too old for this shit

Bryce Lahela x F! mc (Zelda Herschel)

words: 2170

summary: Rewrite of book 2 chap 11 from bryce’s pov, as Zelda stresses over everything happening and Bryce realizes he’s not content with just a smile, fickle promises, and leaving words unsaid to keep from going down to the places they won’t walk. 

rating: teen and up Light swearing, and light sexual themes

hurt/comfort 

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a/n

listen I hated how it emphasized how hot Bryce was, like okay we get it bryce is hot but his best friend is dying my thought wouldn’t be Let me look at your beautiful face one last time lets give bryce some more personhood other than being hot. pls fuck me pb wtf 

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Zelda pulled Bryce away from all the eyes to a supply closet, pushing him against a shelf, and pressing against him she attacked his lips. diving into him entirely.

her hands found their way under his scrubs, and his found their way to her waist. They had mere moments before a nurse would page her, moments before it was all shattered and the facade of perfection they created with each desperate kiss was gone. 

Bryce broke apart, giving a breathless laugh as he looked at her. Bags under her eyes that jumped around, she had this look of exhausted desperation on her, he didn't fail to notice how her hands shook ever so softly, the way she seemed to jump out of her skin at everything. 

"Do you wanna talk about it or just continue to kiss the shit out of me?" he asked with a gentle smile. "I don't think I can take this," She said before kissing him again. He pulled away once more only to wrap his arms around her. "what happened?" He asked "it's nothing, just kiss me," "It's obviously not nothing, have you slept?" 

She shot him a look that told him to proceed with caution. "What happened, Z?" He asked softly, smoothing her hair back into place. "Ethan is a bit.... much, He doesn't agree with what I'm trying to do to save the hospital and he's being such a..... baby, I've fought with him and argued for weeks, Bryce He makes me want to rip my hair out, He's so stuck on the idea of what the diagnostic team was meant to be and he only sees one part of what it means, You know? I feel like I'm playing wife, scolding him, when he's acting like a child," she let her head fall to Bryce's chest. 

"He's so goddamn difficult Everyone else on the team is trying, everyone else is playing their role but he's so.. stubborn," Bryce listened dutifully, soothing the back of her head and holding her in his arms. 

"I feel like things keep coming and coming and they keep pushing me and I know, they push everyone I know that's the point but I just feel like they push me harder?  I just- I don't know, I don't know, I just wanna give up, I don't want politics or anything, and I'm here, on T.V talking up some shitty politician, Pretending that's my job, Because yeah, now my phone's blowing up Because despite everything I'm reduced to Ramsey's 'possible new girlfriend' Because fuck me that's why," She ranted, taking a deep breath before looking up. 

"The curse of being hot, smart, and skilled, is that people only recognize one of the three at a time, it's a heavy cross to bear, Yknow?" She joked with a tired smile. Dismissing everything with that smile.

He knew it All too well what was happening, what she was doing so easily, pulling away and fixing herself. He knew and yet he stood there with a sad frown on his face, brows furrowed as he reached out slightly.

"Maybe let's go somewhere," Bryce tried with a smile, "you need a break from this place," He added hopefully. "If you could do anything what would you do?" He asked with a smile, they both recognized the plead, and neither acknowledged it, something that happened a lot with the pair if he was honest.

"It's okay, I should keep working on my cases, I'm sorry I went off like that, I'll make it up to you," She promised with a soft smile. "Zelda come on, It's okay, Let's do something," He urged wrapping his arms around her waist. 

She was saved by the abrasive lights from the hall flooding in,  An annoyed nurse standing in the doorway. Pulling away from him she fled past the nurse, smiling at him as she did. 

Bryce was left, disheveled and helpless. He let out a deep breath as he ran his hand through his hair, his pager going off once again, Pulling him away from Herschel's fleeting form, She was gone, walking beside someone else. 

With the mental promise to check up on her later, he allowed himself to be pulled away.

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By the time he saw her again, it was before Krya's surgery and she seemed a bit better, She pressed a kiss to his lips and told him to take care of Krya before they separated.  

They separated all the time, parting ways with a promise to see each other at work, at a party, or just the next time they met up, A smile and a wave was a promise that they were only a text away, that if they needed the other, there they'd be. 

And then his hands started to shake, And as he finished the surgery and rushed to Zelda they didn't stop. He was met with a hoard of friends all looking at him with this grim look, they all went the same way.

He watched her through the window, pacing around the room, in bed was Rafael who followed his gaze and met him once again with a shrug, as if to say he'd already tried. 

