fmdhyunmi:
open starter.
good company and a ripe bottle of red wine summarized a friday evening.
she didnât drink much nor acquired the thirst for alcohol, but this was once in a while. this was a mandatory escape from problems festering. this was a slice of freedom, sitting atop a throne and watching the circle of life culminate, watching it prey upon the weak. hyunmi felt struggle in her bones, between her joints where it ached with every reaction, every shift. calcium matter chipped away at one another, burning. but it was so much more than physical fatigue.
it was exhaustion everywhere.
she feathered fingers through a fringe too long, trapping semi-dried ends between fingertips as she pretended to inspect their dilapidated state. âhowâs life? i feel like i havenât seen you in ages besides the small run-ins at idolized. but howâs everything? how are you? are you good?â and hyunmi poured red wine into a tall glass as she pestered, talking silence away, filling the void with hollow chatter.
heartbreak is hard to admit.
sheâs got her pride and wears her self-confidence like a worn second skin. people like her do not wallow in misery or cry herself to sleep over men who kissed her softly and loved her tenderly. people like holly do not attempt to find redemption and salvation (wretched forgiveness) in soft curves and softer lips, in broad shoulders and calloused fingers. people like holly simply do not allow themselves to let the heartache drown them every waking moment in life.
so why is it that she feels herself shaking, even as she feigns a smile against the rim of her wine glass? why is it she feels the need to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from confessing how heavy a heart broken actually feels in the hollow of her rib cage?
why is it she still misses him, still remembers as if it were yesterday? why, why why?
the answer is simple (a lesson learned hard, learned thrice now. shame on her): because broken girls like her had an addiction to danger, to playing with fire. a need to gamble with her heart with too high stakes and a whole soul and body to lose in between silk sheets and warm hands and gentle kisses.Â
because broken girls like holly drown their sorrow in half-hearted smiles curved on rouge red lips and a bottle of red split between two. because broken girl to broken girl, holly recognizes a kindred spirit when she sees one.
heartache, heart anything, heart whatever--pretending is easy when in good, trusted company.
hyunmi, smart as she is was bound to catch on sooner or later. so holly chooses not to lie.
âitâs going. iâm surprised gold star even remembered ELEMENT existed long enough to let you out of the basement. it was nice seeing you on stage, hyunmi. nicer watching you dance again.â she stalls for time, a beat of silence held a moment too long, before she sets her glass down and drops the smile. âdefine good, babe.â she tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and quirks an eyebrow at hyunmi, gaze inquisitive. âletâs cut the bullshit small talk. are you digging for the truth and my secrets or asking just because?â the smile she lets curve across her lips is chock full of secrets. âhow about we trade? i tell you whatâs been keeping me up at night and you tell me why--â she waves a finger in a circle at hyunmi, âor whoâs got you looking like a whole mess. deal?âÂ















