Function of Calm

7. Emotional Reasoning

I also did not like the Verywell Mind examples of emotional reasoning, so for my research here I turned to The Every Girl. Emotional reasoning is when you become so overwhelmed by an emotion that it colors how you see the world or a situation. Feelings of guilt that come out of nowhere so you assume that you’ve done something worth feeling guilty about, or assuming you’re in a dangerous situation simply because you feel afraid are both examples of Emotional reasoning. So what does this have to do with math? Have you ever had a thought along the lines of “I feel like I did pretty bad on that test” then automatically assume that you got a bad grade? Yep, that’s emotional reasoning (with a little bit of Fortune Telling if you think about it). According to the Every Girl, this kind of thinking can cause us to have major anxiety about an event that hasn’t happened yet (such as a math test) which can lead to actions of avoidance, which often times means that feeling becomes sort of a self-fulfilling prophecy. In truth, sometimes things aren’t as bad as they seem. If you feel that Emotional Reasoning is a Cognitive Distortion that you have, it’s important to keep in mind the truth that although your feelings are valid they’re not always right. My favorite piece of advice comes from the Every Girl article: “When your emotions are taking over, take a step back and think about what you’d tell a friend or family member if they were feeling the same things, and remind yourself of that.”

8. “Should” Statements

This Cognitive distortion in particular used to get me all the time. I like to expand the definition and call these the “should would could” statements. Thoughts like “I’m smart so I should get a good grade in math” “If I had studied harder, I could have gotten a better grade” “I would be better at this sport if I practiced more.” While these statements might, from a logical standpoint, be true, they’re INCREDIBLY invalidating (except that first statement. That one is definitely not a given). I tend to invalidate my own energy levels with this one. I’ll be relaxing, watching a good Star Trek episode and crocheting, and suddenly start to feel guilty and think “I should be studying right now” or “I should be working harder on this project right now” when what was actually important to me in that moment was my need for self care. In truth, there’s nothing that you should do. Crazy right? Let that sink in. There are no actual requirements or expectations that exist universally. These are expectations that you have created (often times the idea is given to you by parents or society). If you’re emotionally exhausted, studying is not what you need. So maybe that means you need to spend less time studying (I can hear the shock, honestly I still have to remind myself of this sometimes). Because, above all else, Your mental health is more important than living up to the expectations that others have set for you. If you pull nothing else from this series, please remember that. You are the most important. 

This one can be hard to digest so please return to this post as often as you need to.

9. Labeling

Or as I like to call, judgments! In Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, there’s a huge emphasis on removing all judgments and for a very good reason. Labels had their purpose in our evolutionary history. We needed to know what fruit was poisonous and what fruit was good. We needed to know what animals were friendly and which ones would attack us. In fact, the entire scientific study of Taxonomy is dedicated solely to putting labels on species so we can see how everything is related. Labels and judgments in and of themselves are not bad, however they can become harmful. Sometimes you label yourself in a certain way - bad at math, ugly, un-athletic, ect. - and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy in a sense. You stop trying at math, and your grades fall. You stop putting effort into taking care of yourself and are never happy with how you look. Often times this label acts as a shield to protect yourself. In truth, you can do and be anything that you put your mind to. Corny phrasing, I know, but it’s true. You know the story of the little engine that could? “I think I can, I think I can” he said as he defied everyone’s expectations of him. And he did. That story isn’t just Hollywood magic, it has a kernel of truth that what you believe about yourself (and others) can affect your life. If you want more information on how mindset can affect math specifically, I highly recommend checking out youcubed.org or reading Jo Boaler’s book Limitless Mind.

Never forget, I believe in you.

Please note that if you find these thoughts to be debilitating and you’re unable to change them, it might be good to seek out professional help.

