sugar & spice

   As they entered his bedroom, he hadn’t much paid attention to Alice’s movements. He was, in fact, doing everything that he could to focus on something other than her. She had, truth be told, occupied his every thought since he had made that stupid decision however many months ago to leave.  It had been easy enough to keep his thoughts of her at bay when she wasn’t in his sights. But, with her being in the very room, it was proving to be a FAR more difficult task. Something that would only prove to be even more difficult as he felt her presence close to him mere seconds after entering the room.

  As she leaned against his chest, he felt his posture go rigid for a mere moment. It wasn’t that he didn’t want her near. Of course, he had dreamed of having her close like this since he had left her behind. But, he was worried about what the consequences might be to having her so close. Even now, he hoped that his heart wasn’t beating as erratically in his chest as he thought. The last thing that he needed for her to do was to hear the sound of it as she rested her head on his chest. But, despite his fears, Sirius still chose to wrap his arms around her and surround her in the comforting embrace that she silently requested.

  After allowing for a few moments to hold Alice close, he released her from his grasp and took a small step back. He gave a nod in response to her answer to his question and went over to grab a shirt for her to sleep in. Sirius grabbed the first shirt that he spotted the drawer before turning back towards Alice who had been working on the crib. It was then that he seemed to finally notice what she was wearing. The man didn’t have too much experience with corsets.. but it seemed like the type of contraption that one would need some help to get out of. Awkwardly, he rubbed the side of his temple as he contemplated exactly how to bring up this fact without sounding like a PIG.

  Finally, he was able to move the few short steps to where she sat on the bed and handed her the shirt that he held in his hands.  ❝ Uh… here, I found this for you. It should suit well enough, ❞ He spoke. Then, he gave a gesture in the general direction of the outfit that she was wearing.  ❝ Do you need… uh do you need help with all that?  ❞ He questioned.

━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ┋  𝒜𝓁𝒾𝒸ℯ ℱℴ𝓇𝓉ℯ𝓈𝒸𝓊ℯ.

❝  thanks.  ❞ reaching for the shirt, alice was very careful to not make contact with his hand, fearing for the unraveling of her self control now that they found themselves in the confines of his bedroom. though these quarters had not seen the depths of their passion, the four walls enclosing them certainly reminded her of the countless evenings they’d spent entangled in silk sheets. it wasn’t a difficult leap to take and quite frankly, she was desperate to take it. afterall, her most recent experiences held no flame against the passionate encounters with sirius, which only made her body and soul far more tempted to take the plunge and tempt fate.  ❝  um, yes please? if you don’t mind, i just can’t reach.  ❞

that reasoning was innocent enough was it not? there was no way anyone would assume she was asking for anything more than basic assistance and quite frankly if anyone was to blame, it would be her current beau’s mother since she’d been so adamant in instructing her house elves to tighten the blasted wrapping more and more to “try and make a figure worth noting”. how ironic that such an offensive gesture now led to this circumstance, awarding her true love the chance of exploring her flesh once more. the demure girl turned away from him and carefully gathered her hair to the side so he would have clear access to the tightly knotted backside of her corset, making sure to secure the front of the bodice to ensure they wouldn’t have more temptation. it was pointless to conceal her body, clearly he knew every crevice better than most, but even the fleeting idea of his chocolate brown orbs drinking in the view could send chills down her spine. NO, best be careful. 

❝   i don’t even know why the hell i agreed to this in the first place. i should have been with mary... at least the outfit would have been far less difficult to slip out of.  ❞

  For whatever reason, Sirius Black couldn’t get over the scars that plagued him from his past. The damages that his family had rained down on him proved to be quite deep. As much as he said otherwise, he was still in some ways that little boy that craved the normalcy of affection from his family. That desired to have the type of familial relationship with his parents and brother like he’d seen with those in normal households. Some part of him putting the blame on himself for somehow being the reason that his family didn’t show such affections. The real reason, however, didn’t have much to do with him at all as it did the destruction that seemed to run in the Black family for centuries. These people… quite simply… had never learned true affection for others that normal people held. In some ways, Sirius was still learning about that himself. The one thing that he did know, however, was when to admit a battle lost.. and he knew that Alice would argue her point with him until she very well turned blue. It was best to let this point of conversation drop.

