18th, May 2026
It was a mix of emotions, but somehow, I felt peace. Life has been full of downs lately. As much as I want to rely on someone and tell them everything, I wonāt. I have to face this alone so I can grow and become independent.
Deactivating wasnāt so bad after all. In some ways, it healed me. Social media became stressful and draining for me, and now Iām slowly learning how to keep going. All the failures Iāve been through are teaching me lessons one by one. I donāt have to worry anymore about what other people are doingāthe art of mawalan ng pakialam. Though sometimes, I still miss it a little. But maybe itās better if I just focus on healing, right?
After everything that has happened, I have to stay strong and keep my walls up high. Iām okay with talking to only 2ā3 friends and replying late. Socializing drains me now. Itās no longer my forte. Iāve become too shy to talk to people and too scared to tell my story because I feel like theyāve already heard enough. So most of the time, I just keep things to myself. Crying somehow eases the pain.
Iām sorry, self. I promise to take care of you. When everything else starts crashing down, Iāll be the one to save you. Iām thankful that I still have a few people I can safely rant toāpeople who wonāt judge me.
Last week was a mess. I experienced anxiety and felt my emotions completely overwhelm me. I felt so helpless. I even cried out loud because it hurt so much. I felt like I was drowning, but thankfully, my friends and parents were there for me.
My parents used to say that even though I wasnāt fond of sharing stories, I was still talkative. I guess something really changed, no? Iām not the same person anymoreāthe loud one who shared every little detail of every story. Sometimes I miss that version of me too. But Iām learning to be okay with this version of myself. Sometimes I feel like sharing my problems just becomes an ear sore for others. They donāt need to worry about me anymore because Iām doing fine. Bed-rotting every weekend when thereās no work, going out once or twiceāthatās basically it.
Eight years. Tomorrow shouldāve been our eighth year, but I believe God has other plans for me. Before, I used to dream of having a relationship that would last 10 years or more. Maybe because it felt like being deeply loved and content with someone. But right now, all I want is to be happy and fully healed. Iām no longer looking for a relationship because I canāt imagine putting myself in that situation againācrying nonstop? Haha.
Sometimes I still wonder when Iāll finally be able to delete the photos. Theyāre still here. But Iām no longer holding on to them the same way. It lasted long, and there are still days when flashbacks happen, but Iām okay. We even met after the breakup, and you seemed happy. If we ever meet againāwhich I honestly donāt see happening anymore hahaāI just hope youāre happy.
My birthday is coming soon, and I really hope my wish comes true: healing and finally getting back on track. No more material things. I think Iāve had enough of those already haha.













