enough to walk me through it. And it’s not their job anyway. It’s mine. It’s my responsibility to figure this out.

April 17, 2025 <3

I waited. For the text. The call. The apology. The change.

I waited through the silence, through the hollow spaces where your presence used to be. I waited because I thought you were the piece I was missing—that maybe if you came back, everything would feel whole again.

But time has a way of teaching you things. Quietly. Slowly. And sometimes painfully.

And after all that waiting, I finally realized…

I don’t need you. I never did.

What I really needed was me.

I needed to stand up for myself, to show up for myself, to pour into myself the way I used to pour into you. The love I gave you so freely—I needed to redirect that energy to myself. The patience, the compassion, the unwavering support—I needed to offer that to the person in the mirror.

April 6, 2025

Today, I was invited to worship at a church—and honestly, it’s been a while. For a long time, I struggled just to talk to God. It always felt like a one-sided conversation, or like I wasn’t worthy of being heard. But lately, the struggle has shifted. It’s not so much about speaking to Him anymore… it’s about clearly hearing and following His directions.

I don’t have all the answers, but I’m starting to trust the process more. I’m learning that healing doesn’t always come in the way I expect. Sometimes, it’s in the stillness. Sometimes, it’s in the invitation to show up. Today felt like that—a quiet nudge reminding me I’m not alone.

3/31/25 10:54pm <3

For a long time, I wondered if I was truly lovable. I searched for validation in relationships, hoping that if someone loved me, it would prove I was worthy. But deep down, I knew something was missing I didn’t fully believe in my own worth.

Chasing Love to Fill the Void

I used to think that if someone cared about me, it would be enough to make me feel whole. But the truth is, no amount of external love could fix the way I saw myself. If I didn’t feel worthy, I questioned every compliment, doubted every kind gesture, and sometimes even pushed people away. Love felt like something I had to earn, rather than something I naturally deserved.

The Struggle to Accept Love

Even when I was in relationships, I found it hard to fully receive love. I worried I wasn’t “enough” or that one wrong move would make them leave. I settled for less than I deserved because I didn’t believe I could ask for more. The problem wasn’t that no one loved me—it was that I didn’t know how to believe in that love.

Learning to See My Own Worth

Over time, I realized that self-worth isn’t about what I accomplish, how I look, or whether someone else loves me. It’s about how I see myself. I started:

Recognizing my strengths and flaws without tearing myself down.

Setting boundaries to protect my energy and emotional well-being.

Speaking to myself with kindness instead of criticism.

Surrounding myself with people who uplifted me instead of draining me.

Love Starts With Me

I now understand that love from others is beautiful, but it can’t replace the love I need to have for myself. When I see my own worth, love feels different—more real, more fulfilling, more secure.