𝑠𝑢𝑚 Gojo has to watch you walk back into his life with someone else.
𝑤𝑎𝑟𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑠 non-curse au, angst, yearning, secret relationship, denial, time skip, f!reader, miscommunication, mutual pining, no happy ending
He couldn't believe his eyes. It was you. After all these years, you were back in Tokyo.
He remembers that night as if it were yesterday. He replays it in his head every second of the day. First semester, senior year. you'd found him all cuddled up with Suzui. He remembers the hurt in your eyes, the way you didn't even say anything.
You couldn't - you two had been hooking up for about a year, never bothering to make it official.
Though you'd be lying if you said you hadn't fallen hopelessly in love with him. And you thought that those feelings were being reciprocated, but when you saw him with her, you figured you'd been wrong.
Leaving him in the past wasn't easy. You shared the same friends, and now had to watch him parade Suzui around everywhere, watch her publicly get the treatment you'd been getting behind closed doors.
His arms wrapped around her waist, whispering sweet nothings into each other’s ears.
Oh, and not to mention how your own friends, oblivious, or maybe even simply ignorant to your hurt, congratulated the happy couple any chance they got.
But you pulled through. You spoke to him less, spoke less with your friends but kept everything civil. You couldn't bare seeing him so happy, seeing them so happy for him.
Satoru wasn't stupid. He felt you pulling away, but he always thought you wanted to keep it casual. That's why he moved on with Suzui. She was nice, a girl he could really settle down with.
He loved you, but he decided it was easier to date a girl he knew liked him, instead of confronting you with his feelings. He'd never been good at expressing them. He figured you'd eventually move on from him anyways. After graduation, he never saw you again, never heard from you.
Those last months of high school, you'd applied to many universities, even somehow managed to get into Yale. You were glad, finally getting to experience a fresh start, far, far away from Tokyo and everybody you knew.
Though truly, it was hard not seeing Satoru every day, but on the other hand, it was also relieving.
No more Satoru kissing Suzui in front of you - no more parties where they snuck away together like you two used to.
Being so distanced from your hometown, you adapted yourself to life in uni (and abroad).
You made tons of new friends, worked part time at a café and graduated 4 years later. Your highschool years felt so surreal when you thought back to them. You'd met a wonderful guy, who actually took you on dates and loved spending time with you.
You were happy. At peace.
Satoru on the other hand had barely graduated - worked at a club for a while until switching to one of the city’s smaller video rental stores called Couch Cinema. He calls it his “little paradise”, where he could spend basically the whole day doing nothing. And it was close to home so, definitely beats the club, where he slept during the day and worked at night.
He'd broken up with Suzui - well, she had broken up with him. Ever since then he'd been single, hopelessly chasing other women. In reality, you were always in the back of his mind.
You were the reason he couldn’t fully give himself over to someone, you took a part of him with you.
To him, your absence felt like a gaping hole in his chest. He missed your sweet touches, whispering sweet nothings into each other's ears...
He'd been a fool to let you go. And he didn't even know where you were and what you were doing - if you still thought about him like he thought about you?
If he only hadn't been so scared and simply told you how in love with you he was - maybe everything would've been different.
You had gotten a job at your boyfriend's father's company as a sales associate. You two have been dating for the past 2 years, you'd even moved in together. He asked to meet your parents and you kept postponing.
You were scared to go back to Tokyo. You hadn't been there in 5 years. Phone calls with your parents had been enough for you. Your friends hadn’t contacted you much after graduations anyways, just the yearly “Happy Birthday!” messages.
Were the people there still so judgmental? Still so backward? Did the big city still feel so small and suffocating?
And the worst thought of all creeping up slowly from the depths of your mind... - was he still there?
Eventually, your boyfriend managed to convince you to visit Tokyo together. You were staying at your parents’ house, tucked away in the guest room. They’d met your boyfriend and were immediately impressed, your mom already sharing embarrassing stories from when you were little that could only making you cringe and beg her to stop.
Of course, your boyfriend begged her to continue.
Your boyfriend had always been a big fan of everything vintage, so when he found out how many and how popular video rentals were in Japan, he begged you to go get some movies for the two of you. You agreed and gave him a big kiss before the two of you went to bed. All you could do was hope you wouldn’t see anyone you knew from the olden days.
