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Recently, I married the person of my dreams. I married Karlee, but am now married to Karsen. With his recent decision to transition, I have faced a plethora of emotions. And now, as we tell people about this, I am faced with tons of questions. Sometimes, I do not know the answers to these questions. Here is where I will sort out my thoughts, so that I can take a step towards understanding myself. 

I have never really been so totally attracted to someone as I was to Kar. Even though he dawned long hair and makeup, I was incredibly attracted to him. He has become more masculine throughout the years, but my attraction has never wavered. When we became involved, I began identifying as a lesbian. Karsen is the only person I have ever been with, so I have identified as a lesbian for my entire sexual life. I have, therefore, never considered being with a man. I am definitely the most attracted to masculine women, but, perhaps, I am attracted more to the soul than I am to the body. Since his coming out as trans, I have identified as pansexual. 

I am afraid. Mine is a story that doesn’t get told often. Finances are an issue. I do not want to come out again. I am scared that there will be complications with surgery. I am nervous for the discrimination that we will face. I am scared that this transition will not make him feel better - that his disphoria will not lighten. I suppose I should be afraid that I will not like him with a male body, but strangely, that is the least of my worries. Somehow, I am sure that I will continue to be attracted to Karsen regardless of the body he is in. 

… at the beginning of your relationship noticing that you’re often more terrified of him than you are entranced by him.

Imagine that he goes to great lengths to make you feel safe and comfortable around him because he’s scared of losing you.

(requested by a wonderful anon)