4. Discounting the Positive

Discounting the positive refers to when you find yourself in the habit of subconsciously (or, sometimes consciously) “ignoring or invalidating good things that have happened to you” (Verywell Mind). Do you find yourself winning an award or getting a good grade on a test and thinking that it’s not good enough or that you’re nothing special because someone else could of done just as well as you? In truth, if you win an award or get a good grade, you deserve that. You deserve all the good things that happen to you. Being chosen for an award is never a mistake, this means someone has noticed that you’re wonderful and wants to amplify your talents! If you got a good grade (and, let me tell you, “good grade” is a relative term. Even if it’s not an A it still might be amazing! The letter doesn’t matter) that’s because of your hard work and talents! You are amazing, no matter how ordinary you may feel. If you find yourself discounting the positive, take some time to think and readjust your mindset. Catch yourself when you have these thoughts, and actively work to re-frame them.

5. Jumping to Conclusions

I am guilty of this all the time. I tend to be a pretty perceptive and empathetic person, but oftentimes my imagination can get the better of me. Jumping to conclusions is broken down into two categories. The first is known as mind reading, where you think you know what someone is thinking. And it’s true, you may be perceptive like me and really good at guessing what someone is about to say or do! However, this can become a distortion when it creates a sense of paranoia or unease. Oftentimes these thoughts can run along the lines of believing that everyone is noticing the small thing about you that isn’t quite perfect or that people are thinking negative thoughts about you for one reason or another. An example of this in school might be if you receive a bad grade on a test or homework and the teacher has written the dreaded “see me” on your paper. You might think that the teacher thinks you are dumb or hates you in some way because you didn’t do well. In truth, what you believe may not always be the case. The teacher may be concerned about helping you achieve grades so you can be the best that you can be! They want to talk to you to help you, or to understand why you made mistakes so they can assist you later.

The second kind of Jumping is called Fortune Telling. This is when you expect events to occur in a specific way, which can often cause you to avoid something difficult that may help you. For example, you may want to play on a school sports team, but if you predict that you won’t make the team and instead will be humiliated, this kind of thinking may prevent you from trying out at all. In truth, you really never know what the future holds. You have the potential to surprise yourself. And this has nothing to do with how “smart” you think you are. You’ll never know how something will turn out unless you try.

6. Magnification

I want to put a disclaimer here that this is the one Cognitive Distortion that I disagree with how Verywell Mind has described it. Magnification is defined by them as “exaggerating the importance of shortcomings and problems while minimizing the importance of desirable qualities.” The example they give is a person who is addicted to pain medication may exaggerate how bad their pain is in order to magnify the importance of eliminating all their pain.

I will be very clear about this. If you are addicted to pain pills there is a reason. The pain you think you feel is not exaggerated. It is not “in your head.” That is some of the most invalidating perspectives you can give to a human being. Sure, the level of pain they describe may not show up on a medical scan as being as bad as they describe, but if that’s what they feel then they deserve to get help and not be told that their pain is exaggerated. In my own experiences of depression, I felt pain all over my body even though nothing was really in pain. Thankfully I was able to see a therapist who had ample amounts of validation, compassion, and training to help me get better. Telling me that I was exaggerating did nothing to help.

However, Magnification is a Cognitive Distortion worth talking about. As a creative person I tend to create something then instantly point out everything that is wrong with it as soon as I receive any compliments. This is something I am actively working on. In truth, people often don’t see the same mistakes and shortcomings as you do. We are always our own worst critic. Now, I don’t think the solution is to just tell those thoughts to go away. They’re there for a reason. They might be protecting you. It’s importance to notice the thoughts, find the reason why they are there, validate them, then check the facts.

Please note that if you find these thoughts to be debilitating and you’re unable to change them, it might be good to seek out professional help.

As I hopefully made clear in my first series on identifying symptoms of anxiety, sometimes knowing is half the battle. And one form of knowing is knowing harmful thought patterns. Once you become aware of these thought patterns, known in CBT as “Cognitive Distortions” you can begin to notice when you think these patterns, catch yourself, and change your thinking. Please note that if you find these thoughts to be debilitating and you’re unable to change them, it might be good to seek out professional help.

This is a long list so I’m dividing it into multiple parts.

CBT defines 10 Cognitive Distortions:

1. All-Or-Nothing Thinking

All or Nothing thinking is where everything is either one way, or another. There is no middle ground. Everything is either the best, or the worst. You’re either amazing at math, or you’re awful at it. If you have tried multiple times to get better at something and often feel defeated at the first slip, this is a distortion you might be having. In truth, just because you mess up, it does not mean you have failed. Mistakes do not define your abilities. There are grey areas everywhere. If you find yourself focusing on your failures, take some time to focus on what you did right. This can help you see things in a more balanced light.