"Zelda?" Bryce called from the other side of the wall. She turned to look at him, and with the knowledge, she was likely going to die, the first words out of her mouth upon seeing him was "Bryce, You shouldn't be here,"  He gave a soft smile and made a passing comment if he was honest he couldn't remember what he said, His mind was too wrapped up in watching her. 

She pressed her hand to the glass and sighed, within a second he pressed his own to the same spot on the glass. "Maybe Ethan will be less of a hardass on you, now," He joked with a hopeful smile. She let out a bittersweet laugh, and before he knew it there he was, fighting the same losing battle of trying to stay calm, to be strong in front of Zelda Herschel.

He watched as The diagnostic team drew blood, As Ethan lingered and once again, with the sound of his pager, he was pulled away.

But maybe for the best, as Bryce couldn't watch this, Watch her pale and her eyes roll back, He saw it enough He knew. He couldn't watch her wither away. 

He wasn't far, though, At all times he was a text away. She was pale and her cheeks had become gaunt, her lips were cracked and so dry she had a hard time stopping the habit she had since she was a child of picking at her lips till they bled. 

The hardest part of it all was watching through the glass as Ethan offered reassurance and dutifully she gave him her new symptoms with a gentle smile. It wasn't because he was jealous, it was the simple fact that she'd resigned into them failing that while they all tried to fix it, she was trying to ease them into the idea that if it can't be fixed she loved them. 

It was that at that moment she and Rafael shared a quiet resolve to make sure everyone knew that it was okay. 

He returned to her side after hours of working with some of the greatest minds he knew settled on the conclusion that there was no cure, she scanned their faces nodded, "how doomed am I?" She asked, If Bryce would have met her eyes, he would have seen that her's never left his form.

Bryce half-listened, to it all, the rundown of what he already knew, "I'm going to die here," She said and with a sigh that seemed sort of light she continued; "so be it," Three words that made the group flinch, ever so slightly. 

"Now's not the time to give up..." He heard Ethan say, But in honesty, they all knew He was just clinging to anything that might keep her from losing hope. As Sienna wetted the glass with her tears he finally looked at her, She watched her friend with a gentle smile. "I hear you no dying yet," she promised. 

And all at once, he was alone, and her eyes fell to him, with a forced smile he says "It's gonna be all right." Today seemed to be the day of promises made to ease hearts, he noted, making one of his own. 

"You don't have to be positive for my sake," She said gently. "I'm not, I can't let myself lose it, not when there's still hope," He said. She nodded thoughtfully, taking a labored breath before replying "whatever helps," 

Every moment felt heavier, with the weight of it all, with the fears they carried, and even as she gave him the same smile, the same one that said 'I'll see you later,' he came to the realization suddenly that the promise that was held in a smile wasn't enough for him. 

He suited up and within a moment, he was by her side, "what do you think? Am I still handsome? or am I maybe more handsome? Be honest." He said upon his entrance. 

The fear of making it real by saying anything else hindered him, But graciously She laughs, clapping lazily as he struts about in his bulky suit. 

"It's your best look yet," she informs with a tired grin. 

it's all coming down, He's losing her, he's losing her, it's over and they wasted time, This was it.  Every 'I love you' he trapped behind his teeth came back to the tip of his tongue. "I can't believe you actually came in here," She admitted with a sigh.

"if gonna be here for you I'm gonna be here for you," He said, As though repeated a club oath. 

"I'm not doing well on my own," She admits softly stroking her thumb over his rubber one. "No, no you've been brave," He denies. "I got two men killed because I was stupid," She reaffirms so sternly that it broke his heart.

So he does all he can, for the woman he loves and takes her in his arms just like before this began, Repeating "I'm sorry" till his voice broke. 

He gives her the only advice he can "stay positive," stupid as it may be, that's all he had. 

Even in joking, it all felt fragile, one breath it'd shatter. Everything was a funhouse version of their usual interactions, a melancholy facade of normalcy that she broke with "Did I tell you how thankful I am that you're here?" 

once the facade broke, so did Bryce's strained smile, "I was starting to go crazy worrying out there," He admits, "I couldn't imagine, I suppose it's just as hard, to watch," She replied. 

And it all came down, the weight of places they didn't walk, and the things they didn't say with the belief that it was obvious fell onto him, threatening to suffocate him. 

 "You mean a lot to me, More than you know, the idea of losing you...." He trailed off 

"if tonight's my last night, You're the one I want to spend it with," she said with a smile. 

