Yes, to an extent he fears telling his parents he is gay, but he also does not truly think that they would have a problem with it.

His biggest fears are based on how being gay and being with Ilya would impact his career and his ability to keep playing hockey.

This is not inherently a bad thing. Shane knows what his priorities are, and he bases his decisions around them; however, I believe that the reason he was able to maintain this “hockey first” mindset, is that he has never had something threaten him outside of hockey.

He has never had to worry about losing his parents or their support, he is skilled enough at hockey that he never really had to worry about planning for a career outside of it, his whole life, he has been perfectly free to worry solely about hockey and trust those around him to take care of the other aspects of his life.

always read the tags before reading! warning, very filthy

-> DIRECTORY: all my hollanov fic rec lists

What Lingers by feralpuckbunny | explicit | 16.9k words – His blackouts only ever happen in his condo. Shane doesn't even realize something is happening at first. He'll get home after practice or a game, exhausted, and the second the front door closes behind him something in his body loosens. A warmth spreads through him and his thoughts will go fuzzy at the edges. His inner omega will start purring low and smug in the back of his mind. Nest, it says.

chasing tail and leaving marks by beautifullyblue | explicit | 30k words – The mating run was an event Shane dreaded every year, and when he’s finally forced to participate he decides to simply find somewhere to ride it out, alone. What he doesn’t bank on however, is Ilya Rozanov. And this year the alpha is determined to finally claim what is his. After so long being the hunter, Shane is now the hunted - he just doesn’t quite know it yet.

Media Clearance by ThePromptWasntThisLong | explicit | 11k words – The NHL partners with an omega health organization for a safe-sex awareness campaign. Shane Hollander—the league's most prominent omega player—is asked to participate in a filmed segment where a certified alpha health educator demonstrates on an anatomical dummy how to properly prepare an omega outside of heat. Professional. Clinical. Except the educator cancels last minute, and the only alpha already on set who has media clearance is Ilya Rozanov.

cold, hard, growling by Antisceptic | explicit | 32.9k words (ongoing) –Shane is the first omega to ever join the NHL, and the only way he's allowed to play is by being thoroughly claimed by the team captain every single time before they step onto the ice. Things get complicated.

Maybe We Could Grow by billowyy | teen+ | 2k words – Hayden Pike finds Shane at the beginning of his heat and has to call Lily for help.

power play by Anonymous | mature | 26.9k words (wip, 5/9) – "You're sticking him with fucking Rozanov," Michelle had said. "To live with? He'll be quitting in three months." "He'll be pregnant in two," Greg said, and while Michelle had sounded irritated, Greg was laughing. "Shut up, Greg," Lian had said. "It's the best we can do. Keep one alpha on him, keeps the others off. He'll just have to put his head down and suck it up if he wants – shut the fuck up, Greg, I obviously didn't mean it like that."

Unravel Me, Unravel You by therogueskimo | explicit | 33k words – All Ilya Rozanov wants is to lead the Ottawa Centaurs to the coveted Stanley Cup and be the kind, respectful alpha he was never taught to be. Ilya refuses to let his curiosity towards Shane get in the way, which is hard to do when he’s staying in Ilya’s house. There’s also that strangely enticing scent that starts to follow him everywhere.

My songs are: The Hand- Anabelle Dinda The Woods- Lydia the Bard & Ben Tomalin Queen & Poet- John Michael Howell Fifty-One Fifty- Musithical Hunter- Paris Paloma

Counting Sheep by The Crane Wives

Wildfire (Gone, Gone, Gone) by Rabbitology

Hand On The Bible by Grace Power

Pure as a Lamb by Baby Bugs

Vulture Culture by Fangclub

@zaylinadventures @valleyshrike @lavenderhazeleyes @lavandergemini if you want to join!

Curses by The Crane Wives

Language of the Lost by RIProducer

Butcher Vanity by Flavor Foley

Laplace’s Angel by Will Wood

Out Of The Rain by TheFatRat & Shiah Maisel

I think this a good cross-section of my music taste! I like some of RIProducer’s other songs a lot but they tend to be uhhh very dark and maybe not suitable for a shared playlist. 

@that-truant-heart if you’re interested!

