Freebooter4Ever

"how many muses have you had???"

"drawing like this? just one."

one thing that i find odd about norman's dirt bike adventure is how it was all men. countless numbers of photos of just men sitting around or on bikes. i dont know if it's because i have never identified with "female" even before i finally admitted to myself that i was non binary or if its my bisexuality, or if its just the fact that my interests trend towards stuff considered "masculine" but i always thought it was weird the way typical heterosexuals self segregate by perceived gender. it just makes no sense to me. my friend groups have always been varied with almost equal amounts of men and women and it was only when i hung out at parties of more casual acquaintances that i saw how these 'mainstream' men divided to go off and talk amongst themselves while the 'mainstream' women all gathered to gossip and talk fashion. and i would inevitably end up drifting towards the mens conversation because computer programming was way more interesting than designer labels. and this was treated like some kind of treason by the other women. baffling to me considering most of my programming friends were women. they just were never at these kinds of parties. it was like a rule - if you got invited to hang out with these people you had to neatly fit into your gender role or else.

im so dizzy and my brain is oxygen deprived to the point of feeling like im kinda on drugs, but i can walk. eating is a struggle but my appetite has returned. im bloating and puffy but im retaining water which helps keep my heart rate lower. i dont feel like 'myself'. the most worrying symptom is that in the morning my vision goes double till around 1pm and this is listed as a potential side effect of one of the meds im taking. if this continues i might not be able to take that medication anymore.