they should invent a kind of going outside that doesn’t cost money

[gripping the edge of the sink with trembling hands, eyes bloodshot] i do not need to be good at the things i love to do them

me after I’ve been awake for 34 hours: I could easily be a realtor. I’m fake. I love to walk around the house.

pretzel companies be like we filled this bag with pretzels so high we can barely seal the top shut and then we put another handful them bitches in there for good measure

chips bootlickers will be like ACKSHUALLY they NEED to be 2/3 empty else the chips would turn to MUSH or some shit

she just gets it 

how can him go inside but me not

This is illegally sweet.  

absolute unit

complete silence is more distracting than background noise and you can fight me on this

let me explain, if I don’t have background noise my brain will make it’s own background noise and Brain Background Noise is infinitely more distracting than Regular Background Noise

This is the opposite of that one video where a guy walks towards a group of cats wearing a cat mask only for all of them to run away from him.