MissFrankieYve

     Here is a short paragraph from Jessica Ghawi on her thoughts of the Eaton Shootings, that she narrowly missed. I think it's important quote and I hope it gets put out into the world for everyone to hear and understand.       "I say all the time that every moment we have to live our life is a blessing. So often I have found myself taking it for granted. Every hug from a family member. Every laugh we share with friends. Even the times of solitude are all blessings. Every second of every day is a gift. After Saturday evening, I know I truly understand how blessed I am for each second I am given."       She was fatally wounded in the Aurora Shootings, a girl who aspired to become a sports broadcaster and had gone to live in Colorado to follow her dreams. She was taken too soon. I know that tonight when I tell my mother goodnight, it will have special meaning and something I just say because I do.

My heart and prayers go out to everyone effected and involved!

Another day that we wake up to find another tragic shooting has occurred. I started my day just as a usually do, good positive thoughts, take the dogs out, make breakfast, and then check my computer to see what's going on in the world. My Google news feed had The Dark Knight Rises on it and so I was expecting to find world records being broken at the box office but instead the headlines read "12 dead, 50 injured" "Worst Massacre Since Columbine" and so on. My immediately had tears in my eyes, I have no connection to these people but everyone knows the feeling of pure excitement and joy when going to see a new movie at midnight. How can such a happy moment be torn apart in an instance? My heart sunk at the story of Jessica Ghawi, who had just missed the Toronto Eaton Shooting, had been fatally wounded in the theater. I read her story and it inspired me, she wanted to become a sports broadcaster/journalist, just like I aspire to become. Such a beautiful talented life taken away too soon. Let us not forget everyone involved, the baby, the young children, adults, pregnant women, and men. And to all those who bravely helped other moviegoers who tried to get our and/or injured.

Let all those who passed come to light and have their stories shared. Let the families of all the victim's be given respect and privacy during this time.

My heart breaks for all the victim's who will live with this all their life and my prayers go out to everyone involved.

It's been awhile since I blogged about my half-marathon training, so I thought I would write a short update!Things are going great! I do an hour run everyday and walk everywhere. I've completely changed my eating habits and eat around the same time everyday. I'm a huge food lover and so I had to adjust my favorite food into more healthy items. Salad everyday, porridge and fruit for breakfast, veggie's or healthy muffins for snacks, and a good portion dinner. The big thing I've cut has been soda! Soda for me was an addiction, if I could I would drink it instead of water or juice. I remember just drinking Soda for a week once! I'm proud to say I haven't had a pop for a month now. I feel healthier and have lost weight. But of course I have a 1 day cheat day. Just because I'm trying to get fit and healthy doesn't mean I have to give up my favorite food, so I tweek them a little bit to make it healthier. Breads: change everything to whole wheat, I use to loathe anything whole grain but now I'm embracing it! Pasta: use whole wheat pasta and add some steamed veggies like carrots and broccoli, but add a nice white sauce or cheese sauce(my fave!) because whole wheat pasta can be very dry and bland so you should have a nice sauce with it! Always have salad but add fruit such as apples, pineapple, grapes, or nuts and anything that you like. I will add some of my favorite recipes soon that I hope everyone enjoys! All I drink is water, the occasional glass of milk or juice.I'm also going to be joining a gym soon to work on my muscles and sometimes it's nice to use treadmills because it rains a lot!I'm so excited about this half-marathon and completely an item off my bucket list!

I hope everyone has a safe and wonderful summer!!

     The time of year I dread almost as much as my birthday, is Father's Day. It reminds me of all the negative times of my father. My mother left him when I was 3 because he was an alcoholic and wanted to have a better life for me. She was very insistent that I have a relationship with him because he was my father. He stayed on the coast while we moved to the sunshine and beaches. A 6 hour drive. He came to see me whenever he could, and would always bring me gifts. Or I would catch a ride with a family friend who was going that way. I spent my summer's bouncing between my maternal grandmother's house and his apartment.

I appreciate everything my mom did to help me maintain a relationship with me because it was the right thing to do. And she built me a home that was happy and warm.