So there you were the next morning, standing in front of Cinema Couch, the nearest video rental store to your house. Your boyfriend had stayed home to help your mother prepare lunch, like the good future son-in-law he is.
You walked in and he immediately recognized you. Beautiful as ever, walking back into his life. He gulped. You couldn't see him like this - what would you think? You two always talked about having big futures- being rich, owning multiple houses, having garages full of old-timers.
And now he was a lowly cashier at Cinema Couch.
Should he go over and talk to you?
No...No… You wouldn't want that.
He’ll just leave you be and hope his colleague comes back so he can go on break before you notice him.
Wait, shit, his colleague went home! He’s alone for the rest of the day!
Okay… so, now he has to face you, great. He immediately grabbed his phone and checked his hair, making sure he looked presentable at the very least.
If the girl, or better said woman, who still makes him go crazy sees him like this, what will she think?
God, it was all so hopeless.
You were walking around looking for movies, you didn't really know which to pick. You figured it would be best to ask one of the employees. You didn't see any walking around, so you walked up to the cash register.
"Hey sorry I was just looking around and wasn't sure which -", as soon as you looked up you felt the air being punched out of your lungs.
You couldn't believe your eyes. It was him. Satoru. The Satoru. Your Satoru. No - what? He wasn't your Satoru...! You had a boyfriend. And yet you still couldn't help but feel mesmerized by those beautiful eyes and that hair that always - always - looked perfect.
Hold on, what the hell were you thinking?!
"Um, yeah I could help... What, uh, what kind of movies were you thinking? What, uh, occasion?", he asked, his eyes gazing over your face. He wondered how someone could look so goddamn perfect.
"Well, me and my boyfriend are visiting my parents and just wanted some movies to watch. do you have any recommendations?", you manage to mutter out, sounding as confident as possible.
"Boyfriend"... it kept ringing in his ears. It felt like a blow to the chest. He was too late. He was stupid. Of course he was too late. How could you not have a boyfriend? Of course you found someone. He was the fool who made the mistake of leaving you, well taking in account that you maybe wouldn’t have left him on your own like he thought you would. He was the one stuck on a fleeting romance from half a decade ago.
"Well, the second "Ghostbusters" movie is a big hit here. All the “Jurassic Park” movies as well... Um, maybe for a more romantic spin "When Harry met Sally"?
"Yeah... that last one sounds nice. Have you watched it? Is it good?"
Maybe you weren’t really interested in the movie. Maybe you just wanted to shove your perfect relationship in his face and show him how happy you were without him.
Maybe you were still a little mad at him… but definitely over him!
"It's a pretty good movie. I, uh, watched it not too long ago. So um...", he clears his throat, "How have you been?"
"Just give me the movie Gojo...", you say, not indulging in his small talk. If he was so interested, he would've called. Would've asked about you. Wouldn't have dated Suzui.
Okay, fine, yes, you were still holding a grudge.
He couldn’t lie, the way you called him “Gojo” felt like a knife right through the heart. You never called him that. It was always “Satoru” or “Toru”.
"Right, 'm sorry. I'll go get it.", he says leaving you at the register, waiting. Not long after he returns.
"Alrighty, is that it? Can I check you out? Not in that way - I mean check you out as in- you know-"
"I know what you mean Gojo. Yes, get on with it.", you say sternly, eager to leave the store. You subconsciously observed him. The way his hands moved, the bobbing of his adam's apple... Was he as nervous as you were? Your gaze softened, you could watch him for hours. Only when you realize that he's asking you to pay do you snap back into reality.
"Right, sorry.", you say as you take your wallet out of your purse and put the money in his hand. Both of you just kind of stand there. He looks like he's about to say something, but ultimately doesn't. He just pulls his hand away and puts the cash in the register.
"Have a great day, miss.", he says with a smile and you walk out. Didn’t even reply.
He wonders if you're just walking out of the store - or walking out of his life again? He can't let you. He has to make it right.
You walk back to your parents' house, your boyfriend already waiting on the couch. You take your jacket off and sit next to him, putting your legs over his thighs. He puts an arm over your shoulder, pulling you in and kissing your head.
"Did you get something to watch?", he asks.
