Freebooter4Ever

:)

if a stupid 400$ test will answer questions about my endometriosis surgery and determine how my recovery will be treated then give me the damn test.

i mean the therapy and somatic/meditation mainly made the biggest difference in my brain but the long standing crush definitely helped lmao

i mean the sculpted figures trapped inside the background they exist on also reminds me of roman sarcophagi so thats a little... morbid. for a hospital. but it could be my recently more morbid mind reading into things too much haha

but i also appreciated that the documentary made sure to include the depression fdr went through immediately after his diagnosis. so much disability representation seems to center around disabled or ill folk who embrace their differences and are almost saintlike figures that do everything right and are heroically self sacrificing and are full of self love and self acceptance and are just... perfect in every way except their disability. and i feel as if i am the worst kind of representation that im just a mess and i hate myself most of the time and get angry and feel hopeless with no future. it is important to me to see someone like fdr also struggle with the alienation and hopelessness and grief in lost life and future as you know it.

there also is a part of me that has thought my ill body has been repulsive for two years now and i despaired of ever hoping to be even moderately se*xually attractive ever again... and i still mostly feel that way yet it is nice to have a body that at least feels like it can function se*xually again even if i am no longer attractive