    Her words brought an odd sort of tug at the depths of his heart. There that hope was again as she said that she wouldn’t get through tonight anywhere else. Did that mean that she shared his feelings still? Sirius quickly put out that small glimmer of hope before it could go much farther. No, the fact was that she was just experiencing the same thing that he was in that moment. They were just sharing a horrible, traumatic moment and nothing more. Experiences such as these tended to bring people together and blur the lines on things… that was ALL that this was. He shook his head vehemently when she suggested sleeping on the couch. She was correct that it would probably serve as a more comfortable spot for her to sleep than he. But, it still would be rather uncomfortable for her to sleep on the couch rather than a bed.

   ❝ I can’t ask you to sleep on the couch either, Alice. You are a guest for one thing. Plus, it would be just as uncomfortable for you as it would for me, ❞ He said, speaking his thoughts out loud. Sirius marinated on what they were to do about their sleeping arrangements for a brief moment. But, soon, her words caught his attention to snap him out of his thoughts. She DID have a point. There should be no reason that they couldn’t share a bed with each other for the night without jumping each others bones. They had a history together… sure, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t control themselves. He gave a small nod at her words,   ❝ Uh…. you’re right. There’s no reason why we can’t be in the same bed together. We’re both adults here. We can control ourselves. ❞ Honestly, he wasn’t sure who he was trying to convince with his words. 

  Rather awkwardly, he hopped to his feet then to start to head towards his bedroom. As he swung the door open, he called back to Alice who he had assumed had followed him into the other room. ❝ Would you like something else to wear to sleep in? You might be more comfortable. ❞ His eyes traveled back to the costume that she had arrived in that surely wouldn’t be much comfortable to sleep in at all. He nodded towards a corner of his room, ❝ Guess we could conjure up a crib for Harry there. I honestly don’t know why I didn’t think of that. ❞ Granted, his mind hadn’t exactly been focused since the incident with the Potters occurred just earlier. Although, there was admittedly part of him that had kept Harry close to him just for the comfort of knowing that he was still there. 

━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ┋  𝒜𝓁𝒾𝒸ℯ ℱℴ𝓇𝓉ℯ𝓈𝒸𝓊ℯ.

❝ and there’s a baby... here. so. right. ❞ she mused along, nodding as she too tried to convince herself that there was no reason why either of them should suffer through the discomfort of spending the night uncomfortably tossing and turning on the disheveled couch. to be fair, she would have gladly taken the couch given any other circumstances, in fact there had been many an occasion when she’d done just that after a night out with friends where there were little other options. it came with the territory, since she was one of, if not the shortest, of her friends. but when the alternative was offered, there was no way she could pass it up. even though there was no need for anything inappropriate, it didn’t mean she wasn’t mildly excited about the idea of sleeping close to him once again. 

alice slowly got up, her mind still pondering over their sleeping conditions while outwardly conveying nothing short of nonchalance as she cooed to the baby in her arms in hopes that he would not awaken as she moved to the bedroom. once upon a time, this very scene had been in her dreams, sirius diligently bustling about getting their bedroom sorted as the young woman cradled a child she had imagined would be product of their love. it was almost cruel, how the once innocent and love fueled dream had materialized into this heartachingly reality. how it was not their child she cared for but her best friends orphan. before she could even respond to his inquiries, the petite girl walked up closer to him, utterly desperate for some semblance of strength to fill her up once again and fight away the tears that pooled in her eyes once more.

harry didn’t wrestle in her arms, the young child merely slept calmly unaware of the anguish that surrounded him, granting the pair a couple of moments to settle in their own grief. it came in waves and that much was apparent, the force of the emotions rocking through the young womans chest as she leaned against sirius’ chest for just a few moments. the action was unwarranted, something she was sure he certainly didn’t expect but it was beyond her to fight the impulse when her heart and resolve was already so frail. her shaky breaths were enough evidence to show how much she truly needed the moment to gather herself and bask in the comfort of his warmth for a few fleeting seconds. 

not long after, she took a deep breath, her senses assaulted by his cologne and revitalized by the familiarity of his presence.  ❝s-sorry i just.... any shirt you can spare would be fine. i can barely breathe with this damned corset.  ❞ she managed to utter softly, the frail humor in her last falling flat. it wasn’t surprising that he hadn’t thought to conjure up a crib, any rational thought had likely been dismissed from his head by the sheer pain of the news, so rather than linger on that fact, alice walked to the edge of his bed and pulled her wand out from her boot carefully, concentrating on procuring a decent enough bed for the child while she assumed sirius rustled around for a spare shirt.  

