SCAVENGER

; i hate u, @skywclkiing & @forcesensing.

Innocence clings to her chest. Its head rests right under her startled chin. Its hair smells like coming home after a long day of politics, of telling stories about the jedi, of … Tears press against her fragile eyelids. They rise in her chest. She musters all of her strength to keep her body from shaking. Salty droplets make their silent way down her cheeks and land on the crown of Rey’s head. Leia refuses to let it show. Her body is frigidly still. Even her breathing is unnaturally controlled. Anything to keep up appearances. To make Rey believe that it is alright, that her mom is making a good decision for all of them.

Carefully, she looks to her husband, acceptance barely visible through her tears. An answer to his earlier plea: we are doing the right thing. She hopes that if she can convince him, she can convince herself. But she doesn’t like him seeing her tears. If he touches her again, she’s not sure she will be able to keep from shaking, and then all will be lost.

As if to hide from reality, Leia rests her face against her daughter’s head. She takes a few deep breaths. They don’t stop the tears, but she doubts anything will. Perhaps when she has run out of them, and then she will sob hollowly, no doubt. She cannot imagine smiling again.

❛ I know. ❜ Somehow – by some miracle – she sounds almost happy. As if this is nothing but a small vacation for her daughter, as if they will – with absolute certainty – see each other in a few days. ❛ You are good, Rey. And I will miss you very much. ❜ Her voice finally breaks on the last word, so she decides not to say any more. She kisses the top of Rey’s head and fondles the air to find Han’s hand.

@shotfcrst.

he watches the girls, silently as he stands from his crouching position. he’s fighting his own tears and they’re close to winning until he sees leia’s. he knows eventually he’ll have to cry but for right now, he’ll be strong for his wife. for rey. he’s stepping closer to the two, hands on hips his mind is racing as the sounds of their voices are drowned out by the sound of his nervous heart pounding. you’re protecting her. you’re protecting her. you’re protecting her. he says it silently over and over like a mantra until he almost believes it. it’s true they ARE protecting their daughter by leaving her here until they can do something with ben, but are they doing it the best way they can? han’s pulled from his thoughts at the sight of leia’s hand reaching for his own. he reaches out intertwining his fingers with his wife’s and gives it a squeeze. a silent ‘i love you’ and ‘don’t worry it’s going to work out.’ leaning down, his lips pressed to the crown of their daughter’s head. he lifts his free hand to place on the back of her skull. he speaks with a quiet murmur before pulling away. “i love you—princess.”

This is all WRONG and she hates it. Her mother’s voice should not break like that, her father shouldn’t be fighting back tears. In her confusion and upset she is half convinced that someone has come in the night and taken her parent’s place. Surely these strangers are not the same people who tuck her to bed every night and read her stories? Those people would never leave her like this. 

In all her heartbreak she finds herself wishing desperately for her brother. It has been a long time since she saw him last, and she has heard her parents saying his name in angry whispers more than once now, but in her young mind she knows that if he were here this would not be happening. Ben would be able to think of some plan to stop this, or perhaps they would not even be here.. They had sent him away too, though, to uncle Luke; hadn’t they wanted him either? At least, however, they had left him with someone he knew. 

                   “Where’s Ben? Can’t I go stay with him instead?”  

The question comes breathless, her voice hitching uncomfortably and still laden with tears. It does not matter what her parents say, or how happy and okay they try to sound, there is nothing that can make this situation better. Her family do not want her, so they are leaving her here on this strange uncomfortable planet for who knows how long. What if they never come back? The thought makes her feel physically sick, and a slight groaning noise joins in with the sobbing

Her parents are too close, for she is starting to find it slightly hard to breath. With all of her six year old strength she tries to push them away, trying to ignore the painful feeling of being alone without their arms around her. 

She wants to go home, too. Sand peppers her hair and her clothes is already clinging uncomfortably to her limbs. Half of the desert is in her shoes; she might as well be walking barefooted. The sun is unforgiving.

But worst of all, she is clinging to her daughter’s hand, knowing that she will have to let go soon.

Rey isn’t supposed to be here for very long. Just while they sort things out with Ben. He is his father’s son; they should have known rebellion would be in the cards for him. Something pulls at the corner of her lips, but she doesn’t manage a smile. She can’t smile when the prospect of leaving her daughter is so close. In fact, she doubts that she will be able to go through with it. How they managed to drag her to this planet, she isn’t sure.

That is a lie. Leia’s eyes drift to the figure walking on Rey’s other side. Han. Supposedly, he has connections, who will take care of her while they are gone. And, on top of that, he has a pair of eyes, which she has never been able to resist.

