Freebooter4Ever @freebooter4ever - Tumblr Blog

"how many muses have you had???"

"drawing like this? just one."

:)

#doodles #evgeni malkin #geno #just let me draw him like worship #dont ask me to think about it too hard

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nikkimuffens-deactivated2017081

Geno training with Kadar this summer.

#malkin

#doodles #geno #evgeni malkin

i am also realizing today with help that i have been so focused on the physical breakdown of my body i have neglected the mental trauma of going through this illness. my fear of losing further bodily functions is valid but equally valid is pointing out that my fear also comes from the stress and mental anguish of dealing with all this shit... and that trauma i absolutely do need to address.

(i really really appreciate people who understand that both these things can be true, and don't dismiss the physical effects as anxiety)

#jrnlsht

im so dizzy and my brain is oxygen deprived to the point of feeling like im kinda on drugs, but i can walk. eating is a struggle but my appetite has returned. im bloating and puffy but im retaining water which helps keep my heart rate lower. i dont feel like 'myself'. the most worrying symptom is that in the morning my vision goes double till around 1pm and this is listed as a potential side effect of one of the meds im taking. if this continues i might not be able to take that medication anymore.

but for the first time in weeks today i found myself thinking i might survive this :)

#jrnlsht

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i like quiet places as much as i love hubbub

#jrnlsht

lion power again

#jrnlsht #i feel like i just lifted a curse

zyx

happy pride

#always

dilftanger

oh my GOD sidney

#i mean who wouldn't look at geno like he was the sun the stars the moon and your entire universe #malkin #meanwhile i am lusting after geno's thigh there #both of them but the glimpse of left thigh especially

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i wont lie the increased 24/7 feeling of being on the verge of passing out is alarming

#jrnlsht

freebooter4ever

i miss running but at least i can go on daily 2 mile walks now seemingly without shutting my body down ✌️ (hopefully this continues) (i am so paranoid now about my body spontaneously breaking)

freebooter4ever

btw i walked to the point of dizziness/exhaustion/barely being able to stand on both saturday and sunday and last night was the best night of sleep in weeks so i think im slowly ruling out cfs/me as a component in my nasty illness combo. like if i am exhausting my body and pushing it farther than i should and feeling better after that must be a sign.

#jrnlsht

same, sid, same. i too would look at him like that

#malkin #geno is so funny and handsome

rockifresa

#beautiful!#rami malek

i miss home! cannon beach beloved!

#jrnlsht

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sophsun1

The Birdcage (1996) dir. Mike Nichols

#the birdcage #the cruelest thing about homophobia and the anti lgbqt nutjobs is how the bigots and assholes are so determined to take love #like this that is so devoted and strong and as complex as any other kind of love #and tell that love that it can't be expressed in the same way heterosexual love can #the lgbqt lovers in the past deserved so much better

riddlerosehearts

I broke into a million pieces, and I can't go back But now I'm seeing all the beauty in the broken glass The scars are part of me, darkness and harmony My voice without the lies, this is what it sounds like

#kpop demon hunters

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