Four all to see, Four someone to have and hold.

Starting another chapter of my life. This time with a different person but looking at the same dream- a future full of happiness and peace.

I came from my sister's place and I have decided to pay visit to the Basilica and pray. I entered in by the side door, though I saw the notice that it is only for exit. I kneeled down and start to feel the ambiance. Not having started anything at all, a man entered in the sanctuary and turned the lights on which instruct me big time. Bigla ko lang naramdaman Yung pakiramdam Ng namumuhay sa simbahan. The peace. The routine itself I used to do. It got me thinking where everything led me. Yung sa Dami Dami Kong karanasan, nasan na ako. Sobrang laki na Ng ipinagbago ko. Although alam ko sa sarili ko na mas mahal ko Ang maglingkod. I could give everything for free. I have nothing after all. But God, thank You for bringing me where I am and making me who I am today. I'm giving You back every single thing. Bless me. Drive me. I tend to choose lonesome And loneliness. I have a lot of wrong decisions.

Tatay Kiko,

As expected, I loved watching Start-Up even it is already the second time. And just like the first time I watched it, this episode really hit me hard. It is so heavy. I can see myself to every character, relate and just hope things are as easy as hoping that I can control things and maybe make things better.

Episode 1 is literally the start-up. For this episode, as the characters and the settings were introduced, I would be laying down my realizations in the eyes of the characters.

I am actually not sure if what I am writing is a realization. Maybe it could be called feedback, review or even personal opinions and reactions. Anyway, whatever it is called. hehe

Seo Dal-Mi - The girl who caught my eyes. She first appeared to me as the character who is trying so hard to make it in life and reach her dreams whatever it takes. I would not forget how she fixed her shoes just to appear better and blend with the society and eventually make her way to get what she wants from that place. For this episode, Seo Dal-Mi made me realize that for some time, it is okay to be impulsive and choose my self, not because I am selfish but because it is how I feel in the moment and that I cannot make it to sleep well if I have than otherwise. I also loved when she portrayed someone who regrets. It showed me just absorb everything, accept and then react accordingly. I just hoped, like Seo Dal-Mi, life could have been a little more kind. But it is exactly the reality where we all are.

Seo Dal-Mi (kid) - As a kid, Seo Dal-Mi was a perfect example of myself wanting everything to just be peaceful and well for everyone else. She was not perfectionist but she knows what is the better option is and that she looks forward to just be happy and naïve. As the episode progressed, there was a time when I just wished that since we cannot control everything that happens, I hoped that, like Seo Dal-Mi, I have a lot of people who surrounds me who are going to continue sticking with me and even make effort to comfort me.

Han Ji-Pyeong (kid) - an orphan who was forced to leave and live alone for being a grown up. Another reality that some people are into. At minsan talaga sa ating mga buhay, merong mga pangyayari na kailangang mangyari dahil sa panahon at pagkakataon. We cannot control everything ika nga. And that is where Han Ji-Pyeong was as a kid. He had limited choices, even had one choice when it was raining - just continue finding a way because he cannot stop rain anyway- he had that only choice. It's unfair. My life would tell me that I am fortunate to have what he does not. But also, I wish kasing gwapo nya ako. hahaha and he is also a smart guy. I can see myself how he starved himself because he doesnt want to spend his money. That is me. And then it really stroke me when he was trying to blame the best person he got for the misfortune he is in. I tend to be such when I was starting. For this episode, like Han Ji-Pyeong, I just hope I can face the world, kahit umiiyak, kahit iiwanan ko ang mga taong mahal ko, ang lahat lahat basically, para sa pangarap ko. I hope I have the courage to ride my bus going away from everything but towards the future I want for myself.

Han Ji-Pyeong - as an adult, sana kamukha nya ako, hahaha. I am so happy he was able to make it in life and I hope I could too. he remained cool and that is exactly how I wanted it for myself. So far, everything is well pa for Han Ji-Pyeong. Yun pala, I liked it when he went back to Ms. Choi. I hope I can go back to the people I once met.