"I did." and as soon as you speak it, you have to think of Satoru again. He's really never looked better... He still had such kind eyes - no. What were you thinking? Where was your mind slipping to again? You're cuddled up with your boyfriend and thinking of steve?
To distract yourself, you stand up and put the movie on. Your father was still working, but he should be home by the time the movie ends, so that you could all eat together. Not long after the movie starts, you feel yourself dozing off - it is a long way from Connecticut to Tokyo and you were still jet lagged. You fell asleep in your boyfriend's arms.
Not long after, he awoke you from your nap. It was lunch time. The four of you sat down to eat.
Satoru on the other hand just finished his shift. He couldn’t stop thinking about you. How beautiful you looked. How you still light up every room you walk in. How you still make his heart race. How he fucked up. How he wishes he could just grab your face and kiss you, like he used to.
Before he ruined everything, before ditching you for a girl that ended up dumping him. He gets on his bike and rides home, your figure, face and voice haunting him. Your coldness, which he deserved. He wonders if he can still win you over - he has to. He hopes you'll come back - you have to anyways, you have to return the movie! And that's the perfect excuse he has to talk to you. So he'll just wait.
A couple of days had passed, Satoru waited longingly. Wondering if he should just visit you. But then he'd be confronted by the harsh reality of your boyfriend. He kept staring at the door like if he'd look away you'd speed past him. Every day since you had come he’d spent staring at that damn door.
And then he finally saw you walking to the store. He felt his heart race. Finally. You're finally here. You walk in and he shoots you a smile. Unsurprisingly, you don't smile back. You walk up to him and put the VHS on the counter. Your eyes lock, neither of you looking at the VHS. The tension between you was so thick it could be cut with a knife. He must’ve just been imagining it.
"Ready to give it back already? Did you like it?" he asks, picking it up.
"I don't know, I fell asleep.", you reply, you can't help but stare at him again. Well - it wasn't really staring, it was admiring. He just has that effect on you - well not just you... all people, right? Well he has to, he’s gorgeous, that’s why he was such a ladies man.
"Right... I guess you traveled too long huh? I remember you used to be really tired after any kind of trip." he chuckles. Why does he insist on making the conversation private? Well, since he's doing it... You might as well.
"Uh... you and Suzui still a thing?"
"Me and Su? Nah…no, uh, we broke up. Well, she broke up with me. Found a new guy. I’m all alone now. Have been for the last 4 years.” he says, a slight frown forming on his face.
"Oh... that must suck... You really seemed to like her. You two were such a happy couple." you said, sucking your breath in. Maybe that was a little mean.
"Well, I don’t know if I would really say that… But, I think we have so much we could catch up on. How about we get some coffee or something? Tonight maybe? How long are you staying?" There. He said it - he dared ask you. He had no other choice. He wouldn’t let you run away this time.
A long silence follows, the two of you just staring at each other, seeing who’ll talk first.
You're shocked by his invitation and you know you should say no, but a part of you really wants this. Wants to know what he has to say, wants the closure. Hell, a part of you even misses him. As a friend of course, just as a friend.
"Oh, sure. i'm staying 'till the end of the week. We can get a drink tonight. I’m sure my boyfriend will like me catching up with an old friend" you smile at him, but on the inside you feel like you’ll explode into a million pieces.
He can’t believe his ears. And for the first time in 5 years, you see that shit-eating grin again.
“Great, tonight. 7p.m.? I’ll see you there.”
You two needn’t name the place, you already knew where you’d go. Your favorite coffee place, which you went to practically every day back in high school.
So there you were, in your parents' bathroom, doing your hair for a meeting with Satoru. Doing your makeup really precisely. You can’t remember the last time you wore this much of it anyways. You picked out your prettiest dress, God it's like all those years ago. But it's without feelings this time.
You've still got your boyfriend. And you love him. Very much. Talking about marriage kind of very much.
You put on your lipstick, grab your purse and are ready to go. You slip past the front door, your parents and boyfriend playing some kind of game together in the dining room. You didn’t want them to see you like this.
You get into the taxi you ordered, chatting a little with the driver.
“Wow, who’s the lucky guy, huh?”, the driver asks.
You feel a blush creep up your neck.
“Oh, nobody, just an old friend… We’re just hanging out to catch up. I- uh- I’ve got a boyfriend.”