     The memories that I can remember with him are being left alone with his grandmother, who is born and raised Czech, while he went out to drink with his friends. I remember calling him asking when he was coming home, and he said 1 hour. An hour later I called him again and I got the same response. This went on until I fell asleep and he would come home 4 hours later. Then we would drive all around while he did "work", I've never known what he actually did as a job. Then we'd go back to his apartment which was a 1 room, 1 bath small place, we'd eat lunch and watch TV, then he'd fall asleep for an hour or two. I was bored and unhappy. I'd rather be with my aunt or my brother because they would have enough time for me. He once was visiting and showed up to my house wanting to take me to a movie but he was in a bad mood and guess.... Drunk! I said no to going and he got very upset, we were fighting, and even my animals were scared as they were hiding underneath my chair. My dog start growling at him and he kicked my dog. I yelled and ran inside with the dogs. I locked the door and grabbed the phone. I told him to leave, he refused and tried to convince to come back out and that I was being silly. Again, I demanded that he leave or I will call the police on him. He left angrily and I didn't see him after that.

It seemed as though he never wanted to spend time with me and that I didn't matter.

     The only good memories I have was when he would take me to visit his friends, who are married and had children. The wife would keep me busy and play with me, we'd go out to the park and play with their golden retriever. My father would be drinking. These people were so nice that for my 13 birthday, they gave me a small party. Their daughter and her friend did a movie night for me and we had candy and cupcakes... My dad was drunk. There was another time when I was meeting these other friends of his who had a family and a daughter around my age who had a playroom and bunnies. I had some fun with the bunnies because I didn't have any animals of my own, and then we played with some toys. I hadn't seen my dad for about 2 hours and I began to feel sick, as I was already home sick from my mom. His friend's wife told me that my dad was not feeling well and that we would be sleeping over. I was in an unfamiliar place, homesick, and I couldn't find my dad. Little did I know was that he was drunk, couldn't drive and passed out on a couch in his friends office.

I will always be grateful to his friends who gave me a birthday party. It was so much fun that weekend and they always were kind and warm to me whenever I came.

     As I grew older I began to understand what he was doing and would dread anytime he would visit. I no longer went to visit him and reduced our relationship to phone calls and his rare visits. During these phone calls he would berate me and my moms family. I always ended up crying after I got off the phone. Then of course I tell my mom and she confronts him and they get into a huge fight. When he came to visit, he would mention things like my weight, acne, or how I dress. If I bring up a family member he would get pissed off and tell me things about them. In a conversation he was always right and I was wrong and stupid. He thought I should be like his friend's daughter's who were straight A students, enjoyed sports, and be pretty. Once even saying "I'm wasn't worthy". During a summer vacation to my cousins, I would spend 2 weeks with them and then 2 weeks with my dad. It was time to leave and so I tried to get a hold of him to make plans but he declined my calls. I was starting to get upset and so we all went and roasted marshmallows. I called my mom to inform her that my dad wasn't answering and so she stepped in. He answered her call, and told her he would not be picking me up or spending time with me because he hated my aunt and uncle because they supposedly didn't take care of me. They took better care of me than my father ever did. So then my mom was forced to take a day of work, make the 6 hour drive, and come to pick me up to bring me home early. But we stopped at our family cabin and had a girls weekend and had the best time!

This was the hardest time. I was just beginning my teen years and he pushed me into darkness.

I was already battling depression at 14, and having problems at school. I stopped calling him and he stopped calling me. A year went by, I kept in contact with his mother but never spoke to him. A year after I got an unexpected call him from him which was so surprising I had hung up upon hearing his voice. I ran to my mom and we spoke for a couple minutes but it was late and she had work in the morning. I went to bed as she told me to do, and I lay there crying as everything came back. I took a long hard week of thinking on what I was supposed to do, my mom said it was up to me now that I was old enough to make my own decisions. I decided to give him a chance to say what he wanted to say. I got hope that maybe he has changed and I can have a real father-daughter relationship again... Well that was completely crushed when he started making accusation about my mom and her family. And he stopped paying child support and refused to give me any money when I wished to get a simple pair of jeans. Instead he payed for another kid of a friends who dined and ditched. I now have moved closer to where he lives and did not speak to him as he was very unhappy about us moving. I haven't spoken to him for a year and 2 months. I discovered through his mom, that he had been spying on the place we were living him and was disgusted by it. We moved again into a new house and I demanded that she not reveal my address. She understood.

My mom's family were always strong confident people, and I was raised that way. My family's history with men isn't the most positive situation. So we learn to be independent, work hard, and being happy is the main priority. At this point I was beginning to get the hereditary stubbornness that runs in my familywhen we don't want to do something. We moved because my mom got a promotion and to be closer to her family.

