Wanna know the fucking truth? Nobody is fucking happy. Nobody has skin made from oil paint and sunlight. Nobody fucking understands this world. Fuck, nobody probably understands math as much as they claim. You’re here one day and the next you’re not. God? Religion? I’ve learned a lot more about the world by eating acid and swallowing pills. Tell me what your church has done for you? Tell me if you have holes in your mouth from speaking lies? Wanna know the fucking truth? Pity is just another word for pathetic. Drink beer and watch the sunrise from every rooftop. Take photographs naked. Take photographs kissing. Take photographs having sex. Stop making everything about sexuality. Wanna know the fucking truth? Nobody really gives a damn if you lost your virginity at fourteen or if you were the president in high school. Wanna know the fucking truth? There is no such thing as the right person. People leave. They change like ocean currents, they leave you with bruises in your calves. And you wanna know the fucking truth? You get better. You learn to love. You find God in between the cracks of a wall when you’re puking your limbs out. You wanna know the fucking truth? Go find it.

1. wash your hair. It’s been 2 weeks since you’ve gotten out of bed. you’re crying too hard for a boy who doesn’t know that when you were born the doctors found stars in your bloodstream. 2. cheap liquor that tastes like peaches and bleach numbs the pain but it leaves you throwing up and I’m not going to hold your hair back so you can drink him down but he’ll come back up and burn your throat all over again. 3. He’s not worth the black outs and shaky hands. Eat something. He’s just a boy who pulled you in too deep. You don’t need him to save you. Get yourself out. 4. Latch your heart shut. save the key for a boy who wouldn’t mind picking the lock and make him give it back when he leaves, you are a hurricane, not a stitched up chest that he can rip open and let bleed every time he’s bored of misses your voice. 5. Wear the dress you wore on your first date with him every night this week. Make new memories in it so you don’t see him every time you open your closet. Leave it smelling like new boys wrapped around you and pretty girls kissing your cheek with red lipstick and cigarettes and city lights instead of him. You don’t fucking need him. 6. A hot bubble bath, tea, chocolate, a blank sheet of paper and paint can fix things for a night. I hope your bedroom becomes an art gallery. I hope you paint the walls and not your skin. 7. I still have love letters from my first boyfriend in the attic. You might not forget him but you sure as hell won’t always miss him. I won’t let you. 8. Sleep on the floor when your bed feels too empty without him. I’ll bring you extra pillows and blankets. 9. I’m sure he’s heart broken over you. 10. No, she’s not prettier than you baby girl, she’s nothing special. 11. I raised you to be the ocean not pools of blood on your sleeves. 12. He is not the same person you fell in love with. He doesn’t need your voice to fall asleep anymore and that’s okay. You’re in love with a stranger now. You don’t know him. He’s not the boy you kissed last weekend. So let him go. You’re not letting go of the boy you fell asleep with 3 months ago. You’re letting go of someone who doesn’t care if you fall asleep crying or not. 13. Don’t let him wipe away your tears. His fingers are razorblades and your cheeks will drip with blood. Don’t let him turn your freckles red. 14. You are the world. He’s lucky that you let him live in you for so long but he hasn’t been paying rent. Kick him out. He doesn’t deserve you. 15. You will find someone else to give yourself to, but not all of you, keep some for yourself.

1. My fingers shake when you hold my hand and my lips taste like whiskey when they should taste like cherry lip gloss and I reek of cigarette smoke but you always smell like roses. 2. I spend more time with my head bent over a toilet bowl than I do in your arms and I can’t make eye contact with you without feeling like my scars are gonna burst open again. 3. I’ve kissed more vodka bottles good morning than there are letters in both our names combined. 4. You’re sad and I’m drunk or high or both and I know you’ve called twelve times but if I pick up I won’t know what to say. 5. I may have been there last night and I may have loved every part of you with every fiber of my being, but today is a new day and I’ve never been good at keeping promises. 6. I can’t believe anything you say because I’m so used to spitting out lies at casual lovers. I haven’t learned that love is anything but casual. 7. Maybe one day I’ll wake up and I won’t wish I was dead, but until then I won’t be able to touch you without crying.