She settled into the bed, too weak to pace about anymore, she looked up at him, in his bulky hazmat suit that was not at all made with cuddles in mind, and asked "Would you hold me?" her voice strained and rough, and Bryce didn't even have a thought of saying no. 

In the time spent spooning, it seemed everyone else spent it making a miracle because they rushed up, dark puffy eye bags looking more than a bit disheveled but with hopeful smiles on their faces. 

Bryce with his arm around her helps steady Zelda's arm, biting his lip as he watches the needle go in, sending a silent prayer to a god he doesn't believe in with it.

Reluctantly, to the demand of Ramsey, Bryce leaves her to rest, sleeping in the on-call dorm, despite being told to go home, no one would enforce this, in fact soon He was woken up by Ethan a broad smile playing on his face. "It's safe to go to her, without the hazmat suit, I have a feeling there's no other person she'd rather go tell her than you," He said gently.

And so, he did rushing in with all the confidence in the world, announcing "it worked?" A look of pure disbelief found its way to Zelda's face, so he strolled through the door with a grin, arms open as if to prove it. 

Without so much as another word, she jumps up and runs to his arms, nearly taking him down in the process, everything lost to him but her fists curled into his scrubs, and her lips on his. 

Bryce Lahela x F! mc (Zelda Herschel) one sided Ethan Ramsey x mc

words: 805

Warnings: cursing, mentions of Vomiting

rating: mature just to be safe

angst  part 2 to this

From the moment Bryce showed off the ring, maybe truly it was from the moment He watched her walk out of her office, into his arms where she seemed to melt into him, an ease came over her, a smile fell on her lips once more, as he watched Bryce soothe the wrinkles furrowing her brows created, from that moment Ethan couldn't rest. 

A great pit fell into the bottom of his stomach, growing and growing as he waited for the end of it all, or what felt to him to be the end of it all. He found himself in an anxious daze, Making mistakes he used to as an intern, his mind was somewhere else, replaying the scene that played out before him without his noticing over and over again. 

The more he did the worse he got, because the more he did the more he saw of the love, the little actions they shared when they were together, the looks they shared, and how they rallied for each other. 

It had been a week since Bryce came in with a picture, proof of his plan, and Ethan knew today he was going to propose, the both of them counting down the days for very different reasons, both of them anxious as a schoolboy confessing a crush. 

Ethan felt as though he was more anxious than Bryce, seeing as he had just vomited up the contents of his stomach, all five cups of coffee wasted. 

so naturally he was scolded, forced to take a break and so he sat, nursing his cup of coffee leaning back in his office chair, A deep frown etched into his face. this was one of the first breaks of the day, And after this cup, he'd go back to work. 

He'd put aside every thought that didn't involve the work he had in front of him at that moment, He'd forget that the woman he loved was on a date, probably to some expensive restaurant, looking as radiant as ever looking down at the man in front of her, down on one knee with his heart in his throat and love in his eyes. 

Right now, as Ethan sat in his office, alone, She was likely saying yes.

She was likely grinning, brightly without a thought of him, why would there be? They never even were together. 

He closed his eyes, a weak attempt to stop the tears. 

A notification of a new post from Lahela lit up his phone screen, instead of   'will you marry me' written in chocolate on an almost empty plate of overpriced dessert and a background of opulence what came on his screen was plain. 

them in the kitchen, making bread he supposed, covered in flour, wearing aprons, 'thing one and thing two' their red aprons read, there she was looking down at Bryce as he was down on one knee, presenting her a cookie with a grin, the next photo was of her finding the ring that was on the bottom of the cookie, looking at Bryce in a bit of shock, and then the next two was Zelda, throwing herself into his arms before kissing him. 

The very last picture was of them both, arms around each other with Bryce pulling her arm forward, presenting the ring to the camera in pure 

"I can't believe I've managed that," He looked like a man that won the lottery, and he might as well have.

He couldn't pull his eyes from Zelda's face on the screen, Bright and joyful, she looked so happy, so amused at Bryce's antics. This one photo answered it all, silenced every question of "does she look at him like she looks at me?" Every whisper of "i could make her happier" and "I could convince her," were dead and gone. 

Because her smile answered it all. He could never make her grin like that, he could never think to take that from the pair. 

how foolish has he been to try and separate the pair that was joined at the hip from even the first day, just as she smiled and flirted with him she smiled and flirted with Bryce, He couldn't blame anyone but himself, much as he wanted to, he couldn't blame Bryce for taking every chance he got, every moment she looked at him to make her only see him.

He failed to notice the tears blurring his vision until one landed on his phone screen. breaking the one-sided staring contest he was having with the image.