Nuha

You transcend from the pits of despair, the depths of rock bottom, grey skies, gloomy Sundays and dreary nights to laughing heartily at the most minuscule, absurd notions.

Like when strangers witness you running towards a bus in your you-est, weirdest ways, to find joy in something as ridiculous as that.

Like how you suddenly find tranquillity from the sea that you witness on your way home every day, stop by to take a deep breath, feel your belly tinkle along with the tips of your lips in a smile.

Above all, when you find euphoria in the same thing that once shattered your soul;

finding the silver lining of things that were meant to hurt you, and when you not only settle for making lemonade from the lemons thrown at you but create all kinds of aliments out of them.

"I think one of the best pros of life is that if you ever fail, you can always start over, begin anew."

I found myself feeling nostalgic, feeling a love for you that I reminisce from all the times I've lived with you in my head.

The times I dreamt of feeding you and doing all father daughter stuff, dreamt of you standing next to me through every struggle. Each time I got reminded of how mom told me about your resilience and how you climbed the ladder with all your hard work.

Every time I recall how she told me about you, I remember the respect written on her face for you, I beam with pride because I saw she was telling the truth through her gleaming eyes.

Maybe the fact that I came out of my loneliest and most unbearable times is because you were over there, miles apart, praying for my happiness and safety.

And I hope that each time I prayed for your happiness and peace, God granted them and sent my love to you.

I know I'm not physically with you and mom, but I know nothing on earth can defy the love you both have for me. I sometimes amaze myself by looking back at how resilient I've been at times, maybe I got it from the both of you.

I've been pouring my love on everyone close to me, wearing my heart out on my sleeves. I wonder if I got that from you too. When I came home, I thought of you because I would love to pour all of my love on you, too. Only if you saw how I've taken care of you in my head, you'd probably be the happiest father alive.

I hope you're proud of me, and I hope that in this life time, I get the opportunity to pour all my love on you. Regardless of the lack of memories we got to make, I've never loved you less and I never will.

I remember seeing you thrice, and each time, I saw what I meant to you through your teary eyes and the way you sobbed. Maybe it frustrated you that you lost your voice but I didn't need to hear it from you to know you loved me to death.

With love,