𝕗𝕖𝕒𝕥. 𝕤𝕚𝕣𝕚𝕦𝕤 𝕓𝕝𝕒𝕔𝕜

     I’ve long since made it my mission to see that you don’t consistently tear yourself down unnecessarily. Well, there was certainly a TRUTH to that. Alice had always been someone–no, she had always been the one–that chose to see only the good in him. Her kindness and unrelenting belief in him had always been the thing that oddly drove them apart. Perhaps, this was just because of the mere fact that Sirius never thought himself deserving of such DEVOTION. He didn’t understand it. He didn’t understand how he could keep hurting her so–and yet she simply refused to see anything terrible within him. It was this thought that caused the small comment to drift from his lips despite knowing she would argue.  ❝ I wouldn’t say that all of it is unnecessarily.. I can’t say that I have been perfect in everything that I’ve done. ❞

   Much to his surprise, Alice began to drift closer to where he had leaned back onto the soft surface of the couch. Of course, it had been what he wanted. But, still, he was genuinely surprised by the motion as he didn’t think she’d move much closer given… well, everything… that would be wrong with such a simple move. It still felt RIGHT to feel the warmth of her nearer to him. He gave a small nod of his head in response to her question. It was probably something that he should’ve given more thought about. It wouldn’t be the best idea for Alice to stay… but he wanted her to stay. No, he NEEDED her to stay. So, he ignored the small voice in his head that tried to make him sensible about such a decision.

     ❝ You can stay. I would—- I would actually really like for you to stay, ❞ He breathed,  ❝ Um… I don’t have any of Harry’s things here yet… so I was just sleeping with him in my bed. You could sleep there.   ❞ The odd flush appeared on his cheeks at these words as he realized how they might be taken. ❝ I mean that… you could sleep there with just Harry. I can sleep here on the couch. ❞ Of course, he didn’t exactly want to sleep on the couch. It wouldn’t be much comfortable for him considering that he was well over six feet tall. But, with how exhausted he felt, he doubted that he would notice too much discomfort.

━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ┋  𝒜𝓁𝒾𝒸ℯ ℱℴ𝓇𝓉ℯ𝓈𝒸𝓊ℯ.

a soft frown settled upon her lips as she peered up at sirius once more, her disapproval fueled by the words that fell from his lips. it wasn’t something she hadn’t heard before, the handsome raven-haired man was prone to self deprocating behaviour and though he often masked his abbrasions with humor, it wasn’t lost on the girl how deeply his insecurities and perceived flaws ran. he was the first to slander his reputation and proudly own the darkest corners of his soul and it was that very facet of his personality that enraged her the most.   ❝ and yet you haven’t learned that the only person demanding perfection from you is none other than the one that stands before you in a mirror. but i suppose today is hardly the day for that conversation, now is it.  ❞

she should have expected the onslaught of emotions that came with his admission, how the hope that once sprung eternal would now rage through her and awaken desires she’d long since discarded. to be near him was painful sure but after months of depriving herself from that very pleasure, the blonde welcomed the bittersweet burn that flooded her chest. her eyes undoubtedly reflected as much, bright hazel hues sparkling as she nodded and searched his eyes for the same emotion that currently bubbled in the pit of her stomach. could it be that he possibly felt the same? impossible. after all, he had ended things in the first place.  ❝ good. i don’t think i could really get through tonight if i went anywhere else.  ❞

alice cleared her throat, quickly casting her gaze downwards as she struggled to conceal the bright pink flush of color that erupted on her cheeks. she’d been brave when inviting herself to stay overnight but she wasn’t sure how much she could push her bravery, even though the mere idea of sleeping in a bed with him again was enough to have her swooning.  ❝ you can hardly sleep here, you barely fit on this as is! besides, i’d feel terrible if i knew i threw you out of bed when i know you need a good sleep. i’m much smaller, i’ll sleep here. or maybe i’ll just transfigure a small crib for harry? while his things get here of course. regardless, we’re both adults, there’s no reason why we wouldn’t be perfectly capable of sharing a mattress without it raising concerns.  ❞

