i can barely breathe;

Richie: Yeah of course

“It’s just a scratch. You worry too much.”

“Ah… ! Don’t press there!”

“Just put a bandage on it and I’ll be fine.”

“That looks bad. Really bad.”

“Try not to look at it.”

“That hurts!”

“You’re going to need bedrest for at least a few days.”

“I’m going to be stuck in bed for how long?”

“That’s nothing, you big baby.”

“Here, let me help. I’m good at this sort of thing.”

“I can’t feel it. That’s bad, right?”

“Can you move?”

“How can something so small hurt so much?”

“It looks a lot worse than it is.”

“You’re a terrible patient.”

“Will you hold still? I can’t do anything if you keep squirming.”

“Wow, I’ve never seen skin turn that color before.”

“It’s just another a war trophy.”

“Shut up and let me help you.”

“I don’t care how tough you are. You can’t ignore that.”

❝ Stop man-handling the ice cream! ❞ ❝ Change the channel and I’ll kill you. ❞ ❝ You actual shit, you started without me!? ❞ ❝ Since I’m up, by default I will get your _____. ❞ ❝ Did you just throw a sock ball at me!? ❞ ❝ How about this, how about you fight the rest of the cereal by yourself and I’ll courageously make pancakes for those of us who want a little warmth in our mornings. ❞ ❝ Whiskey is a breakfast staple, anyone who says otherwise is fucking lying. ❞ ❝ My underwear are now bright pink because of you, thank you very much. ❞ ❝ Can you stop kicking me? ❞ ❝ I don’t go shopping I get and retrieve. I have a narrow focus, unlike some people. ❞ ❝ Did you walk the dog? ❞ ❝ You, me, PJ’s, pizza, bed. The PJ’s are optional. ❞ ❝ Only you could make the idea of beating up already dead meat sound attractive. ❞ ❝ I can feel you staring at me, why don’t you just come in? ❞ ❝ Good news; we have internet again! ❞ ❝ I don’t want to file taxes, why don’t you be the adult? ❞ ❝ You snuggling me over an open flame is an invitation for my nipples to disappear. ❞ ❝ I know you’re scared of my mother but contemplating arson isn’t the way to fix this. ❞ ❝ I installed a stripper pole while you were gone because it made me think of you. ❞ ❝ All I was doing was helping the barista learn to spell my name properly. The song and dance should NOT have gotten you that embarrassed. ❞ ❝ How about we just never mention this again? ❞ ❝ Have you seen my earrings/necklace/rings? ❞  ❝ You are literally the child we both want/neither of us want. ❞ ❝ Did you call the doctor about that? ❞ ❝ Let me pop it, just let me pop it, nothing bad will happen, I swear! ❞ ❝ You almost left me at the gas station! ❞ ❝ Alright look! Next time you want to barbecue with the hair dryer, just make sure I’m home! ❞ ❝ I didn’t think the sink had this much water inside of it. ❞ ❝ Don’t be mad, but _____. ❞