that’s usually how people describe a busy brain.
it’s not quite how i’d describe mine, though.
hold my hand so you don’t get lost.
there tends to be quite a lot of distractions.
just an endless room filled with filing cabinets.
the first ones i want to show you are my favourites.
you can tell they’re well loved.
the kind of keepsakes you could never throw away.
opening them feels like arriving home to freshly baked cupcakes coming out of the oven.
then there are the ones that desperately need an upgrade.
files are bursting out the sides.
the drawers barely close.
i’m usually rummaging through these when i desperately need to find something mid-conversation.
it’s like looking for that one top i’m sure i owned, only to end up with my whole wardrobe on the floor.
sometimes i find something close enough.
if i’m really lucky, a 90s hit suddenly starts playing on repeat instead.
housekeeping’s sick of these ones.
oddly enough, right beside them are the cabinets that always make me feel out of place.
they’re perfectly organised.
like they’re judging me for spending another day in my pyjamas.
i assume they’re meant to be in charge.
they’re doing a terrible job.
i visit them every now and then, convinced they must have been important once.
i never really understand why they’re organised the way they are.
so i quietly close the drawer again.
some cabinets are shoved all the way at the back.
like closing the spare room door because you don’t know where to start.
my therapist likes to pry these ones open.
inside are crumpled pages.
somehow she has a way of making them a little easier to look at.
and then there are the really big cabinets.
the ones that make my stomach drop.
they’re supposed to alert me when there’s something important to do.
the alarm’s faulty though.
sometimes it goes off and i can’t switch it off until i’ve done the thing.
i feel like i’m about to miss a flight.
only to realise it’s telling me to find my passport at three in the morning.
you have to see these ones.
i may have bedazzled these.
they’re impossible to ignore.
i can never seem to find the keys.
where would you like to go?
drive across the country.
they’re full of ideas i’ve been saving for the day i find the key.
not everything makes sense to file.
so they’re left in little dysfunctional piles.
they make perfect sense to me.
sometimes i pick one up and a memory appears out of nowhere.
like those flashbacks that creep in just as you’re about to fall asleep.
or suddenly i’m trying not to laugh at the worst possible moment.
the cabinets aren’t the only attraction here.
sometimes the lights turn off.
the whole room rearranges itself.
it always seems to happen at the worst possible time.
suddenly i can’t find anything.
it’s like driving at night and turning the music down so you can see your turn.
there are cabinets i never noticed before.
we’re still learning how to get along.
but i imagine if all the filing cabinets could talk,
“thank fuck she’s medicated.”
origamiaround
yousharknotpass
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