Clarity, Carat, Colour, Cut

The past few days have been challenging and difficult. I question myself on what else I need to do in order to deserve something good, something that truly realize my value. The past few days, although I literally wasn't, it definitely felt like somebody was forcing me to chug on strong shots of espresso. It's as if somebody was forcing me to finally wake up.

Constantly bombarded with the mentality of "It's not about what you know, it's about who you know" in university, I was not prepared for a whole new other, equally disturbing mentality -- "It's not about what you know, it's about how long you've been doing it". And yes, experience matters in whichever field, but if your experience is not as "juicy", then how is that more valuable as someone who just started, and less experienced. If you had been working for a longer time, your capability to perform does not give you free pass for every opportunity there is in the world. Yet, reality is, they usually get the free pass.

A bit more than a month ago, my fiance and I started our pre-Cana course with Holy Family Parish in Toronto, ON. In simpler terms, marriage preparation was what it is. It was to become a series of 7 sessions tackling the Sacrament of Marriage and how it was instituted by Christ.

(Because we are Catholics to answer your question on why)

Our spiritual director has suggested for us to go to Holy Family Parish for this course since well, not all parish offer them and those that do are not even close to what we are going to get out of the pre-Cana offered by Holy Family. And indeed our spiritual director was right, like always.

From a session regarding what readings to choose for our ceremony, to why oral sex is not right, to abortion and contraception (condom inclusive) being condemned by the Church, the sanctity, indissolubility and exclusivity of marriage between man and woman, and to speaking with Catholic couples who have been married for 56 years.

Tonight we met Douglas and Isabel who have been married for 56 years. They speak softly and very old-ish. It's a bit difficulty to focus and listen to the wisdom they were about to impart to us, the newbies. But, I believe I got the message they were trying to relay.

Douglas said, when everything and anything becomes difficult, just PRAY. Ensure that in anything and everything you do, you PRAY. If you think of anything, just PRAY. He also emphasized that in marriage, one plus one equals three. Third part of the equation is Jesus. Think, that in that marriage, you are not just holding each others' hand but you are also holding Jesus' hand. When applied, thinking that Jesus is always with you and your spouse and that prayer is part of your everyday life, won't everything turn out to be so much easier than they appear?

Something’s better

On the other side

Look at the stars

Look how they shine for you

And everything you do

I got a hole in me now

I got a scar I can talk about

Cause I am lost without you

I cannot live at all

My whole world

Surrounds around you

Whatever tomorrow brings

I’ll be there

And in this moment I AM HAPPY

I'm a frustrated travel-enthusiast. I want to see the world but at times, I totally feel tied down (if not literally). Due to restrictions, for lack of better words, I cannot travel as much even if I hold a Canadian Visa (which basically says, "we're friends with the whole world). So I stay local. But even locally, due to Canada's vast lands, I have only seen one city outside Ontario -- Montreal, Quebec.

I love that city. It is the city that ended my obsession with Niagara Falls. It's the city that made me fall in love with anything European. I'll take any chance I can to be here once again, at any given time.

Before it became too obvious that award giving bodies, like Oscars--I mean, especially Oscars, were driven by politics, money and racism, there was a time when legitimate, music making artists were awarded for their talents and performance level. Regardless if they were main stream, and especially regardless if they were main stream. Take John Mayer for example. He emerged from the time when main stream music was just cleansing itself from boy band domination. He was a singular artist with the voice, the lyrics and the guitar making a name for himself and winning some Grammy awards here and there. I'm not sure when he became not as popular, maybe when other awesome bands came along like Lady Gaga and her minions, or if it was when he linked himself with bigger celebrities than himself like Jennifer Aniston. But what I know is he was one the great ones of the 21st century. His music was unique, and his skill set was complete.

Take his song, clarity. The lyric goes:

"Clarity"

I worry, I weigh three times my body I worry, I throw my fear around But this morning, there's a calm I can't explain The rock candy's melted, only diamonds now remain Ooh ooh ooh ooh By the time I recognize this moment This moment will be gone But I will bend the light, pretend that it somehow lingered on Well all I got's Ooh ooh ooh ooh And I will wait to find If this will last forever And I will wait to find If this will last forever And I will pay no mind When it won't and it won't because it can't It just can't It's not supposed to Was there a second of time that I looked around? Did I sail through or drop my anchor down Was anything enough to kiss the ground? And say I'm here now and she's here now Ooh ooh ooh ooh Ooh ooh ooh ooh So much wasted in the afternoon So much sacred in the month of June How bout you And I will wait to find If this will last forever And I will wait to find That it won't and it won't Because it won't And I will waste no time Worried 'bout no rainy weather And I will waste no time Remaining in our lives together