   Sirius let his gaze linger on the blonde as she held his godson in her arms, cradling him closely to her chest as she spoke to him in gentle tones. It was an image that stirred hopes that had long been buried in the man’s head. Because as much as he tried to deny them, they had been there. There was always a part of him that pictured THIS in some way. That he would, one day, have a future with Alice that would involve those parts of domestic-living that he so vehemently claimed to despise. Marriage, children, a home…. a FAMILY that he could actually call his own. But, just as those thoughts threatened to creep up in his mind, he stubbornly forced them down refusing to entertain something that he knew was now an impossibility. It was too late, however, for him to get rid of the faint, warm smile that pulled at his lips as he watched her with Harry.

  He shifted as she drew near to the couch to make room for her to join him there—and tried to dash out the disappointment that he felt as she simply perched on the edge of the couch. It’d been a naïve hope, but he had still hoped that she would’ve sat down closer to him. But, then, why should she? It would probably be a tad inappropriate for her to curl up close to him like she used to considering that she had a boyfriend now.  No matter how much of a prick that that boyfriend appeared to be. He forced himself to push these thoughts aside, however, as she spoke to him once again so that he could focus on what she was saying.

  Of course, Alice would know the RIGHT thing to say. She always knew the right thing to say. But, still, there was a little bit of pain mixed in with hearing her words. Because as nice as they were, he knew that they couldn’t grant him everything that he secretly wished for. He knew that they couldn’t give him the relationship with Alice that he had lost. One that he felt himself in desperate NEED of now that he had lost everything that had meant something to him in the only family he had left. Still, he offered her a small smile of appreciation as he spoke up with,  ❝ Thanks, Alice… you—that means a lot to hear you say.  ❞ He let his eyes glance down then at the face of his godson in her arms… who now appeared to be very much asleep.  ❝ Looks like he just needed a woman’s touch to drift off to sleep.. ❞ He remarked, then a pause as a wicked smirk appeared on his lips, ❝ It seems that he might be a tad like his godfather, after all. ❞

━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ┋  𝒜𝓁𝒾𝒸ℯ ℱℴ𝓇𝓉ℯ𝓈𝒸𝓊ℯ.

though her gaze was momentarily enraptured by the small baby nestled into her arms, it quickly shifted to meet her ex-boyfriends strikingly dark hues as he thanked her and proceeded to make a joke that served as a slight indication that his spirits were mildly lifted. the blonde tried not to linger on the meaning behind his words, her mind quickly running with the images of a fleet of women coming and going through the very apartment she now sat in, their caress coaxing the love of HER life into slumber. it was enough to make her heart ache more than it already was, though she managed to poorly conceal as much with a weak smile.  ❝ of course  . you have a habit of thinking the worst of yourself, i’ve long since made it my mission to see that you don’t consistently tear yourself down unnecessarily.  ❞ she muttered, disregarding his last remark entirely, when really she was desperate to point out that her very touch was most likely more soothing than that of any other witch he knew of... she was fearful that he would disagree openly. 

❝ i’m just glad he’s settled, for now. both of you deserve rest, it’s been far too much for any of us to handle.  ❞ the gravity of their situation wasn’t lost on the petite woman as she once again moved from her spot, gravitating closer to sirius’ warmth now that he sat so close. whether it be the danger that loomed over them following the attack on their closest friends, the fear that gripped at her heart over what future they were to face or the simple knowledge that she was to face hell once thaddeus knew where she was to spend her night; whatever it was, alice longed for the comfort that the man beside her always provided.  ❝ may i stay? tonight at least. i can’t... i don’t want to be alone. i can sleep out here... or wherever it’s best for the baby. maybe with us together, we can muster at least a few hours sleep so we’ll be human enough to face the morning.  ❞

ft.           𝐉𝐎𝐍𝐄𝐒   ,   𝐇𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐀 .

