It's a big world out there, I'm just living in it.

They'll tell you failure is not an option. That is ridiculous. Failure is always an option. Failure is the most readily available option at all times..but it's a choice.

You can choose to fail or you can choose to succeed. But, failure is always there, and it's okay to recognize that.

If you can't tell by the title, I'm a huge fan of Mad Men.  The writing is amazing and some of the quotes are just pure gems.  I've compiled some of my favorite quotes from Don Draper (played by Jon Hamm).

"Even though success is a reality, its effects are temporary."

"You're happy with fifty percent? You're on top and you don't have enough. You're happy because you're successful, for now. But what is happiness?  It's a moment before you need more happiness. I won't settle for fifty percent of anything. I want one hundred percent. You're happy with your agency? You're not happy with anything, you don't want most of it, you want ALL of it. And I won't stop until you get all of it."

"You want some respect?  Go out and get it for yourself."

"People want to be told what to do so badly they'll listen to anyone."

"If you don't like what's being said, change the conversation."

"Change is neither good or bad, it simply is."

and my all time favorite Don Draper quote...

Sorry for the lack of updates, things have been pretty hectic.  First off, I would just like to say that studying has been going EXTREMELY SLOW as of late.  I'm most likely only about 30% (if that) into my review.  But I'm going through each section I do as thoroughly as possible.  However, I always feel that once I finish a topic and have it down cold, the moment I learn something new, I forget the previous thing I just learned.  Case in point, I just finished Behavioral Sciences and Psychiatry, those are pretty well ingrained in my mind right now, but it's been about a week and half to two weeks since I looked at Immuno.  Yes, I know the basic stuff, but the details in-between, I feel like i don't remember.  I'm sure once I look at it again it will all come screaming back to me.  But this just shows me how much I still have to do.  

I love how my parents ask me how my studying is going (Yep, no segue there haha).  When I respond that it's going well, but still a lot to go over, they respond, so you're almost ready huh?  I want to scream and be like, are you crazy?!?!?! The amount of material this test encompasses is enormous and they ask if I'm ready after about a month of studying.  Yes, I've been studying before hand, but that was really just watching lectures and getting everything in perspective; now is the actually studying and sitting down and making sure I learn and recall everything.  Talking to my mom, I told her there's a lot of information I have to go over and I want to take my time so I only take this test one time and get a good score.  She responded that I should take my time, and if I need to take the test in June, so be it, just as long as you pass and do well.  This was on Tuesday.  Today, she asked me how my progress was going and when I plan on taking it.  I responded, it's going well, but still a lot to go over, so maybe end of May, middle of June.  After hearing that, she seemed shocked.  Then she tried to guilt trip me into studying EVERY WAKING moment so I can be prepared by like end of April.  SHE JUST SAID ON TUESDAY TO TAKE MY TIME!!!

-_______- 

I attribute this change of heart because of stress from work and to her possibly having to speak in court for a lawsuit due to a patient dying during surgery.  Still frustrating though considering she said she knew what it was like to study for boards with her nursing exam back in the day.  I understand her point of view and there's nothing I want more to just get this test out of the way and just move on with my life.  Let my parents retire and let me take care of them for a change.    

Now just a few minutes she joked about me taking it in June.  Mothers... lol.  

Study, sleep, eat, repeat...

That pretty much sums up my days lately.  I've also neglected any physical activity, which in turn led to me gaining 4 lbs back from the 14 lbs I lost a few months ago.  However, I attribute the lack of physical activity to a knee injury, which is almost healed by the way.  It's been a while since I've been to Ado's office to get my knee worked on, but watching lectures takes a good chunk out of my day.  By the time I'm done watching lectures, I'm exhausted and can only study for a good 3 to 4 hours, if at all.  I will say this, starting off my day with a good morning devotional book, some passages from the Bible, and prayer, help me get through my day so much easier than not doing so.  

Let me give you a timeline of my normal day.  I wake up around 7:30 a.m., snooze for 15-20 minutes, and finally get out of bed.  I make my way to the bathroom and handle my business.  After doing so, I wash my hands, head to the kitchen and grab a tall glass of water.  I usually chug that down to get myself hydrated again and then fill it up again and take it back to my room for study preparation.  I fix my bed and then I do my morning devotions.  That usually takes up 15-30 minutes.  After prayer, I check the email accounts, read the sports sections, check Facebook, skim through Instgram, and by that time, it's almost 9.  From there, I watch lectures from 9 a.m. to 1 p.m.  This could be 2 or 3 lectures, depending on the length, how may breaks I take, if notes are coming from the book/study guide or if I have to write them down myself, and so forth.  At 1, I take my lunch break, approximately an hour to eat something and watch some TV shows from the night before.  By 2ish, I'm back to more lectures, which will usually take to me 4 or 4:30, once again depending on the length of the lecture and what not.  I usually do about 5-6 lectures a day.  In between the 4th and 5th lecture I take a shower.  Yes, I've neglected to do that.  I save it to use as another break before I do my last lecture.  After finally finishing up the videos, I'll eat a snack and pack up my bag for either the library, Panera, or Barnes and Noble.  Now I thought I could get good studying done at Barnes or Panera, but in reality, nothing beats the library.  When you just have to buckle down and study, the library is the best place to be.  I find myself easily distracted at Barnes with all the books and people.  Don't get me wrong, there are some "good distractions" at times (don't judge me, I've been living on an island), but I can't do it everyday.  I study for 3-4 hours, depending on where I'm at and what time they close.  By the time I get home, it's 9 or 10 p.m.  I go through my emails again one last time, check who's on Skype and chat with them for a bit if I'm up to it (I also have to account for time differences).  Then from there, get ready for bed.  I just started watching Downton Abbey, and won't lie, it's pretty entertaining.  I'm having to practice self control and watch one episode a night as to not mess up my schedule too much.  My Friday and Saturdays are a bit different (thank you God for the Sabbath).  On Fridays, I stop at sunset, which most likely means when I'm done with that days set of lectures I'm done for the day.  On Saturdays, I go to church in the morning and just chill till sunset that night.  That usually entails a nice 2-3 hour nap.  I do some light studying at Barnes, because it's the only place that's open till 10.  I can't study at home for the life of me.  There have been a few Saturdays where I just took the night off, but that will soon change when my test date (whenever that may be) comes closer.  I always look forward to the Sabbath and the guilt free non-studying it brings, but more importantly, the break from the regular and the time spent with family and God.  Come Sunday, I start that cycle all over again.  However, being able to accomplish everything I do, I suppose you can say it's all about balance between myself and God.  As my friend, Chic, posted on her tumblr (she hasn't updated in over a year though),

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

— 2 Corinthians 12:9 & 10.  

What I take away from that is when you've become weary and broken down, God is there to strengthen you and help you carry on.  No matter how little you bring to the table, it's more than enough for God.