Writer Grrrls: The Argonauts by Maggie Nelson
'Writer Grrrls' is a reoccurring series in which Sara Selevitch highlights the important works of women writers.
In the first paragraph of The Argonauts (Graywolf Press), Maggie Nelson writes, âThe words I love you come tumbling out of my mouth in an incantation the first time you fuck me in the ass.âÂ
By societal standards, the core narrative of The Argonauts could fall under the realm of normal. Nelson falls in love, marries, adapts to her new roles as wife and stepmother, and eventually births and raises a child of her own with the help of her partner.Â
The details, though, threaten the image of familial conformity. Nelson and her fluidly gendered partner, artist Harry Dodge, conceive their child with the help of a sperm donor. Dodge underwent Testosterone injections during the months Nelson was pregnant, and the two experienced simultaneously changing bodies. The couple rushed to get married at The Hollywood Chapel when it seemed as though Prop 8 would pass in California, before coming home to eat chocolate pudding with Dodgeâs son on their porch.Â
All of which leads Nelson to wonder:
Is there something inherently queer about pregnancy itself, insofar as it profoundly alters oneâs ânormalâ state, and occasions a radical intimacy withâand radical alienation fromâoneâs body? How can an experience so profoundly strange and wild and transformative also symbolize or enact the ultimate conformity?
The Argonauts serves as an extended rumination on such questions of normalcy, queerness, family, identity, and love. Nelsonâs writing is, as always, remarkably beautiful and sharp. She weaves memoir and criticism and draws upon the words and wisdom of âthe many-gendered mothers of [her] heartâ to craft fresh and poignant dialogue between many points of view. Such experts include philosophers like Judith Butler, Deleuze, and Lacan; writers like Ginsberg, Emerson, and Susan Sontag; academics like Eve Kosofsky Sedgwick and Lee Edelman; pediatrician Donald Winnicott; porn star and performance artist Annie Sprinkle. Each voice speaks to the myriad paths we must navigate in order to carve out a space of authenticity for ourselves, our own radical states of being.Â
Nelson writes:Â
A day or two after my love pronouncement, now feral with vulnerability, I sent you the passage from Roland Barthes by Roland Barthes in which Barthes describes how the subject who utters the phrase âI love youâ is like âthe Argonaut renewing his ship during its voyage without changing its name.â Just as the Argoâs parts may be replaced over time but the boat is still called the Argo, whenever the lover utters the phrase âI love you,â its meaning must be renewed by each use, as âthe very task of love and of language is to give to one and the same phrase inflections which will be forever new.âÂ
I thought the passage was romantic. You read it as a possible retraction. In retrospect, I guess it was both.
Nelsonâs concession here is telling of what seems a determined readiness on her part to explore and accept the grey areas wherever they appear, to reject binary thinking, to reexamine supposed mutual exclusivity. This tendency is reflected both in her writing and her life.Â
ââIâm not on my way anywhere,â Harry sometimes tells inquirers,â as a way to explain his gender fluidity. Not traveling from one fixed destination to the other, but occupying the space in between. âI feel I can give you everything without giving myself away, I whispered in your basement bed,â Nelson writes.Â
Though the middle ground is a source of great strength to Nelson in many ways, she worries it takes the form of weakness when it comes to her prose.Â
Afraid of assertion . . . My writing is riddled with such tics of uncertainty. I have no excuse or solution, save to allow myself the tremblings, then go back in later and slash them out . . . At times I grow tired of his approach, and all is gendered baggage. Over the years Iâve had to train myself to wipe the sorry off almost every work e-mail I write; otherwise, each might begin, Sorry for the delay, Sorry for the confusion . . . But I donât intend to denigrate the power of apology: I keep in my sorry when I really mean it. And certainly there are many speakers whom Iâd like to see do more trembling, more unknowing, more apologizing.Â
It is precisely Nelsonâs raw unknowing that makes her writing so compelling. She journeys with the reader, or we journey with her, as she assesses and reassess cultural practices of marriage and gender and child raising, against the backbeat of what she knows to be true: the power of the transitive, the importance of care, the freedom of love.
Sara Selevitch is a freelance writer based in Boston, MA.Â