❛    ‘m  almost  out’ve  bears  -  but  how  do  you  feel  about  worms  ?    ❜   she  smiled  and  stood  to  grab  a  second  bowl  .    ❛    those  I've  got  a  surplus  of  -  vodka  too  .    ❜ 

━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ┋  𝒜𝓁𝒾𝒸ℯ ℱℴ𝓇𝓉ℯ𝓈𝒸𝓊ℯ.

❝  sounds horrific. i’ll take TWO­.  ❞  alice nodded, crossing her arms as she watched her friend get up to make the monstrosity.  ❝ you’re so well prepared for my breakdowns hestia, i’m quite impressed. vodka has become a necessity.  ❞

❛   —  no,  no,  alice,  it’s  not  on  FIRE  anymore,  we  put  it  out  with  the  showerhead,   ❜   mary  hastened  to  explain.   ❛   —  just,  like,  don’t  be  alarmed  by  the  scorch  marks  in  the  tub.  also  we  might  need  a  new  shower  curtain.   ❜

━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ┋  𝒜𝓁𝒾𝒸ℯ ℱℴ𝓇𝓉ℯ𝓈𝒸𝓊ℯ.

❝   OH! oh. right, past tense... was on fire.   ❞ she processed, nodding as she once again lowered herself onto the bed with a quizzical look on her face.  ❝ wait, i still don’t get why it was on fire in the first place ? ❞

@quiddch​

❝ It’s like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it’s gummy bears and instead of milk it’s vodka. ❞

❝ that, my dear friend, is sound logic ! to which i say, pour me a bowl ? ❞ she mused, the soft smile that graced her lips not quite touching her hues . 

@marymacs​

❝ So we successfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know. ❞

❝  huh... fire ? wait ... what ?  ❞  alice shot up, scrambling to find her wand amidst the chaos of tissues and sweaters.  ❝ why ?! did you intend on lighting our bathtub up ?  ❞

     He felt his breath catch in the back of his throat as she reached up to wipe away the stray tear that had fallen down his face. Honestly, the intimate gesture wasn’t something that he had expected–especially after the distance that time and his own actions had put between them. Sirius couldn’t say that he deserved any of the gentleness that came from the blonde. But, it was something that Alice still OPENLY gave to him whether he was deserving of it or not. He was thankful for that in this moment in time when he felt like his world was completely falling apart. He needed some sort of comfort in all the chaos that stirred around him.        He gave a simple nod of his head as she asked if she could hold Harry. He would be lying if he said that he didn’t need the break. Sirius was truthfully grateful for the opportunity for a reprieve from the cranky toddler. And maybe, Alice would have some BETTER LUCK with soothing him. Not that anyone could ever replace the little boy’s mom, but he wouldn’t be surprised if Harry responded more kindly to a woman’s touch. Something that had been cruelly ripped from him in the past twenty-four hours. As suspected, Harry sleepily nestled against Alice’s chest while Sirius resisted the urge to spot out some CRUDE remark.         He instead stifled these thoughts with a yawn that he had been trying to keep at bay since Alice arrived. As the yawn escaped him, he rubbed his eyes sleepily and headed back into the living area where he’d been sitting with Harry. He took the opportunity of being freed from having Harry in his arms to stretch out on the plush sofa in the living area.  ❝ Swear that m’not trying to go to sleep on you, Alice. It just feels fuckin’ AMAZING to finally get to lie down,  ❞ He spoke. Yawning again, he rubbed his face with both of his hands before pushing them up to his hair.     ❝ Merlin, I don’t know how Lily and James did this all the time without looking like a WRECK. Not even into 24 hours of being a…. ❞ He paused for a moment before he let the word slip from his lips.  ❝ A parent. And it’s already killing me. Maybe, they were wrong about the whole idea of putting me in charge of their child. ❞

━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ┋  𝒜𝓁𝒾𝒸ℯ ℱℴ𝓇𝓉ℯ𝓈𝒸𝓊ℯ.