Shoot. Ang haba na neto. Maybe, I can stop from here pero really ang dami ko pang gustong ishare.

It is my second time to watch this series. I decided to re-watch the whole thing because it really fired up my confidence and drive when I first watch it. Although, I cannot really put everything in details now, I can absolutely say that the series put me back to my track and had me go back and even step forward from where I was. Maybe, one impact I can say after watching the series is that I always play the theme song whenever I am into a project and I am feeling down and tired. It just boost me up. It feels like a fuel to my soul. A strong reminder that I can succeed by continue what I am doing and never give up. Now, I am proud that I have stepped a big one forward. I was promoted as a Team Lead within my company. I am challenged. I am not down at all but I want to fire myself up again and so I remind myself of what I can do beyond I am ask now.

Since I was promoted as a team lead, I was asked to join the new set of trainees for nesting. I was told that the only goal was to know about the campaign and a little about knowing about the teammates since they will be the same persons whom I will be leading once we get to the bootcamp.

Today is the first day of the bootcamp. I never expected anything that happened. It made me think if I really wanted the position. Worst was that, I had no one who monitored me. All my movements came from how the situation called and I don't even know how things should actually work. I was not understanding anything.

Para sa mga tanong naniniwala sakin. Yung mga tumitingala sa mga kakayahan ko. Sa lahat ng tao na masayang nakikita ako at nabibigyan ko ng ispirasyon at pag asa na magtagumpay sa buhay. Sorry, I have given up.

I have always speak about SUCCESS as making it to smile before retiring to bed at night. I believe that the secret to a successful future is to own our every decisions, given that we are fully convinced on what is best for ourselves.  There is no room for regrets in my philosophy. I have always owned my time as it is mine to enjoy or waste.  The same is true when it comes to decision making, whether is it decided in haste or with full consent and willingness, it should be owned as wherever it leads us, we have a lesson to get and a weapon to bring once we face the future.  

We will agree that future is nothing but the result of what we do in the present.  Taking the past out of the context as it has past already, we all just have the present moment- a series of present moments. The idea of the present is even hard to explain as we say finish saying “present”, it has already past and we are already in the “future” which is better termed as present.

So cliché that it might be. It’s just really okay not to be okay.

I have been living for 26 years now and I can only attest that there had been so much I have been through. Maybe not as much as of everyone here but the point is that there is a reality that we are in which is the same for all of us called CHANGE. We all know change is constant, I don’t belong on the first one million writers who quoted that. That only proves that it is a fact and that we cannot deny any single part of it. Change is indeed inevitable. We have to be aware of it. We have to believe it. Let us not expect people will be the same as how we met them. It’s not really not people come and go but more likely because they are changing, their mindset changes, their options are changing. A lot of people chooses to upgrade their preferences even, intentionally. It is either you cope up to them so they won’t leave your side or you have to make your brand on your own.

LIFE IS A MASTERY. You can either struggle till the end or have things your way. I have been asking myself why I often am challenged and having a hard time deciding. From the time I want to get of f of my bed to what I want to do for the day. There are even days, I don’t why I don’t to get up and live my boring life. Imagine I am at my late 20’s and yet I don’t have as much passion and excitement most of my contemporary’s have. There are successful ones, I am not. But guess what, its all in the mind. We just have to recalibrate. Let us remind ourselves that we can only so much of a person depending on how they would like us to know about them. Most of the time, I would just post the goods during the day. I never wanted to expose my negativities but I have so much in my mind. I ever wanted to go out there saying all my problems out of my being an over thinker person.

Since my last post here, ngayon lang ulit ako nag access nito Tumblr ko...

To cut the long story short, since I just got back, I just wanna give everyone seeing my account, that everything has already change. 

I am doing so well now and I couldn’t ask for more. I do not have everything, but I am just contented with I was given at this time. I never lose my insecurities with my brothers from the seminary, but i guess I can say I am just fine with where i am right now.