18th, May 2026
It was a mix of emotions, but somehow, I felt peace. Life has been full of downs lately. As much as I want to rely on someone and tell them everything, I won’t. I have to face this alone so I can grow and become independent.
Deactivating wasn’t so bad after all. In some ways, it healed me. Social media became stressful and draining for me, and now I’m slowly learning how to keep going. All the failures I’ve been through are teaching me lessons one by one. I don’t have to worry anymore about what other people are doing—the art of mawalan ng pakialam. Though sometimes, I still miss it a little. But maybe it’s better if I just focus on healing, right?
After everything that has happened, I have to stay strong and keep my walls up high. I’m okay with talking to only 2–3 friends and replying late. Socializing drains me now. It’s no longer my forte. I’ve become too shy to talk to people and too scared to tell my story because I feel like they’ve already heard enough. So most of the time, I just keep things to myself. Crying somehow eases the pain.
I’m sorry, self. I promise to take care of you. When everything else starts crashing down, I’ll be the one to save you. I’m thankful that I still have a few people I can safely rant to—people who won’t judge me.
Last week was a mess. I experienced anxiety and felt my emotions completely overwhelm me. I felt so helpless. I even cried out loud because it hurt so much. I felt like I was drowning, but thankfully, my friends and parents were there for me.
My parents used to say that even though I wasn’t fond of sharing stories, I was still talkative. I guess something really changed, no? I’m not the same person anymore—the loud one who shared every little detail of every story. Sometimes I miss that version of me too. But I’m learning to be okay with this version of myself. Sometimes I feel like sharing my problems just becomes an ear sore for others. They don’t need to worry about me anymore because I’m doing fine. Bed-rotting every weekend when there’s no work, going out once or twice—that’s basically it.
Eight years. Tomorrow should’ve been our eighth year, but I believe God has other plans for me. Before, I used to dream of having a relationship that would last 10 years or more. Maybe because it felt like being deeply loved and content with someone. But right now, all I want is to be happy and fully healed. I’m no longer looking for a relationship because I can’t imagine putting myself in that situation again—crying nonstop? Haha.
Sometimes I still wonder when I’ll finally be able to delete the photos. They’re still here. But I’m no longer holding on to them the same way. It lasted long, and there are still days when flashbacks happen, but I’m okay. We even met after the breakup, and you seemed happy. If we ever meet again—which I honestly don’t see happening anymore haha—I just hope you’re happy.
My birthday is coming soon, and I really hope my wish comes true: healing and finally getting back on track. No more material things. I think I’ve had enough of those already haha.













