Queemes Are My Oxygen

meanwhile, in the classic rock fandom:

roger: you know anyone?

freddie:

Roger:

Jim: you’ve got to stop introducing me like that

*Freddie laying on a bed coughing*

Me: 

Roger, bursting into the room: “John stole my flat iron and made a grilled cheese with it cause he saw a lifehacks tutorial, and now it’s covered in butter!”

John, off screen: “It worked weirdly well. Are you sure it wasn’t made to–”

(Jump cut. The door is now shut and Freddie’s flat iron is gone from his dresser. John is in the background eating a grilled cheese.)

(Jump cut. Tiffany is now gone and the foundation has been cleaned up. John is still in the background but is now on his phone.)

Freddie: (holds up a different bottle) “So we’re going to be using this foundation right here–”

John: “Jim liked your selfie.”

Freddie: “Uh…”

Roger: “You have better lighting.”

(Jump cut. Roger is halfway onscreen, straightening his hair. John is now asleep.)

Freddie: “But why are you…”

Roger: “It got really weirdly poodle-y and, like. Brian looking, I don’t–”

(Jump cut.)

Freddie: “Anyway. Contour.”

(Jump cut)

Freddie: (singing while applying contour) “Contouuuur.”

Roger: “Contoooooooooour!”

Freddie: “COOOOntour!”

Roger: “coooontAAAAIIIIIIIIIII”

John: (Throws a pillow)

(Jump cut to a pillow fight. Brian enters the room screaming unintelligibly.)

(Jump cut. Everyone is crowded around a broken lamp on the floor, arguing loudly.)

(Jump cut. Roger is straightening his now even more messy hair. John is laying on the couch, completely devoid cushions. Freddie is noticeably frazzled)

Roger: “That doesn’t work for everyone, though.”

Freddie: “Well, it does if you pluck your eyebrows right. It would work great on you for example, but probably not on John.”

John: “For the last time, you’re not tweezing my eyebrows, Fred.”

(Jump cut. John is once again laying down in the background, this time on the couch cushions on the floor. Roger is drinking a La Croix and squinting at his ends.)

Roger: “Do you think I need to condition more?”

(Jump cut)

Freddie: “We’re gonna end this with lips. I gotta say, darlings. This day started off as ‘Pander Me’ but it’s moving quickly into ‘Spirit’ territory, so that’s the color we’ll be using.”

Roger: “What?”

(Jump cut. Freddie is marking the second of two lipstick swatches on his forearm.)

Roger: “I don’t get it. They kind of look the same to me.”

Freddie: “Look at them. This one is clearly more bubbly. It’s more pink. Spirit is nearly taupe.”

Roger: “I guess, but why is that your good day shade? Why not, like. I don’t know. ‘Bombshell’ or something? That’s more pink. John, what’s your happy-day Mac shade?”

John: “’Shy girl.’”

Roger: “See? Thank–wait…”

Literally everyone: Freddie no