My father wasn't brought up into a very happy family, and most of his live in Czechoslovakia. I've only ever met his mother who lives in Canada, and his niece who came to visit. I got to teach her English because she didn't understand a word I said and I didn't speak Czech. Anytime I asked him about his family he would say he didn't have any and they don't matter.

I very much resent not knowing who he is and who my paternal family is. I want to do a familyhistory but no one gives me information and it's too painful for my grandmother to talk about.

To me personally, family is everything. I'm close with my mom, in fact people find us more like sisters because we bicker a lot. I'm extremely close with my grandmother. My brother and I are close and like to have some fun. My cousin and I are working on getting closer as we are complete opposites. I enjoy when the entire family gets together at the cabin and we have a good weekend. As my brother's tattoo says "Without my family I am nothing".

     It's been a long time since I last blogged but there's something important that I thought should be written about. Alzheimer's/Dementia Disease. I knew that my great grandmother had it and passed away before I was born but it never had occurred to me that my grandma would get it. She has beaten breast cancer and has been my hero since I was little because she partially raised me since my mom was a hardworking single parent.

     Over the last few years she has had numerous health issues but they've been small. Recently she has been acting out of character, worrying about things she never used to, saying stuff about family members that cross the line, and much more. My grandmother supposedly was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease just like her mother but they said it was slow progression... well now it's speeding up.

     My first thought when she started being irrational was to just shrug it off, because it's just a phase. Well it's not just a phase I learned and it keeps getting harder. She has her good days when she's almost back to her old self, then she has her bad days when shes stubborn, controlling, and crosses the line. Your first instinct is to get upset and be hurt by what she has said, but then you have to remember it's not her fault because in the next week she'll have forgotten it. A few example is when you tell her you may be going to our family cabin, she takes it seriously and in her mind it's a determined fact.

She has also accused my mother of being a drug addict just because someone told her something about the town we lived in, it was the most extremely upsetting thing that she has done so far, to call me all worried and concerned, and then accusing my mom of that. I thought how could she! My mom never has touched a drug but has been sober of alcohol for 20 years which our generations of family has had a problem with. I told my grandma that if my mom were a drug addict I would know and I wouldn't have it in my life. I think drugs are stupid and I watched my father as an alcoholic and don't believe in it.

She also agreed to, after 10 years of saying No, to removing the shrubs at our cabin that our neighbor has been wanting to do but these aren't any ordinary shrubs they've been there for about 20-30 years and were the start of our cabin. Last but not least she had a major fit when my brother, who is 40, wanted to go to the cabin with his friend for a quiet guy's weekend. She got all upset and ended up having a conversation with him that even stunned and upset him. A month later, when my mom calmly confronted her about why he hasn't gone up there lately, she had no idea about what she had said and attempted to deny it.

    It's been hard for my family trying to adjust to how she is now, she used to be all happy and always wanted to come for Christmas. That's just how it was, grandma always came for Christmas. Her greatest accomplishment is her family, 2 kids she birthed and 2 she adopted, one with schizophrenia. 4 grandkids and a partner of 30 years. Some of our family don't even bother trying to understand what she's going through as were not a tight knit close family. Some just get so frustrated with her when she's controlling and paranoid that they just give up. I however talk to my grandmother everyday and I refuse to to give up and have been getting impatient with my family lately. I always have high morals for family because in the end that's where you come from and who you have left. But what can a 17 year old girl do?

     We can't take legal action because she is still capable mentally and physically and is no danger to herself or others, and she quit driving a year ago and has said she thinks she wants to go into a home. She wants to be near our family cabin because that's been her happy place, but for our family it's inconvenient because it's an hour and a half drive to the town she wants to be in. My family is now all in close proximity to each other and we would like her to be as well so she can see us and we can see her more than we do. I keep a journal of everything she says or does so that I can help her keep track of things because she forgets.

     You always see pamphlets about saying "How to Prepare" for whatever it is, cancer, death, newborn babies, life after high school, and Alzheimer's. I've tried to prepare myself for numerous things but I never actually am prepared. I prepare by being Aware, Focused, and Calm. Be aware of what the disease is and understand it to the best of your ability. Focus on the positive and not the negative. Negativity is no help and will just end up being bad for both you and your relative. Be positive about the past, bring up special memories that make you happy and that will make the other person happy too. Be positive about the future. Most important is be Calm! I can't stress this enough because the emotion you have will reflect on the other person. You will never be fully prepared for anything until it happens because everyone is different and every situation will play out differently.

