prepare to be disappointed

i feel like im constantly taking damage

-1hp -1hp -1hp -1hp

basketball players fight over the basketball because they are hypnotized before each game to believe it is their egg

“don’t take it personally” how would you like me to take it then? professionally? romantically? academically?

being a jack of all trades is dope as fuck honestly. it's like I'm doing crop rotation inside my own brain

i hate the word spicy can we bring back calling things erotic

rolling up to Wendy's to get an erotic chicken sandwich

saying "question mark?" and "however comma," out loud are game changers. punctuation on the go. and it's always the funniest thing that anyone around you has ever heard

this sucks im going to kill (remembers suicide jokes are bad for my mental health) the president of the United States. (end statement)

May we all pray for painless obliteration on this Piccolo Day

I’m genuinely so boring to talk to. all my news is like “huuuuge amount of isopods on the apple slice today”

this was like seeing a wild tiger for me. even though I bought them and put them in there. still riding the high

big fan of the four-year-old on this flight who yelled "THEY ARE BRINGING COMPLEMENTARY BEVERAGES" when the flight attendants came down with the drinks cart

I'm so mad I think I'm going to help increase the trout population