as the petite blonde cooed to the soft baby that now nestled into her chest, another wave of pain crashed through her nimble frame. the mere fact that lily, her lily would not get to do this with her sweet angel any longer made her throat tighten so much she could barely whisper out the few comforting words she could manage to utter.  ❝  mummy loved you, harry... ❞ she’d whisper softly between loving pecks to his small forehead.  ❝  dada loved you. you are STILL so loved. we’re going to take care of you... it’ll be alright.  ❞ she continued, her pleas for safety making it clear that she wasn’t only just talking to harry. alice was hoping to convince herself in the process. 

sirius’ reaction wasn’t lost on her either, the strapping young man melting onto the inviting couch only served as a stark reminder that he had been facing this all alone. when alice had heard the news, she’d been acting silly at some halloween function with thaddeus, dreaming of the costume she SHOULD have been wearing if only she had agreed to go out with mary but instead tugging at the tight corset her beloved made her squeeze into, in hopes of impressing his mother. at the time, she thought that the night could not get worse. she was clearly very sorely mistaken. the rest of the evening was quite a blur, especially once the aurors managed to find her. all she could remember was disapparating to the only place she could imagine to seek solace without having to face the other third of their now fractured friend group. too many things had already been lost. watching her love torture himself over the future that had been thrust into his arms with news of the tragedy in tow only made her frown more pronounced, details of their entanglement and subsequent falling out left in the backburner for at least that evening. she always wished to ease his pain and this occasion was no different. 

❝ they were a TEAM, sirius. and it wasn’t easy on them either. they a-... were incredible. but they were not flawless... ❞  careful not to jostle the baby too harshly, alice slowly made her way towards the couch to join sirius, sitting on the edge of the seat to face him so he could see the veracity shining in her hazel hues.  ❝ they didn’t make a mistake when they chose you. you loved them so much... you would never let anything happen to this baby. and that’s why they picked you. and you’re not going to be alone. i won’t let you be alone. he is my family too.  ❞

               she’d  forgotten  how  it  felt,  that  familiar  panic  that  seized  her  heart  at  even  the  possibility  of  his  presence.  not  here,  not  now  —  had  he  known  she’d  be  here,  somehow  ?  had  he  expected  she’d  return  ?   ❛   —  NO,   ❜   andy  said,  far  too  quickly,  glancing  behind  her  again.   ❛   —  i  mean,  no,  that’s  okay.  don’t  worry  about  it.   ❜   she  was  doing  a  piss-poor  job  at  concealing  her  alarm,  she  knew  that.  sometime  in  the  last  four  years,  she’d  lost  the  talent  of  masking  her  every  emotion.  she  took  a  drag  from  her  cigarette,  hoping  to  slow  her  racing  heart.   ❛   —  how  –  how  do  you  know  him  ?   ❜

━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ┋  𝒜𝓁𝒾𝒸ℯ ℱℴ𝓇𝓉ℯ𝓈𝒸𝓊ℯ.

the sheer fear in her voice, all too familiar to alice, only made the hairs on the back of her neck stand erect and an unsettling feeling began to simmer in the pit of her stomach. why in the world andromeda was reacting so ardently at the mention of thaddeus was beyond her, but some small part of her brain, the one that understood how there were many negative aspects about her boyfriends personality, took this trigger and ran with it. had he snapped at her before? made a snide comment that the beautiful brunette could not forgive, like the many he had tried to play off with alice?  ❝ he’s my boyfriend. are you... is something wrong? has he done something to upset you? because i promise he’s not terrible, sometimes he has a way of really getting ahead of himself with the things he says but he means well. his family is just quite passionate and he, um.. should we go?  ❞

      Since the Aurors had arrived on his doorstep and put Harry into his custody, Sirius had been desperately trying to hold himself together. He had being doing it for Harry’s sake–for his own sake.  This entire situation was AWFUL enough without him also falling apart. Besides, the one thing that Harry didn’t need is the person that was supposed to be caring for him turning into a broken mess. Sirius had resolved to be strong for the child that he was now in custody of. But, as Alice fell into his arms, he could feel that resolve start to waver. The blonde had been the one person, besides the Marauders, that he had ever felt comfortable enough to let his guard down with. 

