Plus ultra that fucking dick - BlankW0lf

if I can’t unsee this, so cant you

“Is there friendly fire?” I ask to my teammate who is about to get very mad

i wish sleep worked like it does in minecraft

*slaps my bed and blacks out for 12 hours*

ah yes, the furi bosses. with their vague names and moral righteousness. or as i like to call them; that fucker, traffic light, grandpa, sewer guy, my dad, mercy, sniper bitch, parry central, waifu, and i robot.

oh and when i was a year old, after i got my foot amputated my parents were pushing me around in a stroller at a street festival in miami and i was chewing on my foot or whatever and this street performer came up to us and was like “aw i bet that tastes good!!” and my dad was like “yeah look at what she did to the other one!!!!” and pulled back the blanket covering my left leg to show a stump with a huge scar on it and i’m pretty sure my dad terrified that poor man

I LOVE SCIENCE TEACHERS

I’M SORRY BUT HOW BADLY DID HE FUCK UP READING HIS CALIPER?

#my environmental science teacher was demonstrating how pumice can float#so she just went around the room dropping them into people’s water bottles#but one of them didn’t float#so then she lit a match and dropped it into the bottle#and it blew up#that’s how we found out that the kid was drinking alcohol at school x

Scars are really cool and sexy but in this day and age how do you even get one without it being an accident

u know that thing where an animals grow in a far off place and some idiot introduces him to a new habitat and it turns out its characteristics that help them in their own sometimes are too helpful in the new one and they become like an invasive species yeah thats the word i was missing anyway back to my point i think i saw a human version of that just now i was driving in tonights snow storm and i saw a man wearing a big ass cowboy hat to keep the snow off him and a bandit red bandana to keep it off his face and a big ass pancho to keep him warm and nice ass cowboy boots to keep his calves dry and he was prancing along while everyone on the road looked miserable and frozen solid and idk i guess the point im trying to make here is i feel like cowboys would have taken over russia if given the chance or something

the tumblr bots are passing the turing test now

best thing i learned today: “The Loud American” role in Japanese businesses

dream job.

How much do they pay per hour for me to sit around and every so often storm into the bosses office and call his ideas stupid as fuck?

i think i don’t want it anymore