2. Overgeneralization

This is similar to all or nothing thinking, but it specifically involves absolute words, such as “always” or “never.” “I always fail my math tests.” “I’m never going to get this concept.” In truth, you can overcome these overgeneralizatons! It starts with thinking differently. Instead of “I always fail my math tests,” check your facts. “I did not get a good grade this time, but this outcomes does not determine my performance in the future.” You have the ability to change your future outcomes. I believe in you.

3. Mental Filters

As VerywellMind points out, mental filters are the opposite of overgeneralizations. Instead of applying extreme, absolute phrasing to every event, these absolutes are applied to small events and ignores all the rest. for example, you might be discouraged and think you answer every question in class wrong if three times in a row you raise your hand and give the wrong answer. These actions can lead to thinking that you always get answers wrong. However, just as before, you can overcome this; past action is not a predictor of future outcome in this instance. You are in control of your future outcomes.

Hey everyone reading this! If you’re following my posts, you may have noticed this is taking longer than the original 10 days I had thought. Part of this is due to the election, and part of this is due to the fact that I keep adding more and more detail to Strategy #9. You’ll see why when these posts start posting, but I’ve divided Strategy 9 into 4 parts. I’m going to keep the one post a day schedule, because this pace is best for my mental health at this time.

This strategy should be used with caution and when you’re in a good place. Based on the DBT strategy by the same name, opposite to emotion can feel a little invalidating sometimes. However, when used properly, opposite to emotion should not be an invalidating statement.

Opposite to emotion is pretty easy to understand in that it’s pretty self explanatory. When you’re feeling anxious, do the thing that’s making you feel anxious. If you’re feeling angry, take a break from the thing or person who is triggering those angry feelings.

Opposite to emotion should not be used without checking the fact and validating your emotions first. This is so important. An important reminder comes from mindsoother.com:

Remember that opposite action works best when your emotions do NOT fit the facts of a current situation. This means that your emotion, its intensity, and its duration is NOT EFFECTIVE in helping you achieve your goals. It is also important to throw yourself fully into the skill. Engage in opposite behaviors and use opposite emotion words, thinking, facial expression, tone of voice, and body postures!

For math, what this means is to just do the homework, even if it’s making you feel anxious. For this particular scenario, it might be helpful to have a quality friend with you, also doing their homework or helping you with theirs. I often use Opposite to Emotion in this sense all the time - homework makes me anxious! And I’m a teacher! But I know I can do it, so I don’t let my anxiety make me avoid getting done what I need done. HOWEVER, and I stress, I am able to do this because I’ve worked with a mental health professional, so I know pretty well when this actually is working vs. when I’m being invalidating. If this skill just makes you feel worse, try to find a professional mental health resource and get the help you need.

Having good, quality friends is extremely helpful for managing many tough situations. As your peers they can often empathize with you and the place that you’re in. Sometimes, even if they can’t fix your problems, just having someone to voice your fears to can alleviate some anxiety. Something as small as someone saying “I understand where you’re coming from” can make a world of difference if you’re feeling anxious.

In addition, if your friend is in your class or has taken your class previously, sometimes they can be a good study buddy to work with. A lot of times working through homework problems can be a lot less stressful if it’s with someone you know instead of an adult like your teacher or a tutor. When I talk with some adults who struggled with math, a lot of them say they learned the best when their teacher paired them up with someone in their class who could more easily explain it to them.

I’m here to reassure you that needing to ask for help does not mean that you’re dumb, does not indicate your level of belonging, or that you’ve failed in anyway. Experts in the field of math need to ask for help, and they’re smart individuals who belong in their field and are probably very successful. Humans have evolved to where we are partly because we are incredibly social animals who discovered that teaming up and asking for help was our best defense against large apex predators!

I say this with some caution though: make sure you have quality friendships. If you’re not sure what a toxic person can look like, here’s an article on healthline that explains signs your friend may not be good for you.