         As the woman embraced him and the child, he stubbornly swiped at the tears that threatened to fall from the corners of his eyes. His lips pressed against her hair out of habit as he took a shaky breath in. He took a few moments to just breathe to gather the resolve that he had again before he spoke.  ❝ I… I know that this sounds RIDICULOUS, but I think that he knows something is wrong. It’s been difficult getting him to sleep. I—I think he is looking for them,  ❞ The last statement came out strained. Another unsteady sigh escaped his lips as he glanced back down at the toddler who’d calmed some from his earlier fussiness at being woken up so abruptly. 

            He shook his head in response to her words.  ❝ I… I don’t know either. I… can’t believe this is real.  ❞ He muttered. Honestly, Sirius was feeling entirely LOST with all this. Not only had he lost the two most important people in his life, he was now having to figure out how to navigate caring for another human life. In less than 24 hours, his life had been completely changed.

━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ┋  𝒜𝓁𝒾𝒸ℯ ℱℴ𝓇𝓉ℯ𝓈𝒸𝓊ℯ.

❝  it doesn’t sound ridiculous at all. they’re a part of him.    ❞ she muttered softly, her eyes following his, both watching the infant intently. he was right. it didn’t feel real but rather a wicked nightmare that only became more awful as time continued. knowing that it was reality was just too crushing to face alone and even still, who knew if they could do muster up enough courage together to get through one day let alone a life time. instead of worrying herself with the future, alice opted for tackling the task at hand. focusing on someone else’s pain made it easier to breathe for at least one minute. 

❝ it just doesn’t feel like it could be. but we’ll have to do something. anything.  ❞ though they hadn’t seen eachother since the funeral and they hadn’t exactly left things on excellent terms, that seemed to be the furthest thing from either of their minds in that moment. their awkward reencounter was meaningless now that their lives had taken such a turn, now that he had suddenly adopted a grand responsibility, all without the support of two people that they both considered pillars in their day to day life. perhaps that was the logic behind her thoughts as she reached up to wipe away the stray tears that he hadn’t caught, her soft hand lingering against his cheek.  ❝ and we won’t  do it alone.  ❞

❝  may i ? ❞ she offered, arms stretched outwards slightly in a gesture that conveyed she wanted to hold the now curious baby blinking up at his distraught godfather. they had many battles to fight and alice was no stranger to the burning desire for revenge that undoubtedly coursed through the brilliant young mans veins, but the current task at hand seemed manageable at least. her motherly instincts had to kick in at some point, right? especially since she’d been battling against baby fever since the moment lily announced her own pregnancy.  ❝ darling baby boy, won’t you please sleep? for your auntie alice’s peace of mind.  ❞

               for  a  moment,  every  muscle  in  andy’s  body  went  still.  her  heart  seized.  she  found  herself  glancing  over  her  shoulder  like  a  scared  rabbit.  but  she  stopped,  and  shook  herself  internally.  it  couldn’t  be  the  same  man.  thaddeus  wasn’t  an  uncommon  name  …  right  ?  this  girl  was  so  young.  so  …  full  of  light.  how  could  she  have  known  him  ?  she  found  herself  glancing  down  at  alice’s  hands,  searching  for  the  ring  she  had  once  worn.  it  wasn’t  there,  thank  god.  because  it  couldn’t  be  him.  it  couldn’t.  andromeda,  and  by  extension,  the  black  family,  had  insulted  thaddeus  bletchley  in  the  most  humiliating  way  possible  when  she’d  fled  the  wizarding  world,  and  their  engagement,  without  a  word.  he  wouldn’t  come  here,  to  the  funeral  of  the  mother  of  his  ex-fiancé.  he  wouldn’t.

               …  but  she  had  to  be  sure.  

                ❛   —  thaddeus  ?   ❜   she  asked,  voice  falsely  casual,  gaze  fixed  on  alice’s  face,  waiting  for  an  answer.  

