First off please forgive me that I am such a deadbeat dad and it took me so long to do this for you, kindly anon. But here in my bedazzled trash can of extraness, I aim to please, so here is my oh so official analysis of the many looks of Liam “Daddy Trash Can Lid Hands” Payne, love of my life.
We’ll start with probably my least favorite era - the Man Capris:
I genuinely don’t even know what to say to this. I’m not entirely sure if he lost a bet or he purchased these in an American Chicos store and, being European didn’t realize that we only sell these to our enemies. Maybe he fought a baby and wore the baby’s pants like a trophy, or he just decided one day to wake up and fuck with me by wearing a soccer mom’s capri pants. Either way this is probably the darkest period in Limothy Payne’s fashion history.
Nope actually I was wrong this probably is. The only way I can explain most of Liam’s fashion choices during the Where We Are tour is that he was healing from a botched lasik eye surgery or had cataracts that have since been corrected because I cannot for the life of me understand why he would spend two hours blessing a stadium full of people every night with the Liam Payne sparkle dressed like a Home Depot sales associate from 1984.
2015: Liam Payne’s Ascension
In 2015 Liam got the many concerned messages I was sending via Indian smoke signal and carrier pigeon, and decided to send the denim vest and capris on a reverse rocket ship to the earth’s crust, spending the general year ascending into peak hotness levels with only a few missteps.
he’s literally wearing a canadian tuxedo yet i am aroused
“me? did i make your bones disintegrate and fall out of ass?”
Here you can see he decided to come to the AMAs dressed as the hot moneyed financial analyst that would break my heart and roast me for a lack of 401k.
At some point during the year Liam lost a bet and was forced to wear clothes that looked like he was the most popular blackjack dealer at the Bellagio.
i know, i’m concerned looking too bud
Caption: a rare photo of me and Liam, who is dressed like the most beautiful Mohegan Sun cocktail waiter
A photo of Liam looking disappointed in me and my choices after i spent 11 minutes imagining what it would be like to build a rustic yet modern home in his patch of chest hair.
Liam, looking genuinely disappointed in the amount of places I feel it’s acceptable to show up without pants on.
Liam continued to get so hot that most of his hair swooned off of his head, and The Brit Awards were a prime example.
Limothy was out there killing it with a next level smize, ready to make DOW Jones Industrial decisions in the boardroom and then get into his Bat Mobile and run over my withered husk of a corpse from being callously murdered by his flawless moisturization game.
2087
turnnoffyourmind
romaincrisis
blakekathryn
