hello hello it's been a while sooooo for three year, ive posted back then that i was struggling over anxiety since i was 16, i self diagnosed myself until i had a few episodes of panic attacks but i wasnt sure if they were panic attacks until these past three months were honestly hard for me, i suffered panic attacks almost every single day and i can hardly get up from bed and go out of my room or house because it would my anxiety would trigger it. i couldn't sleep well and my mind is such a mess, i couldn't even speak and have a proper conversation with anyone near me. My body wants to move but my mind doesn't want to cooperate.
I was feeling numb, i cant feel myself, i cant think straight, i feel lightheaded, feeling faint, my heart is rushing a bit, i get panicky, ny vision gets a bit blurry, feeling unreal.
When i felt that i really need help since I've been having panic attacks, i went to a psychiatrist for consultation and testing, they diagnosed me with generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, agoraphobia and two more diagnosis. I was given some meds but thinking about taking my meds already gives me anxiety. I don't want to depend on it.
Having anxiety isnt cute, having panic attacks isnt cute, laying in bed at 3am with your mind chattering isnt cute, nothing is cute and should be glorified when it comes to things like this. I would never want anyone else to experience these things because they're really scary and absolutely annoying. When you really want to feel better but your mind isn't cooperating, that's the worst that i have experienced.
Til now, I'm still experiencing anxiety and panic attacks and I really hate it when the things that trigger it are constantly there and I have no idea how to deal with it. I am thankful to have supportive friends as I go in this period of my life. I just want this over, I want my life back. I am so tired of feeling okay then after a few moments, my alarm will go off for no reason at all. I just want to constantly feel OKAY and happy.
There are days where I'm fine, my mind is relaxed and I can function normally and not think about my anxiety but there are also days where I'm down, anxious, and suddenly filled with panic, can't sleep and eat and talk.
By now I'm just holding on to my friends and to myself. I will be okay and I am hoping and sure I will be back to my old self. I wanna live like I did before, anxiety and friends, I am so tired of you. And I hope you'll leave me as soon as you can.
gummygunk
origamiaround
amandla
andulkaphoto