Sweet Tooth by Scott Helman

Sweet Tooth by Cavetown

Sweet Tooth by Destroy Boys

Sour Times by Portishead

Bitter Medicine by The Crane Wives

Plástico by Willie Colón and Ruben Blades

Deciciones by Ruben Blades

The Wolf from SIAMÉS

Gekkou Survive 激昂サバイブ from fictional band Franchouchou (Composer KOMU and lyricist ma-saya)

and for a full wildcard NEATH! by The Stupendium

- I, Carrion (Icarian) by Hozier

- BOGOTÁ by ISA O

- Mariel y el Capitán by Sui Generis

- Fable by Gigi Perez

But I’ll go with:

Crumbling - Brodie Barclay

No Complaints - Noah Kahan

Outgrown - Dermot Kennedy

Somewhere in the Silence - ryman leon, Sam Vendig

Fine - Kyle Hume

Empty Room - Jamie Miller

Five Stars - Faceless Strangers

Options - Cameron Whitcomb

Mistake - NF

Only Time Will Tell - Shaya Zamora

Bulletproof by Jamie Fine

Wondering Why by The Red Clay Strays

Dopamine by Zach Hood

Fear of Water by Noah Kahan

I Tried by Daniel Seavey

Guns by Cap Carter

Tired of Healing by Noah Henderson

I’ll Be Damned by gavin!

My Mess by Myles Smith

The New Me by Thomas Day

Kevin is Andrew's biggest fan. He has secret merch of him hidden in a box under his bed. The rest of the Foxes know about it and won't stop making fun of him for it. Kevin once asked Jeremy for Andrew's number, but Jeremy played the "players' privacy" card.

Everyone assumes Andrew hates Nathaniel, but actually, he finds him kind of funny. The way he's so rude and smart-mouthed, how cruel he seems for someone so short, and most of all, how angry he gets whenever he can't score against him. There's always defiance in Nathaniel's eyes whenever they meet, and maybe a glint of something more.

Nathaniel is a mess of conflicting emotions every time he sees Kevin on the court. He tries his best to look angry, resentful, to make Kevin feel guilty for abandoning Jean, for abandoning him. But in reality, he is overwhelmingly sorrowful. He painfully misses Kevin, but that's something he won't even admit to himself.

Kevin is full of grief. Every day, he wishes Nathaniel would play with him again. He tells himself it's all for the sake of the game. However, deep down, he knows he just wants Nathaniel by his side. He spends his days daydreaming about Nathaniel as a Fox, being a normal kid, tagging along to all the silly hangouts the Foxes have in their free time. He dreams about them being normal friends for once, and sometimes, even more than that.

Nathaniel knows everything about Andrew. It wasn't difficult to get all the information he needed, not when Kevin seemed so fond of him. Nathaniel needed to know why. After reading Andrew's file, he can't get him out of his mind. How can someone who has suffered that much end up somewhere so golden? Is it really possible to change that much? Would it be possible for him to escape the Nest and shine like that?

Look at his face! His eyes. He is trying so so so hard to be so chill. So nonchalant. "Don't look down. Turn the volume down. Don't look at him yet. He might disappear. Be cool. Don't spook him." And oh my god he is not chill in the slightest. He is so touched that Shane seems to care. He asked about the girls thing and it didn't go well so he's taking this as a sign that maybe Shane does care. It goes downhill in like 5 minutes but you know.

And then:

He settles in a bit and he looks almost almost relaxed. But he still can't look! And the barely-there jaw flex, shoving down the emotions. Looking makes it too real. Even though it's already very real for Ilya.

Like with Ilya Shane is Mr. "I don't know, maybe twice" and "Are you okay? I saw you up here" and "I don't know that side of you at all" and "I keep a lot of things private" and "Team meeting in the morning I forgot" and "Nice shirt, you're pulling it off" and "You feel it too, right?" because when Ilya looks at Shane, Shane feels like Ilya is seeing his internal organs, like everything is laid out for the taking and in some ways Shane is like just take it Rozanov just grab it stop looking at me and seeing through me and fucking fuck me instead but Ilya keeps looking and looking, crucially only looking away when Shane finally says NO YOU FUCKER I see you too, I see the way you turn things around and distract and deny because I literally barely tell myself the truth, let alone the world.