Here’s an action for you: Take This Class. It’s 100% online, absolutely free, and you can go through it at your own pace. You can go through all the content in three hours or less. Best of all, there’s no required homework!

This class is called How To Learn Math, and it’s been put together by Dr. Jo Boaler and some of her students at Stanford University. Her research has been heavily based in something called Growth Mindset, which is a philosophy on how to teach math. So she put together this class so you can learn the philosophy yourself in order to build your confidence, even if your teacher hasn’t heard of her work yet.

Since it’s election day, we interrupt our regularly scheduled programming to bring you this calming audio-visual meditation. I know I’m going to need it today. Remember, get out and vote, then come home and take care of yourself.

Let’s draw a line really quick between Positive Self Talk and Invalidating Speech.

If you’re worried about math, or any other subject, it is *so* important to tell yourself that it makes sense that you’re feeling that way. Positive self talk does not mean you are going to ignore those feelings. Positive Self Talk is more like a pep talk. The thing you do to rile yourself up before a big game. It supports what you’re about to do and affirms that you are capable.

The example given by healthline is a great one. “’I’m going to speak up in the meeting today because I have something important to contribute.’ This sounds like a positive plan and attitude.”

Notice how any nervousness this person may have about going into a meeting is not ignored or put down. There’s no statement of “don’t be nervous” or “there’s no need to worry.” If you’re worried about speaking up in a meeting, that’s totally understandable and normal! Even experienced public speakers get nervous before talking in front of people. There are so many unknowns about how your comment may be received, especially if you’re going to say something that might be controversial. It’s so important that you acknowledge how you feel before you start with the positive self talk.

Let’s imagine you’re getting ready to take a math test. Here’s an example of some self talk you might use before you take the test:

“It definitely makes sense that I’m nervous about my test today. If I run across a question I’m not sure about, I’ll skip it and come back to it later. No matter what happens, I’m going to be okay.”

Notice the validation, the plan, and the reassurance. I know the last sentence may be hard - there are many reasons why getting a disappointing grade on a test may make things seem like they are not okay. It may make you feel hopeless, judged, or dumb. Sometimes these emotions can be processed with your teacher. They should be willing to help you if you are struggling! Or, you may benefit from speaking with a parent or mental health professional if these feelings of defeat and hopelessness persist.

I’m going to tell you some things that you may not believe right away, and that’s okay. Are you ready? Your math grade does not define you or your intelligence. Your value is not determined by your academic achievements.

And never forget: I believe in you!

The power of music can feel like magic, but actually it’s all based in science. Seriously, the affect music has on our brains is so powerful, there are entire classes based just on this one topic.

So, I’m here to give you some ideas for music you can listen to while experiencing anxiety!

Typically, no matter how much you may want to argue with me about this, you want something that’s ambient and calming. I love Nirvana as much as the next person still holding on to the grunge craze, but Nirvana is not good music to calm my anxiety to help me while I’m working on homework.

To start, I highly recommend some video game music. I don’t play the game anymore, but the Skylanders soundtrack in particular has some great calm music that’s ambient but interesting. Head to Spotify and check out tracks like “Chompy Mountain,” “Wilikin Village,” or “Glacier Gully.” Minecraft’s music is also very good for creating calm. If you’re interested in my curated list, follow this spotify link.

While this music is good, sometimes an entire album can have a wide range of emotions, making it hard to listen to without getting distracted by skipping. I’ll include some of my favorite youtube playlists to listen to under the keep reading tab.

Never forget: I believe in you!

Sometimes a distraction is beneficial.

I don’t necessarily mean do a face mask, go find some sugar scrub, or sit in your bath tub and stare at a beautiful bath bomb dissolving into a myriad of colors, although all of these things can be helpful. What I do mean is find what works for you. Anxiety is tough, and it’s exhausting. I know you may have a mountain of homework waiting for you, but sometimes it’s okay to not tackle that immediately, especially if anxiety is paralyzing you. If you find yourself, as I once did, pulling out your homework only to stare at it for hours unable to move, then it’s okay to walk away. 

In this scenario, you’re going to be more productive taking care of yourself than you are trying to get the homework done.

