Selfless be me.

I’ve always admired musicians who err on the side of honesty. These artists give little clues to let you know that they are still human. It always gives me hope and comfort knowing that my idols also make mistakes, struggle to find themselves, and are imperfect. 

In that same spirit I’ve decided to start writing publicly about my personal journeys. It’s therapeutic for me to get my thoughts out. This is why I’ve always written songs and performed music. I always feel better when I get my emotions down on paper…or into someone else’s ear. And hopefully, by doing this, I can provide some insight into my world and inspire some of you through my personal experiences. 

So, lets start with my current vocal adventure, which I’m affectionately calling Lzzy 2.0. 

Some of you may have noticed that over the past year I’ve been struggling with vocal issues. I fatigue a lot easier, I’ve been reaching for high notes that used to be no problem for me to hit, and for the first time ever (as San Francisco, Reno, Spokane and Vancouver know) I had to cancel the end of our last North American tour because I couldn’t even speak. To make matters more confusing, I also gained this weird “squeak” register that had become nearly impossible to control or avoid. This was extremely scary for me, because since the beginning of Halestorm, I’ve never had vocal problems. I have always been able to sing with great ease and flexibility and I have always been very proud of taking good care of my voice. I stay well hydrated, eat well, do warm ups and cool downs etc. I took lessons from Steve Whiteman of KIX when I was a teen, and had remained true and unwavering to everything I was taught since then! So, it was like these problems came out of nowhere, and for no reason! 

I went to more than a few vocal doctors who all put a camera down my throat to check me out. The diagnosis was always the same: I’m healthy, there’s nothing wrong. I have no nodes, polyps, scar tissue, hemorrhaging, bruising; I have nothing wrong with me! So, why am I having problems? This sent me into a rabbit hole of depression. I cried over letting people down, I was scared that I was broken, and I was ashamed and embarrassed of my shortcomings. I’m a fucking professional for christ’s sake! I just put out a new record, I’m at the top of my game…and my voice is not working!!! FUCK! My confidence that I’ve always prided myself on was shot. I used to walk into situations, like guesting with a friend on stage, or studio time, with no doubt in my mind that I could slay. But I was now hesitant and unsure of my abilities. I vented endlessly to my band mates, who know me better than anyone. This was the first time they had ever seen me like this. I felt really lost, and alone; like I had forgotten how to be me.

I know this all might sound dramatic to some of you, but imagine that the ONE THING that defines you (and happens to pay your bills and everyone else’s bills who works with and around you), your VOICE, all of a sudden felt foreign to you and no one could tell you what the problem is! It drove me quite literally out of my mind to the point where I was dreading going on tour, something I LOVE, for fear I couldn’t make it through a set. Yes, yes, playing with back tracks/ lip-syncing is always an option, but that’s just NOT how I roll! A personal decision I made long ago is that I will never mime in front of you guys. I’d rather suck on stage than fake it! So, as a last resort, I decided to start taking vocal lessons again. I thought that maybe if I refresh on some of the basics it’d be kind of like a hard reset for my voice. Enter Ron Anderson. 

Ron is the best vocal coach there is right now. He’s worked with all kinds vocalists for over 25 years, and has been the personal coach of Myles Kennedy, M Shadows, Tom Keifer, Chris Cornell, Lenny Kravitz, Axl Rose, Anthony Kiedis, Haley Williams, and Christina Perri to name a few! 

Into my first week of lessons, Ron asks me how old I am. I tell him I’m 31. He replies, “oh, well that explains a lot”. And went on to tell me something that no vocal coach or doctor ever mentioned before. He said that I’m going through my second vocal “thickening” it’s called. Which is basically like a second “puberty.” I’m experiencing changes in my vocal composition. This is why all the doctors said there was nothing wrong with me, because there isn’t anything wrong with me! I’m not broken; I’m just going through a natural change. Finally, a diagnosis! 

This is something I never knew happened to female vocalists, everyone always talks about boys going through vocal changes, but not girls…but we go through it too. And on a personal level, apparently, my body does this in a fairly short amount of time. Even during my pre-teen years… I remember getting taller and my body changing very rapidly over one summer…I still have the stretch marks to prove it! I wanted to let you guys in on this because I feel like this “vocal thickening” is a subject that should be addressed more and that female vocalists should be informed that, yes, you will go through this in the beginning of your 30s, and most likely again later on in life. Don’t freak out! Its normal…a pain in the ass, but normal. I’ll go into a bit of anatomy now to better explain to you what all this means. A vocalist depends on good vocal balance, flexibility and larynx memory to do what we do. Balance is achieved by keeping your vocal folds and surrounding muscles neutral, it should feel like you are doing no hard work to resonate. Flexibility is the agility and freedom of your voice while singing. Larynx memory is basically like singing by “feel” instead of just making sound and aiming for a note. It’s knowing, through practice, all the notes in your range, and how they feel on the inside. So you can literally, sing anything you can think of, on key, even without a musical reference. It’s important to know your voice very well. For 18 years of Halestorm, this is how I’ve always sung. Also, remember, your vocal cords are just two delicate bands inside your throat that run on air pressure. It takes a balance of air pressure and those vocal folds meeting and communicating with each other for everything to work. When that balance is disrupted, it’s like a domino effect; everything starts breaking down. 

When my voice started to change, my larynx memory shifted due to the thickening of my vocal folds. My balance was thrown off and to compensate for the lack of ease and flexibility, I was pushing more air than needed in order to get sound and tiring myself out quicker. And singing on a tired voice leads to swelling and singing on a swollen voice (because there’s still a gazillion days of tour left) leads to total hoarseness…you get the picture. Ron also told me that the effect this change is having on me is more noticeable because I actually USE my entire range. But you know what, I’m proud of using my entire range on all these albums and eps. I have built a vocal empire of “fuck yes” and I would rather be dealing with these changes now than have played it safe all those years ago. After all, I’ve never been a woman who included the phrases “just in case” and “what if” in her vocabulary. But there is a little positive bonus that came with my second “thickening”… remember that squeaky register that I talked about earlier? Ron and I found out that it is a whole other resonance in the top of my head voice resonance that has expanded my range an octave! Woo hoo! Rob Halford high notes here I come! Speaking of whom, here’s a fun fact for you: if any of you watch some live videos of us playing “Dissident Aggressor” by Judas Priest in the past year or so, I occasionally would tap into this register at the beginning and end note…before I even knew what it was. 

So, “how is it going” you ask?? Well, it’s the beginning of a journey. I am currently still working with Ron Anderson, and slowly getting to know my “new voice.” He is like a spirit guide for my vocals, helping me get re-balanced and back to basics, all the while getting me fully in control of this new high register I’ve achieved. This is not going to be fixed over night; I’m breaking some old habits and developing new ones. I am in the middle of a metamorphosis, but I am dedicated and I’m going to do whatever it takes because, honestly, this is not a choice. I want to sing forever. In addition to my lessons, I’ve also been taking my lifestyle changes a bit further to better my vocal health. I’ve revamped my diet and my rules of the road, and I’m also trying not to get so stressed and “inside my own head” about everything. My manager, Bill McGathy, whom I saw in London last week, told me I seem happier than he’s seen me in while. Good to know it’s showing!