unbelievably autistic about daniel howell

terrible influence | 2025

the 2021 what dan and phil text each other always comes to mind because i remember watching that when it came out, eating up the “joint content” (a phrase i haven’t heard in so long), the small moments that seemed even slightly less than platonic, the mere suggestion of a dan return in 2022.

if you told me then, or even an hour before why i quit youtube came out in 2022, what we have now i’d be shocked that we even got dan back in such a big way. let alone him gearing up for a third post-coming out tour, a second with phil and a first since coming out publicly about their relationship. even the smallest morsel of that information would’ve been more than enough to fuel us for years in a mid-hiatus, pre-wad, pre-everything era where we were surviving on mentions of dans name in phil videos to get us through the month.

in many ways i miss how i consumed their content back then, i miss the level of obsession i had during wad when i was documenting his every move. i don’t know when i ever got used to the amount of content we have now, but i know that all fifteen year old me wanted was the chance at another tour, and now she’s about to get tickets to her third…

so yeah all this to say it was worth the wait. it’s easy to forget that that’s how it used to be, but it almost makes the whole thing better, how good we have it now knowing there was once a time we never thought we’d see the day.

sixteen.🥂

(sorry for the two month delay in posting this)

it happened again. can you believe i started this account desperately posting about how badly i wanted to meet dan, never thinking it possible, and now i’ve met him not once but twice?

tit glasgow was truly the best experience of my life that even three days (or … two months) on, i don’t want to accept that it’s over. it was very different from my wad experience as i actually made friends before tit (shoutout to the queephs) who i met on dan and phil twitter and have seen pretty regularly for the last few months.

i was determined to go all out on the tifit after not committing as much as i would’ve liked for wad, so after months of planning i was so happy with how my outfit came out - my we’re all doomed longsleeve, black denim skirt, leather jacket, and my docs with purple laces, complete with purple eye makeup, nails, and the most gorgeous patterned tights. i’ve never really put a whole outfit together for an event like this before but i had such a fun time doing it. i also bought the tour t-shirt and hoodie whilst i was there, along with my vip merch bag.

i met dan and phil with my best friend lucas and honestly our meet and greet couldn’t have gone better. everything was so much clearer than expected (shoutout to sarah for recording) and really accommodating. i had them sign the time i got locked out of my twitter account for calling dan a whore (during the interval at wad😭😭) and made him laugh, and also the birth certificates for our build-a-bear children, dip and pip. we brought dip and pip for the photos and dan and phil loved them so much!! dan called them his children and told us give them good lives. we got group photos and individual photos which i will be gatekeeping for now apart from that photo of dan because he’s just too pretty not to share. i actually remembered to give them their letters (and a late birthday card for phil) which i’d prepared, unlike last time when i completely forgot. i didn’t get the chance for them to write out the tattoos i had planned but it was honestly the perfect m&g. they’re both so sweet and take genuine interest in what you have to say. i couldn’t be happier.

the preshow was also amazing. i seem to find that impulse questions are the way to go as i panic-wrote “thoughts on our gropuchat being called the queefs?” (we were all at the show), and dan suggested that we rename it queephs with a ph. which of course i immediately did. i love him. and here’s our preshow photo which im actually visible in this time!!

the show was, of course, amazing. dan was absolutely born to be on stage, he’s so beautiful under those stage lights and you can really see that look of pure adoration in him that i’ve seen in so many other performers, myself included, so many times. it truly makes me theatre kid heart so happy.

i traded so many bracelets in the interval because i truly had made so many (too many) (like genuinely however many you’re imagining, it’s Worse).