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I've been comfortably identifying(?)/labelling myself as an avoidant attachment for a while now, alongside my suspected NPD.

Recently my partner and I have attempted to open up our relationship with two others. It brought up some complications with myself, and one of the others is now out of the picture. We've agreed to not pursue that for the time being, with the third.

I've now found that I seem to align more with anxious attachment, and I'm constantly paranoid and anxious about our relationship to the point that I'm wondering if it could be relationship OCD...? My constant worrying and asking for reassurance is ruining not only my mental health, but I worry it's also damaging our relationship.

Any reputable resources you could point me to would be greatly appreciated. I hope you have a nice day ❤️

Hello! I'm sorry for the long wait, I was trying to do research before answering, but depression was kicking my ass.

Here are some articles I found:

How OCD affects relationships: Challenges and strategies (not just about relationship ocd but ocd and relationships in general, has advice for those who has a partner with ocd)

Why am I constantly seeking reassurance in my relationship?

(ROCD) Relationship OCD: A Complete Guide

Is It ROCD or Just the Wrong Relationship?

3 Steps for Coping With Relationship OCD

Queer Themes in OCD (touches a bit on rocd and also polyamory)

The World Health Organization list anxiety disorders, including OCD, as the sixth largest contributor to non-fatal health loss globally. (source)

Rumination is probably the most common type of OCD compulsion, but I rarely see anyone talking about it. I've talked to multiple people diagnosed with OCD who didn't even recognize it as a compulsion.

Basically, if you have OCD you have terrible intrusive thoughts. They can be about anything, but common themes are fear of being a bad person, fear of hurting someone, fear of contamination. etc.

Rumination is when you get stuck in a spiral. Rumination is when you spend hours catastrophizing, overthinking, analyzing, telling yourself it's going to be okay.

I'll say it again:

Rumination is a compulsion.

Rumination is a compulsion, and that means you have to stop doing it.

I did ERP (exposure response prevention) for my OCD with a therapist! For 9 months! And it did help, but the idea didn't really click until I found this website a couple years later.

And Oh My God. It made things make so much more sense, and I was able to pull myself out of an episode even though I wasn't in therapy or on meds at the time.

Genuinely if you have OCD, or even if you suspect you have OCD, I'm begging you to read some of these articles.

Like this was genuinely life changing for me.

Here are some of the ones that were most helpful to me:

Defining Rumination

How to Stop Ruminating

ERP Exercises for Compulsive Rumination

An elephant and a dwarf mouse shared a page with a headless figure in a dress in a scrapbook by children of the Shinn family of Fremont, California. 19th century.

"Black cat before the attack." Martin Munkácsi. Arts et métiers graphiques. January 1, 1931.