Rey’s hand slips out of hers, and Leia finds herself panicking. Her heart triples its speed. It is a wonder she doesn’t reach out and grab it out of sheer force. Because Rey might be scared, but her mother is terrified.

She takes a deep breath. Holds it for a few seconds. Then lowers herself to her daughter’s level, carefully resting a palm on each of Rey’s crossed arms. ❛ This is not because you broke the picture. We have forgiven you for that. This is, ❜ oh, how she wishes she took a last glance at her husband; she could use an encouraging look, ❛ to protect you. ❜ One of Rey’s locks have escaped her hairdo. Leia reaches up to brush it behind her ear, but it falls out a moment later; the lock is too short. For reasons unknown, this simple observation breaks Leia’s heart.

@shotfcrst.

with every step they took han’s heart continued to drop, until he was sure it would end up in his stomach. the dry desert air wasn’t helping with his already dry mouth as he fought back the lump in his throat. he knew this was for the best and he knew that his daughter would be in good hands here. he had been preparing himself for the goodbye the second he gave the idea to leia. but if this was the right thing to do then why was it so hard? — hazel eyes fall to the girl between himself and leia and his heart swells. the innocence in her question only makes what they’re about to do that much harder. he takes a step behind his wife and places strong hands on her slender shoulders. it’s to protect her he reminds himself as her mother speaks, she’s trying her best not to fall apart in front of the girl and han hears it in her voice, he squeezes her shoulders reassuringly. when the brunette is done its his turn, he clears his throat and squats to her size before speaking in a calming tone. “sweetheart. your mother and i want the best for you and right now that’s for you to be here. i know you’re confused but you’ll understand in time i promise. we’ll be back before you know it, and then we’ll work on those flying lessons.” there’s a sad smile on his lips when he finishes his sentence and he looks up to his wife, silently pleading for something–something that reassured they were doing the right thing.

Oh she doesn’t like this, she doesn’t like this one bit. Her mothers hands are on her arms, and her father is talking softly, right to her. These are things that should be comforting, they should be slowing her heart and making everything okay but they’re not and she does not understand why. Maybe it is the terrible look in her mother’s eyes or the not-smile-smile on her dad’s face; either way Rey feels her stomach begin to drop, worry, fear and sadness curling up somewhere next to her heart as she listens to their words. 

                                          They are sending her away. 

Well, leaving her behind, technically, but she is too young and upset to make the distinction. All she truly understands is that for some reason her parents, her parents who she loves and trusts more than anyone in the entire galaxy, do not want her anymore. Oh they’re saying they’ll be back, that it’s too keep her safe, but how can it be? How can she possibly understand this? 

As the heartbreaking realizations sink in her small lips begin to wobble and dark eyes fill with tears. 

             “No.”  

A childish response, but at the end of the day that’s all she is: a terrified six year old. Quite suddenly the tearful eyes and wobbly lip develops into full blown sobbing. Tears roll down her cheeks, sobs tearing from her chest leaving her breathless; the picture of childhood misery. For a moment she considers running away from them. Perhaps if she runs and hides somewhere, they will decide that it is not worth the trouble to leave her here. Or perhaps they will see that she is so fast and sneaky and clever that they actually want to keep her. Or-and this thought only makes her sob harder-perhaps they will be happy, perhaps running away will only save them the trouble of abandoning somewhere in the sand dunes 

In reality, however, she does the exact opposite. Scared and hurt and betrayed as she is, they are still her parents and she is still only a child. Without even thinking about it she finds herself rushing to her mother, clinging to her as tight as she possibly can. Abandonment or not her mother is still the best comfort she knows; even if she’s the reason she needs comfort in the first place. 

meme | accepting 

@royalgeneral

“Why are we here? It’s sandy and HOT and smelly.   Is it because I broke the picture? When can we go   home?                Where’s BEN, is he coming too?” 

The questions are honest and innocent, the girl too young to notice the tension in her father’s shoulders; the tears her mother is so desperately trying to hold back. She walks in the middle of the two of them, both of her tiny hands lost in theirs. Sometimes when they walk like this they will swing her by the arms, lifting her so that she f l i e s through the air, only for a second or two at most but to her it always feels longer, although not long enough. Dad promises her that he will teach her to really fly, one day, and the thought makes her giddy with excitement. For a moment she considers asking them to swing her now, but they are not talking like they usually do and the look on her father’s face makes her decide otherwise. 

She walks. 

Tiny feet are not made for trudging in the desert however, and she finds herself slowing, then stopping. Her parents look at her, but she sticks her bottom lip out at them, arms crossed defiantly across her chest. It was wrong to break the photo, she knows that, but she didn’t mean to and this punishment seems to outweigh the crime rather heavily.