Chelsea S

I’ve never been good at writing and I’m not very good with words.. although this is the only way I can get anything and everything off my chest without every person on Facebook telling me I need to move the fuck on. I can’t. It’s getting harder and harder everyday to live my daily life. It’s not getting better like everyone likes to pretend it does, it’s just becoming different. What happens when you seemed to have abandoned all your friends because you only actually wanted to be around one person…they hate me now. I don’t have many people. Nobody understands why I love you and nobody needs to understand. I feel worthless, I feel played, I feel like a joke, I feel like there’s nothing in this world I could possibly do to make you mine again and its killing me. I spend every waking moment missing you, checking my phone every 3 seconds to see if you contacted me. I don’t even smile anymore until I see you and even then I’m reminded of all the pain I have over missing you. I’m overly exhausted and everyday I feel like giving up. I just want to get high and take away the pain, but stop myself. I miss my best friend, I miss the little things AND the big things. I hate everyday. I hate myself without you and I have no motivation. I wish I knew what I could make myself for you to love. I feel like a puppet, everything I do revolves around you. The amount of pain you’ve caused me is something I would never wish upon you and I’ll never understand the way you can continue to do this to me and even more why I continue to come crawling back. I love you more than anything. I just want your attention and love and daily life is never the same without you. If I could be anything, it would be the person you love and I would do anything and everything to give you the world and show you how special you are to me, but even with all the love I have to give, it feels pointless and pathetic because I don’t think you will ever want it again.