"It's a price I'm willing to pay."

Steve is not fully asleep or awake but rather drifting in the space between the two when he feels a hand smooth over his hair before the bed dips as Peggy slides into it beside him. She hadn’t been sure when she would get in, so he had promised not to wait up for her. And he hadn’t; he’s just not all that good at sleeping alone these days. A smile curls at the corners of his lips. He waits until she’s settled before rolling over, draping an arm over her waist, and pressing his face into the curve of her neck, essentially trapping her with his weight. A content, rumbling hum passes his lips. “Missed you,” he mumbles.

But even lighthearted ribbing isn’t enough to disguise the fact that, today, Steve’s lack of restful sleep is finally catching up with him in a big way. “I know---I get that stuff like that doesn’t just. . . go away.” It’s been pretty repeatedly, if gently, drilled into his skull by the therapist he’s started seeing as well as Sam. “But just. . . I thought that once I started getting help, those old nightmares wouldn’t be as frequent. They’re---it’s every night, lately.” He lets out a long sigh that seems to deflate him from the very core of his being. “And I don’t know why.”

Steve had backed up a couple steps when he had seen Mrs. Barnes with her head turned, calling for one of Bucky’s sisters. Now that she had caught sight of him though, he grinned, showing off a fresh gap where one of his front teeth had been until recently. “Hi, Mrs. Barnes,” he said. Then, remembering half of why he was there in the first place, he held up the covered plate of some of his Ma’s best cookies. “Ma wanted me to bring these over to thank you for your help the other day,” he said. The other half of why he was there was, of course, to see whether Bucky was able to come out and play, but his Ma’s voice was in the back of his head, reminding him of his manners. “Can I help out with anything?” he asked.

It wasn’t that Steve was trying to be sneaky or covert, per se. Trying to do a nice thing for someone he had an immense crush on without having to interact directly with them and thus risk unveiling said unyielding crush? Now that was more accurate. Coffee and muffin from her favorite spot in hand, Steve was in her office, about to set said items down on the desk and then beat a hasty retreat when the lights flickered on over his head. His gaze immediately jumped to the door, where Bobbi was now standing. A sheepish smile spread across his face. “I swear I’m not in your office for any nefarious reasons,” he said, holding up the coffee and muffin as proof. “Just. . . snack-related ones?”

Some of the humor slides off his face and he rubs the back of his neck. “I’m just. . .” He blows out a sharp sigh. “I’m so damn tired, Sam.”

“Long time no see, Doctor Jones,” Steve joked from where he sat on the exam table when he saw her walk in. It was exceedingly rare that Steve came off a mission for anything other than recon and was able to be cleared by medical with little more than a once-over. He’d been patched up rudimentarily, but it was clear the Captain was a bit worse for the wear. Nothing that wouldn’t heal up as quickly as was his norm, but the way he held himself was indicative of him taking a few harder hits to the torso. The knuckles on his right hand also looked rough. 

in the meantime, i will be revamping this blog and my multi as well as writing starters (maybe? we’ll see how it goes) and blocking the ridiculous surge of p0rn bots in my follower list!