    I know this will be hard until the end but you can only be grateful for the amazing memories you have with this special person. No matter what my grandmother says she will always be my hero because I know that this is not her. My grandmother is a caring, nurturing, loving, genuine, hard working, adviser, happy and irreplaceable person in my life. Each night I say a prayer and everyday I look forward to the future with her.

     It's hard, stressful, and scary but it's another life lesson that needs to be learned and I believe that you can learn a lot of stuff about yourself in the process.

---- Share your thoughts on Alzheimer's and how you cope with a loved one suffering from this disease.

This weekend I found what looks to be a great Marathon, and I decided that at 17 I will run my first one in September! I've always wanted to try a marathon and I thought this summer would be perfect since I've moved recently and a great way to get to know the community! I'm not doing this for the chance to win but for helping out local charities, becoming healthy and fit, having fun, listening to music, and to find myself. I ran track in elementary school and I was in a team that same in second for a sprint race. I love to run, I think it exercises the body and the brain. And with a marathon comes lots of hard work, sweat, determination, and training! Today I decided March 12 will be Day 1 of Training. I decided to walk to my cousins house to have a visit and see her graduation dress. I Google Mapped it and it gave me a good route and only said it would take an hour, so I thought "What the heck, let's go for a walk". I got started and it was a huge wind/rain storm and actually had to hold onto a pole just to stay upright because the wind is so strong! Then the rain start pouring and I start running. I ended up getting lost 3 times and walked/ran 5.8km in 1h40min! I think for never exercising and being caught in a storm that time is pretty good considering I will be running 20km for my marathon! Of course this is just the first day and I will become better  and better with more training!

After getting home, I didn't feel tired but rather happy and proud of myself. I feel like I've unleashed another side of me that is going to get out because with my happiness of today, I actually did my chores, then made delicious muffins! I ate a delicious pasta salad that my Auntie made me and I was in heaven! To keep myself focused and prepared I have created a Training Binder! It has training logs, healthy recipe, exercises, and inspiration pages!

I will be updating every couple days or whenever anything exciting happens!

Okay, sometimes I get really inspired to bake and usually it is with Cupcakes but every once in awhile I bake crazy muffins! I've tried ones with bananas, chocolate chips, nuts, fruit. EVERYTHING! But I finally think I've made the perfect muffin! Delicious, moist and beautiful!

Recipe:

1 1/2 Cups- flour or whole wheat flour.(you can also go half with each!)

1 Cup- Rolled Oats

1/2 Cup- White sugar or Brown Sugar

1 tbsp- Baking Powder

1 Tsp- Cinnamon and Nutmeg (I do it til it tastes right)

1 Cup- Milk

1- Egg

1/4 Cup- Vegetable Oil or Melted Butter

1 Tsp- Vanilla

1 or 2 Grated Carrots

1 Apple

Hand full of Walnuts- Choppped

Preheat Oven: 375F

Preparations:

1. Mix together flour(s), oats, sugar, baking powder, cinnamon, and nutmeg. Set bowl aside.

2. In another bowl mix together your wet ingredients; Milk, egg, butter(or oil), and Vanilla. Set aside

3. Grate your carrot and apple and chop the walnuts.

4. Make a well in the dry ingredients and pour in the wet ingredients. Then add your carrot, apple, and walnuts.

5. Mix until the dry ingredients are just moistened.

6. Fill up your muffin tin or loaf pan with the batter and Bake for 20 mins or until toothpick comes out clean.

So today as I was drawing a new layout for a painting I'm going to do, a knock came at my door. I saw the person through the window before and thought "Oh it's for the people upstairs" but they knocked on our door so I opened it and there was a lady dropping off a chocolate gift basket for my mom. I was excited for the chocolate but confused at why it was getting dropped off at our house and who it was from. I phoned my mom and told her about it and then said she didn't know who it was but when I told her the name of the people she told me "those people are friends of your father and I had helped them a while back" but what the creepy part is, is that how did they know our address? I'm estranged from my father and haven't talked to him for a long time after a falling out between him and I, I will talk about this in a later blog. So how did they get our address? I checked and we're not in a phonebook, and the only person I know who has it is my paternal grandmother and so it begs the question if my dad had anything to do with this and knows my address. Despite my bad history with him, I'm still the bigger person and was debating on just accepting the gift and not sending back anything. Yes, I know this is my moms gift but I'm the card writer in the household :P Since we're not exactly friends and barely know the people who sent it, I'm just gonna send a Christmas/Thank You card. Why? My 8th grade health ed teacher told us on our very first day of class, that if there's one thing we should remember is this quote which he had painted on the wall and tattooed on his arm "You Reap What You Sow". If you send bad things into the world, they will come back at you. So I've always remembered this and will hopefully be getting it tattooed on me in the near future. Whether this was a kind gesture or not, the right thing to do is to write a Thank You card because I like receiving cards and writing them and it's just a nice gesture towards them for the lovely and kind of expensive chocolate gift basket.