“Sorry, doll, but you don’t go out lookin’ like that to see someone who’s “just a friend”. Kinda makes me feel bad for the guy you left at home, huh?”
You just look forward in shock. Maybe it did just hit you. The driver laughs dryly. Soon after you get to the café and pay the driver, straightening your dress as you get out of the car.
You walk in and recognize him immediately. He's already sitting at a table. At your favorite table. He got ready too. He's in a polo shirt and... your favorite jeans. The ones you always used to compliment. Must be a coincidence. You get flashbacks to the exact moment where you told him they looked amazing.
You smile and sit down. You both order a drink. You're talking, catching up. You talk about your old friend group, how he’s still technically friends with them but also only gets that yearly birthday message. He opens up about the breakup between him and Suzui. You feel his gaze all over you. He's looking at you the way he use to. He clears his throat.
"Gojo..", you feel a blush creeping up your cheeks.
"I’m serious, you look stunning. And can you quit the formalities? You’re really killing me here."
"You can't say that... You don't mean it.", you say, averting your gaze.
"What? Why wouldn't I mean it?", he asks, a puzzled expression on his face.
"You're just saying that because you're alone."
"Yes!", you interrupt him.
He slams his palms on the table.
"No! I'm alone because I’m goddamn in love with you! Because no other woman compares to vou! Because I was a dumbass in high school who was scared to confess his feelings! It was you who didn't want me so don’t try to blame this shit on me!", his face now red.
"I didn't want you? I didn’t want you?! I was hopelessly waiting for you to ask me to be your girlfriend - fuck! - I put up with that secret shit for a whole year! just for you to pop out with Suzui! Fucking Suzui! Like who the fuck was she even? Where the fuck did you pick her up from?! Do you know how fucking much that hurt?!" you burst out, tears forming in your eyes.
Silence. Until the only sound that’s filling it is your quiet sobs. He stares, wide-eyed.
"What? I... I didn't know. You've been on my mind since forever. Even when I was with her, I was thinking of you. She never even compared. I'm so sorry... I was such a moron. Fuck… Do you think... Do you think you could consider taking me back?"
“Please? I love you. I swear I’ll make this right.”
A sudden embarrassing realization of why you were here struck you. And that goddamn taxi driver. He was right. That stupid love confession made you remember “the guy you left at home”.
"Satoru, I have a boyfriend now... I have a really good job, I - I can't hijack my life for you! For a fantasy of yours. You're too late - I can't do this." You stand up from the table, tears rolling down your cheek, which you try to dab away without completely fucking your makeup up. You grab your purse and start walking out. He runs after you, of course he does.
"A fantasy? This isn't a fantasy! I really love you!"
“How do you expect us to work out if we’ve been avoiding each other for half a decade because of a fucking miscommunication?!”
You practically screaming in the parking lot of the café. This is some cheesy rom-com shit. All that’s missing is the rain.
“We were young back then! But now we know, right?- Please? I love you! I know you love me too!”
"Satoru you're late. Didn't you hear me?! I loved you too! and yes, I still do, but I can't just do this - my boyfriend, he's a sweetheart, he's not you but he's-"
He grabs your wrist. "See, even you're admitting to it! He's not me! You're in love with me too! What's stopping you?!"
You look up into his eyes, your vision blurry from the tears but still clear enough to see the face of the man you loved.
"The risk. I can't risk it. I'm sorry."
Your free hand reaches up to stroke his face. He leans right into it. You slowly inch your face closer and closer to his until you finally close the gap and press your lips against his.
He lets go of your wrist and immediately wraps his arms around your waist, one of his hands slowly moving up your back to hold your head. The kiss was slow, passionate, fleeting, full of unspoken, unresolved feelings. Just like the two of you.
You pull away and shift your gaze from his lips to his eyes. Those piercing, blue eyes. This time they really felt like they were piercing through you.
"Goodbye, Satoru." you say while stroking your fingers through his hair. He hesitates, but lets you go. You turn around in your heels and begin walking away. His heart burns, but at least he got his goodbye-kiss.
Maybe in another life, you would be his girl.
I actually have this song on repeat rn no joke.
credits to @angeliicide 4 the beautiful dividers!
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