Self care looks different for everyone. I like showers. The warm water envelops me like a nice blanket and provides a safe space where I can distance myself from my triggers. Maybe for you it’s reading a book, going on a walk, doing something creative, petting a dog, or petting other people’s dogs if you can find one and not be weird about it.

Of course, there’s always too much of a good thing. If your self care is taking you away from your coursework entirely, then maybe it’s time to evaluate why. If your distractions take away your anxiety, then returning to your work just makes it spike up again, it may be time to take further steps, such as speaking with an adult you trust or finding a mental health professional. Try to be gentle with yourself if you reach this step; remember if you hadn’t tried to take care of yourself, maybe it would have taken a lot longer to make this discovery!

If you want to learn more, check out the link by clicking on “Keep Reading” below!

Never forget: I believe in you!

Mindfulness and meditation are very hot-button words right now, but there’s science behind this pop culture phenomenon. Once you begin to recognize what anxiety feels like, you can start to practice mindful behaviors to alleviate some of the stress and allow yourself to get to a point where you can begin to work. Or, if this continues to be a struggle, it’s totally okay to tell your teachers, your parents, or another adult that you trust that something is creating a lot of anxiety in you. Often times they will be able to help or at least listen to your worries, and getting help from them can also help your stress.

In our digital world, there are many apps to help get you started. Calm is a popular one with some free resources to start with. There are paying tiers though. Another app with lots of free and some paid meditations is MyLife Meditation by Stop. Breathe. Think. I’ve used this app for years. They have guided and quiet meditation timers, as well as specifically curated meditation lists for different categories, such as “Sleep Well,” “For ADHD,” “For Youth of Color,” “Athletic Prep,” and many more. There’s also one specifically for Corona-virus anxiety right now as well. If you don’t want to download an app, YouTube is also a great resource to find gentle meditations and mindfulness practices of all kinds.

It’s especially important to practice mindfulness when you’re not feeling anxiety, in order to build the strength of your practice for when you are crisis mode. I’ve noticed the more I practice with mindfulness, the better I am at calming myself down in high-stakes situations, such as test taking. I’ll notice myself without prompt begin to breathe slower, which allows for my head to clear and my thinking to work better. Sometimes it doesn’t matter how prepared for a test you are - anxiety, panic, and depression can all affect how you perform. Mindfulness can help with all of those.

If I’ve overwhelmed you with information in this post, please forgive me! If you can, plug in some headphones (or connect them wirelessly) to your phone, tablet, or laptop, and start with this free, three-minute mindful breathing exercise from MyLife.

Never forget: I believe in you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SEfs5TJZ6Nk

Before doing something stressful, like taking a test or looking at a scary problem, tell yourself that you’re excited. Why this works is explained in the video below:

Please note, this isn’t meant to be a long term strategy. This needs to be used as an almost-in-the-moment step to get you through what you need to do.

Never forget: I believe in you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1rRgElTeIqE&feature=emb_logo

If you read my 6-part series on identifying anxiety, you’re probably here because you said “Yep that sounds like me!” In general, anxiety is anxiety, but identifying your kind of anxiety can help you determine what exactly you’re afraid of so you can begin to conquer your fear.  Is it math test anxiety? Do you generally understand math but when it comes to tests you freak out and forget everything? Is it numerical anxiety, where when you see big numbers that’s what scares you? Or, is it abstraction anxiety, where equations like “y=mx+b” stress you out? You can have one, two, or all three of the above. 

However, it may not be math itself. Are you afraid of looking dumb in front of your peers? Do you have a fear of failure? Do you lack confidence in your answers, never sure if you’re right or wrong? To help identify if you have one of these or something different, I highly recommend taking an Enneagram test, as this might help reveal some hidden fears that could be affecting your math anxieties. Here’s where you can take a free one: https://www.truity.com/test/enneagram-personality-test

No matter what kind of anxiety you have, I am of the opinion that the internet is, so far, *not* helpful. Often times the advice given is “don’t be afraid to ask questions” or “have an open mind” or “learn math without memorizing.” Though this advice might help some people, telling someone to have an open mind is the same thing as telling someone experiencing an anxiety attack to just simply calm down, or telling someone with depression to not be sad anymore. Thanks, that fixed it! *throws confetti*