i write what doesnt settle me until it feels quiet

but i knew you

when your spark was bright

an unfiltered imagination

the light behind those eyes

filled with curiosity

hope

desire

it’s not easy

to be surrounded by a world

where authenticity is punished

somehow you’re standing there

defending a crime

you didn’t commit

while your own thoughts

someday

when you’re sitting in the night

on the porch

watching the steady sky

listening to nature call you

when you feel ready

and the world starts treating you better

when your voice is heard

without question

when the days feel easy

when safety stops feeling unfamiliar

when peace isn’t suspicious

tell your younger self

what if it could all go right

I hope you read this

when you have everything you once wanted

a home

company that felt so easy

her strength is the rawness

not the perfection

a smile that hooks you instantly

but there’s pain behind those eyes

it doesn’t stop her kindness

you’d think she’d give up on loving others

if anything

she loves harder than anyone before

she’s deserving of a love

just as deep

one i’m not sure

if it’s places

i’ve got many

if it’s a feeling

i’m not sure i’ve found it

i imagine a home where

feeling safe

loved

at peace

is the bare minimum

i’m homesick

for a place filled with laughter

where i exist without explaining myself

in fact

that’s where my mind feels most at peace

where thoughts can run free

no judgment

a quiet space

no peering eyes

just you

you don't worry

letting someone else drive

is easier

right?

then it hits

it's an unfamiliar place

you cannot leave

your mind starts to question

but your body knows

exactly how to be

and there you are

between the voice in your mind

no one questions you

a welcoming smile

appropriately timed laughter

an approved tone

why would anyone question

the one making them comfortable

but when you’re you

you find yourself answering

for other people’s insecurities

what’s wrong?

why are you mad?

you’re rude

that’s weird

they’re the real creators

of the mask

and suddenly

independence looks like strength

really

it’s easier to carry more alone

the difference between being alone

and feeling alone

is safety

there’s a vulnerability no one speaks of

while you uncover the parts of you

that had been buried

you start to realise

questioning reality

why can no one see

what you see

you start to carry it

the weight of truth

quietly

while others

let it fall away

and you are left

holding it

when you get good at the game

too good

you don't want to be right

not because being right
is wrong

but because everyone wishes
you were

and there you are

defending a truth

i’m all too familiar with

the pattern is the same

just slightly different pieces

the picture becomes clear

before anything is pieced together

in those moments

my mind shuts off

until hours later

or days

maybe even months

something waited patiently

for silence

and suddenly

my body remembered

what my mind

a laugh

a tear

a tear

what turns sadness

into grief

annoyance

into irritation

is it knowing

that’s how you’re meant to be

in the moment

or is it the way it moves through you

when you’re finally alone

and it comes flooding in

all at once

is it the feeling

or have you forgotten

of the piece you created

to protect yourself

a mask that was only meant

to get you through

the hard days

but the hard days

became everyday

the mask embedded itself

like armour

and suddenly

that’s all you are

and the price you paid

life becoming something watched

my mind is loud

too loud

my body stays alert

like someone still expects something of me

when the performance stops

there’s just silence

am I being too much

when you wear a mask

for too long

you forget

why you were wearing one

to begin with

and that’s not all

you forget

your sense of self

fades into memory

until you’re not quite sure

what was ever real

because you were too busy

making sure