change will come

IN THE FACE OF EXTERMINATION

all of that is to say gunil was in a crisis. I'm not exaggerating. I can't say his exact mental state, but from what we know— being stalked day after day, being unjustly "criticized" after an hours long concert, feeling like he couldn't talk to anyone close to him about his feelings— it all could only compound into a genuine mental health crisis. when someone is in that state, especially for a prolonged period of time, they will not be in their right mind. like, I don't think I can properly stress just how much someone's personality can change when they are in the throws of a breakdown, and I think it's hard to conceptualize unless you've seen it yourself.

this isn't me trying to excuse his actions or words. I wholeheartedly think that he should have gotten help from a professional instead of dumping everything on someone who was essentially a stranger. he shouldn't have let his anger and frustration and stress get the better of him. he shouldn't have said the words he said. but gunil is human and practically no one is that self aware, and even if he was, it's easier to wallow in self pity than it is to reach out for help.

I think everyone is capable of reform. I don't think this is indicative of him as a person, moreso showing just how much he was at his wits end. I don't want to throw the baby out with the bathwater. from everything else that we have seen from him, he does seem to be a kind and genuine person who values others when not bogged down by everything. and I think his bbl message shows that to an extent. he admitted to and took accountability for his words, he recognized that they were inexcusable. I don't think someone who is too far gone would say that.

as far as the other claims go— worse words being said and him badmouthing the other members— I personally take those with a grain of salt until more proof is provided. not because I don't think they actually happened, but because I know that this is a common tactic used to defame someone. have actual proof of an accusation, provide it and insinuate that other, worse things happened even if they didnt, and because you provided proof of one thing, you are now a credible source.

and for the speculation happening in the reddit post: it's just that. speculation. I don't think it's possible to diagnose any one thing as the "reason" for gunil's breakdown, nor do I think that the "warning signs" that op provided were valid. I think the only real "warning sign" was gunil's constant talk of never being enough. like I said before, from everything gunil has shown us in the past, I really don't think he has fallen down the alt right pipeline. I don't think he is a secret raging misogynist. I think he may have underlying misogynistic beliefs (don't we all in a misogynistic society?) but those are things he can unlearn given time.

I think that, if he hadn't been kicked out, having this conversation would have been easier. I still stand by that him being kicked out was a rash and unfair decision, especially since he is their drummer and finding another drummer or sessionist who can do what he did will be extremely difficult. I think that stuj should have provided him better support, mentally and irt being stalked. I think, now that we've all had time to digest everything, and have been given the opportunity to understand what, exactly, his words meant, we can hold both statements as true: what he said was misogynistic and he shouldn't have said it in the first place, and that he shouldn't have been kicked from the group for it.

there were a lot of things that should have happened. stuj should have taken legal action against their sasaengs as soon as possible. stuj should have provided mental health services. gunil should have confided in his band members and gone on hiatus until he could think with a clear head. but he didn't and here we are.

in the long run, my main concern is that, time and time again, companies will prove that they value sasaengs' money more than they value their artists' wellbeing. sasaengs are the whales of the kpop industry and they drop millions of won on the artists they stalk, and losing that revenue source would probably severely impact if a company would end the quarter in green or not. that's why junhan wasn't kicked out for his statements, but gunil was. what junhan said was racist and, in my opinion, just as bad as what gunil said, but his words didn't betray the "relationship" he had with their domestic market, and in turn, sasaengs. gunil's words did. in their eyes, gunil was no longer marketable, so they removed him.

at the end of the day, I won't judge any villain with how they want to proceed. for me, personally, I will still support him. if he ever comes back to the public eye as a musician, and if he shows genuine remorse for what he has said and done, then I think he should be given the chance. then again, I tend to be a more forgiving person than most in situations like this. I understand villains who no longer want to support him and I understand villains who do or don't want to boycott xdz/jype as a whole.

IM FRIED I LOVE THEM

This has been sitting in my drafts for a while, but in light of all the bullshit attacks on queer and nsfw creators lately, here it is I guess 🤷

I had been wanting to ditch Google Docs for years, but most "Google docs alternatives" weren't a good fit for my needs: A good mobile experience, and the ability to sync my work across devices. Most of the common alternatives people throw around are either iOS only, desktop only, or not free to use.

So it wasn't until I found @ellipsus-writes that I finally made the switch back in September 2024. The app is well-designed, works across devices, supports collaboration, AND they're staunchly anti-AI, queer friendly, and fanfic friendly! 🌈

It's not perfect (yet!) mind, but it's pretty damn close for me. Some caveats:

Formatting options are a bit limited at this time. Your font choice applies to the whole document, and things like subscript and superscript aren't available. (This is my biggest gripe atm, as my current writing project involves a lot of research and footnotes).

Ellipsus does not have a native app, so you won't find it on the AppStore/Play Store. Instead, it is a web app. It runs in the browser. But on mobile devices, you can get a more "app-like experience" by adding it to your home screen. (More on that later)

You cannot 'magically' import all of your work from Google docs into Ellipsus. You'll have to import them manually. One at a time.

But uh... One cool thing Ellipsus has that Google Docs does not? An "Export to AO3" feature! No more fixing formatting issues or having to use that "Format for AO3" user script that can be laggy as hell!

Part 1: Getting your work into Ellipsus

As of this writing, Ellipsus can only import Markdown (.md) files. So in order to get your work imported, you'll first have to export it from Google Docs (or whatever you currently use) as markdown.

The shitty thing is, Google Docs only lets you do this on desktop 🫠