Pro amore, pro vita

I may have given up on love...but there is still a portion...a tiny flicker that makes me want to explore genuine, honest and sincere love. I got really messed up...and my perception has gotten to a point where I don't think I can have one...my heart I think was chopped beyond repair but somehow I remained a good and kind person...because I still love myself and I continue to heal despite the wasted 10 years of my life. I could have loved myself instead but I let this person destroy me...I was not mourning for the lost love...looking back...there was none. I was so busy repairing him that he eventually broke me so I'm done with broken men. If I were to pray right now...I pray that I get healed not quickly but in God's perfect time. Should the day comes that genuine love finds me...I pray that my heart is ready...and not scared. I want someone who will complement me...someone who will not use me and take advantage of my kindness...it is my vice. I care a lot ...I hope if love finds me...he can admire the facades I have created...he can see them not as walls but art that is me...understand that they are there to protect me because I need to survive not only for me but for my family...I have nothing but my family...my existence revolves around my family, my work and friends. People who really mattered and who nurtured me into a beautiful person that I truly am... the image I see now is distorted I can't see who I was before...I somehow faded... God do you think I am ready? I am hoping for a kind person too...someone who is whole and can protect me...a responsible man who knows how to take care of himself...someone who will bring out the best in me and together we can inspire each other to be our best versions everyday...someone who will make me laugh at the beginning and end of days...someone who will make me closer to You dear Lord...someone who will look at me and see past my scars and stains...see the beautiful person I have turned to molded by pain, anger and hatred...someone who will understand that I am insecure and scared most of the time...traumatized and mangled and will not be whole again. Someone who loves me more than I love myself...someone who will love my family and friends...I don't mind a good looking person Lord you see I still have my humor...

I choose to remain reclusive. I blend. Perfected my camouflage. I am easy in the eye…dull…ordinary. I remain hidden…not to be seen…I go with the flow…leave me be…I sway with the wind, I bend and bow…No worries…no worries.