━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ┋  𝒜𝓁𝒾𝒸ℯ ℱℴ𝓇𝓉ℯ𝓈𝒸𝓊ℯ.

at the change of the girls disposition, alice tilted her head to the side slightly as she mused over the reason why her boyfriends name had caught her attention.  ❝ um, yeah. thaddeus bletchley? he’s quite close with the rosiers so i would assume that’s how he knew druella ? he really didn’t speak much on the reason why, just said it would only be appropriate to come. he’s around here somewhere... ❞ the blonde continued, glancing back over the brunette’s shoulder in search of the familiar butch frame.  .  ❝ would you like to say hello? ❞

      It’d been HOURS since Sirius had been asleep. Between the grief that he felt and caring for a child that couldn’t understand where his parents had gone to, there had been very little hours to rest his head. As a result, he was in quite the state. His eyes red from a combination of crying and lack of sleep. But, finally, after it seemed like he would NEVER get the child to settle, he managed to get Harry to doze off on the couch. Sirius hadn’t been able to get the boy a place of his own to sleep yet. He couldn’t bring himself to travel over to the Potters to retrieve his things… not yet.

     Unfortunately, the peace didn’t last for long for there was a knock at the door which disturbed the sleeping child. Sirius cursed under his breath as Harry began to again let out fussy wails in protest to being woken up. He sighed as he picked his godson back up gently shushing and bouncing him as he went to answer the door. He wondered who could be visiting them now as he hadn’t exactly planned for any company now. His eyes widened in SURPRISE when he saw Alice standing there. The look on her face clearly read that she had heard what happened to their friends.. and before he could say a word she had crumbled right in front of him. 

      ❝ Hey… come in…  ❞ He spoke softly, voice strained. He adjusted Harry in his arms so that he could try to help her get up and into his flat. 

       ━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ┋  𝒜𝓁𝒾𝒸ℯ ℱℴ𝓇𝓉ℯ𝓈𝒸𝓊ℯ.

suddenly guilt washed over her with so much force it almost knocked the air out of her, triggered by the look on his face and the way he craddled the fussy baby close to his chest. harry, her dearest harry. the baby boy that had brought their friends so much light amidst the turmoil. even when they’d been forced to go into hiding, lily had gone on and on about how it would be fine so long as they had their bundle of infinite joy. so now, even though her loss left a roaring pit of pain in the depths of her chest, alice couldn’t be selfish. not when this innocent child had been robbed of the pleasure of knowing his parents. that thought didn’t stop the tears, but it certainly helped fortify her soul just enough for her to grip onto sirius’ free arm and follow him into the flat. 

it was obvious that he was not coping so well either, his eyes bloodshot and full of pain. how could they make sense of such the cruel circumstances that led to this moment, to the reality that now haunted them with every baited breath.  ❝ how.. how is he?   ❞ the blonde questioned, naively surveying the young toddler as if there could be any visible sign that he even knew what was going on. once she was satisfied with the notion that he was alright, her concerns shifted to sirius. she wiped her tears fiercely before pulling him into a lopsided embrace, making sure to include harry while still not crushing him. it was all she knew to do. 

  ❝ i don’t know what to do.  ❞

@canismajcrs​

she couldn’t tell how long it had been since she apparated in front of his door. time had stopped long ago, right around the second the aurors began talking and words like attack and casualties fell from their lips, her best friends name in tow. death was a concept that was becoming quite familiar but never easier to deal with, if one could even consider what she was doing ‘dealing’ with it. 

alice raised her hand to knock, flexing her hand open and closed once more before finally letting her knuckles tap against the wooden frame. her vision was still clouded by the tears that had yet to fall and try as she might to brush them away, it was like a bottomless well had just been unleashed and at that point, there was nothing much that could be done about it all. truth be told, she didn’t even really know what she was doing, running from the party she was attending and scurrying off to the only place that came to mind, the only fleeting comfort that her brain could muster up in that moment. 

as the door swung open slightly, alice let out a soft whimper, her tiny frame almost too frail to keep her up. the petite girl had hardly been able to walk and that was clear enough the moment she laid her tear shot eyes upon sirius and crumbled to the floor in front of him, fresh tears bubbling up once again. 

❝   i didn’t know where else to go.  ❞