i have drunk the stars

I truly don’t think Ilya realises how physically attracted Shane is to him in book canon. He suspects Shane is gay and so knows he’s not in a position to be openly dating anyone and he knows Shane is an over-thinker who would obsessively worry about his secret getting out. Ilya is as safe an option as the come, a man who has as much (or arguably more) to lose if anyone were to find out about them. Supposedly there’s at least a level attraction there and the sex is certainly good but he caught Shane at a time where he was inexperienced and maybe would have wanted anyone who made his interest so blatantly obvious. Ilya’s more willing to actually compliment Shane, such as calling him beautiful in the prologue, while most of what Shane actually lets himself say to Ilya is closer to chirping, mostly calling him an asshole at every turn, telling him that Cosmopolitan ranking as the fifth hottest player in the NHL “does seem generous”. Ilya doesn’t actually take it seriously but all of Shane’s monologuing about how hot he finds Ilya is internal. He’s truly shocked when Shane says it aloud at the cottage because Shane has never actually verbalised how fucking attracted he is to him. Now, don’t get me wrong, Ilya know he’s hot shit, he knows he’s talented enough on the ice to capture Shane’s interest while almost no one else is and he knows he can make him lose his mind in the bedroom but he’s all the way in love with Shane and committed to trying to make this work before Shane ever allows himself to overtly thirst after him and there’s something so heartbreaking about him throwing himself in head first without expecting Shane to give an inch on that front.

social media has evolved into such a voyeuristic spectacle over the last five to ten years its truly shocking to me like excluding tumblr 90% of the explore pages on other apps is just videos of peoples faces set to music or people talking directly to the camera etc etc......by contrast on tumblr there is still a sort of sheen of anonymity based on how its formatted and usually when you interact with a post you read or watch the content first and then learn the users identity second by clicking on their profile ie the dash is not just a wall of people filming themselves unless its a repost......i remember even only a couple of years ago there was a distinction between people who were influencers and got paid to film themselves 24/7 for instagram but now its like every average person on reels/tiktok is performing the same kind of theater for free......i cant imagine what that would do to your psyche long term

I love people who have specific characters that are their "no one understands this character like me. not even the writers." because they're genuinely not joking. the way they understand those specific characters is so profound that it'll change your entire veiw.

this fic is so good i hope i write it

[no beers in] do you think im ever going to belong somewhere