Remember: "You Reap What You Sow". What you put into this world you will get back. Whether it's negative or positive.

So after this terrible year and the fact that I actually have money for once, I thought I'd buy my mom a gift this year for xmas instead of a lousy card. She's always wanted a Kobo eReader in Lilac, so I got the family to pitch in so it can be love and appreciation gift. My mother is selfless and is always thinking and doing for others and never gets anything in return, she was in the hospital this year and found out some scary things, which made me think about how we fight about the stupid things and never show each other love that we should. So I thought by getting her this gift it would be a great way to show that I listen, I love her, and a way to make her be surprised and have a fulfilling smile on Christmas morning to see an unexpected gift from "Santa Claus" underneath the tree! Now for the tricky part, I'm sixteen, no car, know barely anyone in my new town.... How do I get this gift without her knowledge?? I did Xmas Mission Impossible! I wanted to get it early in case the stock ran out and had to wait to get it ordered. And also to make sure it works so I can get any kinks out and be ready. 

Plan A: FAILED-After 3 days of calling Future Shop and no one answering so I could check the stock. Plan B: SUCCESS--We've had some pretty nasty storms where I live and it took out the power for quite some time so my mom wanted to buy some flash lights and candles in case we get another heavy storm like predicted, and I told her "Ok, let's go to zellers because then you can get a shirt for your work Christmas party", secretly I had another Idea, future shop and best buy are both in the same mall! She agreed to it and I told her "And while we're there I will mail my letter to lil gramma and get the Michael Buble Christmas Album". While she waited in the car so we could get going, I snuck her 2nd car key from her work bag and put it in my pocket and went to the car. I sat in the backseat so she wouldn't get suspicious when I would be back there later. We got there and we walked to the side walk and parted our way, I turned around and saw that she had gone into Zellers, I bolted to Future Shop! I ran across the mall, people probably thought I stole something, and ran into the Future Shop and asked where the eReaders were and I went to the back left corner... I asked about 3 people who barely spoke English where I could find someone to help me to open the locked cupboard to get the one I wanted. 15 mins later I finally found the right person to help me(so much for a quick trip, in and out) and she got it for me and also recommended that I get a case for it which was worth an extra $50 to my already price of $139.99. I also got a $30 1 year warranty for it. At the till my total came to $250 dollars.

So now my next task what to get the present to the car, hide it, and then find my mom in Zellers. I ran across the parking lot, again people probably thought I stole something, and grabbed the extra key, unlocked the car and hid the gift underneath the backseat where I sat. Locked the car and headed into Zellers. Found my mom and she whined that "this the the absolutely worst store I've ever been too". And so I still wanted to look for the Michael Buble CD and she said "Ok I'll wait in the car" that sent red flags up in my mind because she'll randomly look for something and next thing you know she'll find the gift. So I said "nah I'll get it later". Off we went back to the car to drive a few rows down so mom wouldn't have to walk far away to winners, it wasn't too far, right beside Future Shop. We went to Winner's to find mom a new top for her party. We came home, she went for a smoke and I put the key back, and then she went to bed so I snuck out the car to get the gift... Played with it to make sure it worked and everything is good with it.... I charged it too. 

The secret didn't last long because only 24 hours since I got it and during writing this blog, my mom kept bugging me about how much she wanted a Kobo and after a few minutes of holding back I burst out laughing and gave her the middle finger and went to get the Kobo... She's thoroughly surprised and happy, although it isn't christmas, it was kind of worth giving it to her now... Now she says I have to wrap it on Christmas Eve and watch her be all fake surprised!

Happy Holidays Everyone!! Hope you all can keep a better secret than I!